Sabrina lay on her bed, listening for a sound that was sure not to come. A silver cross was fixed on a chain around her neck, and her thick black hair was styled in a ponytail. Items scattered throughout her room were things many 14 year olds did not have interest for, or possess. One was a gun with strange symbols engraved upon the cold metal, the second was a large folder with the cover opened to reveal different profiles of people, all with black hair and pale skin. The third was a shelf full of different weapons including a ruby encrusted sword, different types of knives and daggers, and several different poisons in crystal phials with small holders.
A slight breeze entered the room and a faint rustle could be heard. Sabrina got up from her bed and grabbed the gun, cocked it, and held it at the ready.
The door opened with a loud creak and Sabrina sent bullets flying into the wood.
A dark figure entered the room and quickly sped over to her weapon shelf and took out a knife.
The figure stood up and took a black cloak off to reveal a boy greatly resembling the various people in the folder. He looked at least 3 years older than Sabrina.
"You're a pretty thing." He said, slowly walking towards Sabrina, who held her gun at the ready, her face unfathomable.
"I wonder how spicy your blood tastes," He continued, still walking toward Sabrina.
Sabrina waited a few more second then began to shoot at the intruder, who merely blocked them with his knife.
Sabrina quickly reloaded her gun with golden bullets but was kicked in the head by the boy.
The gun skidded away and she was on the ground with the boy leaning over her.
She began making different hand signs.
A blue light instantly filled the room and coils started winding their way around the boy's arms and legs, making him paralyzed and open to any attacks.
Sabrina got up and walked to where the gun lay, then pointed it straight at the stranger's head.
"Show me your fangs," She said quietly.
The boy opened his mouth to reveal two glistening, pearly white fangs.
"All the more reason to eliminate you." Sabrina said, cocking the gun and firing it.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
nice><
-
Noooooo! That could have been one of my lovelies! *kicks Sabrina's butt and rescues the vampire* We DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT kill the vampires for two reasons!
A.) For the most part the lovelies belong to me and I cherish all of them.
B.) If you kill another vampire an army of us will rise sooooo fast you won't even know what to do *bares fangs*!!! -
Hmm, short.. but it happens..
You'v got something here.. and parts are really nicely described, but I'd like more description...I mean, as someone who draws I know you'd probablly just rather draw a pic, I know I do..
But more description would add length and knock this piece up a level..
-
at first i thought it was a little unrealistic that she was listening to a sound that wasn't going to come. perhaps you should mention that she listened for a sound that she thought wouldn't come, but had faint faith that it would so she continued to wait or something... i dont know. anyway, perhaps this could be a little longer... there was something missing in this story. i can't quite figure out what wasn't there... but something definitely needed to be said or expressed that wasn't. there were some good ideas in this and i think that if you extended its length and whatnot that it could be a great starter for a book even. good luck and well done =]
Adding your comment:
