I console her as she cries before me,
torrents of tears making there way down her the cheeks,
she struggles for breath between her sobs,
she says she feels suffocated nowadays.
I try to talk to her,
but she wouldn’t listen,
lost in her own world,
she sees herself as the most unhappy of all people.
Love is all that she wants,
but it’s not that easy to mend the hearts,
it is burning her up slowly,
making her life go up in smoke.
She had been cutting herself since she was a thirteen,
I tried to talk her out of it,
initially it seemed it was fine,
but now it’s back to blood and wine.
I had always been there for her,
but she has moved in her own shell,
I know she wants me gone,
but I am not here to leave her alone.
A contest entry
- If You Know Me by Taylor Renee.
175 points, ended July 12, 2007, 11 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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VERY GOOD!
This poem describes me when I was a teenager. I grew up in a dysfunctional family. I am grateful I have been able to overcome this. They key is in this line: "she sees herself as the most unhappy of all people". I was able to stop seeing myself like this.
Anaya Roma
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Well that's GOOD NEWS then!!! hahaha...whew! Now I don't have to worry about her wellbeing!
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Well....this is so sad! I don't know what to say really. I hope it's a fictional write. If not, then I hope your friend gets the help she needs! She's lucky to have someone like you who seems to care so much.
(If it's based on reality that is...) heh.
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No I dont have such a friend.Thank God for that
. It was just came over me after reading a story.
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ooops!!!!
I commented to your reply in the wrong place I see!! hahaha...I'm so lame! Just look above to see what I said. lol.
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I see...so u were worried?!!!!
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well...
I was a lil concerned. I mean, it seemed so real. lol. And I generally care about ppl, even if I don't know them personally. So yah...it stayed in my mind for a while. lol
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So the result of this contest is already out . Still I loved it . I loved all your poems .
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Hey That was nice, thank u
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OMG!
Not a prewrite
Like it already!!
(Sorry, right now I'm quick commenting loll I haven't read it yet!! )
Wow. This, I think, shows you're a pretty loyal person, even though (if) its fake. The girl stood by her friend to help.
I htink it was a good poem Good job, good luck and thanks for entering!!!
xoxo
Tay
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Hey Thank u, for ur feeback!!!!!it was just an idea, no its not real.....
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i like the emotion expressed in this, however, i think the random one line that rhymes doesn't really fit because it's the only one. but despite that i loved the concern you showed for her and the feelings involved. good job!
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Thank u!!!!!!!!!
I tried my hand in writing here smthn for the 1st time.
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