Like a crippled in the night1
I kill myself for pure delight2
Some one stab me near my grave3
Burned and charred for the rest of my days4
I need to take my heart- dissect the pain5
To relieve the things she did to me again6
I always get turned an pulled inside out7
When this girl is always in sight8
I miss her as I lay her into the ground9
She liked to light me up and push me down10
My lungs are stuffed to bleed11
Pins and needles in my arms12
Blood flows from the inner of my eyes13
I watch as she lights herself up- she burns14
Author notes
*Poem*
Written in 2007
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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I like it. It had rythm to it.. That pic is hella scary Dx but all in all, it was well written
"she lights herself up- she burns"... It sounded so emoo.. no offense
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Very gruesome and dark...I can see how you have changed since you wrote this. But sometimes tis good to just get those wicked thoughts out there.
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♣ Blake
This was gruesome and confusing.
I think babe sometimes you just need to sit down and think between each line of poetry.
It is okay to go on a rant and spill your emotions onto the page but if you want your readers to see the picture slow down B- SLOW DOWN-
♣ Blake
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Oh I loved this one hun! Although I thouh the picture was rather scary. You know how I love all of your work though, but I still like to tell you how wonderful you are. lol. I really have to catch up on my reading, I just havent had the time to come on this sight for ages but I am determined to get up to speed on everyones work and your top of my list.
I love you babe.
X Amber X
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Hmm...
This poem is a little confusing..."she lights me up and puts me down." Does that mean she gets her hopes up and tears her down? And I don't really get the first lline. What is cripled? In the 6th line, "releaved" is supposed to be "relieved". (Or is it supposed to be "relived"? I'm not sure. Just a suggestion. Nice poem, I like the emotion.
*Frozen Angel* -
yeah im not sure if it makes sense either. there is a lot of mixed things happening and i find it hard to figure out what is going on. i like the deepness of it though. good work =]
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Not sure that the first line makes sense, but maybe it is just me. Couple of spelling mistakes here and there.
I always get turned an pulled inside out
when this girl is always in sight
I like the way you express this feeling, it is very good, the double always doesn't really flow for me but I like the imagery of these lines.
Some nice dark lines, though I am not much of a fan of dark myself, it is still very cool.
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