Beyond The Ideal (Chapter 5)

Dave just looked at me like I was crazy for a second, then nodded his head and followed me downstairs into the kitchen. I don’t know why I didn’t just tell him everything in his room, maybe I was afraid subconsciously that he’s kick me out when he heard what I had to say, who knows.

“So, what’s going on? You’re never this serious with me, is something wrong?” he asked me, giving me a weird look as he spoke.

“I have a problem, and I needed to tell you about it now before someone else does.”

“Someone else? Like who?” he asked, looking even more confused if anything.

“Anthony,” I answered, watching his face as I said it. This was actually the part of this encounter that really worried me, because I was basically beginning to incriminate his best friend. He raised an eyebrow at me when he heard the name.

“Anthony?” He asked. “What happened? Is this about him catching you high? ‘Cause he told me about that already and it’s not a big deal kid, I’m sure he told you that.” I actually started laughing at that, and he looked even more concerned.

“No, I don’t care about that, Anthony told me you guys do that too. It’s something else,” I said, starting to feel a bit unsure of myself. I mean, how do you tell someone that his best friend has been blackmailing you for sex? How do you tell your own brother that?

“What is it then Joe? And why do you keep calling him Anthony? You never call him that”

“Wait, it won’t make sense if I don’t start from the beginning,” I said, “First, there’s something I have to tell you for this to make sense; I’m gay.”

He just looked at me for a minute, speechless. I swallowed hard and felt a lump in my throat. I needed him to say something, because I was starting to lose my nerve.

Finally, he spoke. “You’re sure about that? I never would have thought… You and Eric aren’t –“

“No!” I said a little loudly, so shocked by the question I started laughing. Dave kind of smirked at that.

“Okay then, so what does this have to do with Tony? Shit, you guys aren’t together are you?!”

“Not exactly, it gets complicated, I’ll tell you the story now.”

And so I did. I told him how Anthony caught me checking him out, how he kept coming on to me. I spared him the explicit stuff, but he’s not stupid so I’m sure he had an idea of what we were doing. He didn’t seem too bothered by what I said to that point, maybe just a little confused, like he was adjusting to the idea. He really didn’t like what I told him after that. I told him how I tried breaking it off, the things Anthony told me he’d tell people, how he’d hit me a few times to make his point. I told him how Anthony had been using me all week, and finally what had happened at Eric’s party. Dave looked angrier than I’d ever seen him, and when I’d described my week (vaguely of course) to him, I thought I’d seen his eyes water up a bit. Surprisingly, I didn’t feel emotional at all about it this time around; I felt free. Dave didn’t move; he looked like he didn’t know what to do with himself. Finally he looked up at me and spoke.

“I’m happy Alex did what he did, and maybe you should tell Eric about this soon.” He looked dejected when he said that, and I realized why right away; he felt like he should have been the one I went to talk to, and that I’d chosen Alex over him. I walked across the table and hugged him.

“You’re my brother, not Alex, I just didn’t want to have to tell you what your best friend was doing, and I didn’t want Anthony here when I told you this.” I told him as he hugged me back. In a way, I felt better than I had for a long time; I didn’t feel like I’d ever have to cover anything up around my brother ever again.

Finally, he got up. “I’m going to tell him to leave you alone, but I don’t know what he’ll do when I’m not around, so you let me know if he bothers you alright?”

“Yeah,” I answered, now thinking of what Anthony would do to get me back for this. It didn’t look too hopeful that he’d just forget about it and leave me alone, but I was happy I had a few people to stand on my side.

As he walked away, I thought about what I was going to do next. I knew there was nothing I could do if Anthony wanted to tell people at school and spread some rumors about me. I knew that I wanted to tell Eric first though, before he heard things and had to ask me about it. So it looked like my next step was going back and having yet another truth session. Honestly though, they were beginning to wipe me out.

I took a long shower, enjoying the hot water, and then got dressed quickly to head to Eric’s for the second time that day. I didn’t see my brother, so I slipped out the door. I was surprised to find Eric sitting on the railing of his front gallery, actually wearing a shirt for once. That was a first; he hates clothes so if he’s at home he only wears enough to avoid indecent exposure to anyone walking in.

When he saw me, he looked down right away, but then looked back up. He didn’t look very happy. “My brother told me you had a really rough night last night,” he said, not quite looking at me still.

“Yeah,” I said, “I went really overboard and I’m sorry he had to take care of me like that.” In the drama of the morning, I’d almost forgotten what had started it in the first place.

“No, I’m sorry.” He said. “I should have been looking out for you, but instead I lost track of you and figured you were having fun, so I forgot all about you and that wasn’t too cool.” To say I was a bit surprised would be an understatement. Eric can be serious when you need him to be, but nothing usually fazes him personally.

“Hey, it’s not a big deal, it was a party and you had to watch everyone, and I was the one who drank too much, not you. Don’t feel bad about that, I learned a lesson about drinking anyways.”

He looked at me for a minute, and then nodded his head in agreement. “That doesn’t mean you’re quitting drinking though, you were a fun drunk before you disappeared,” he joked, and I actually cracked a smile at that. It had been pretty fun at some points.

Eric looked behind me and waved, saying, “Hey Tony, what’s up?” Shit. As I turned, Anthony walked over. Completely ignoring Eric, he walked right up to me, looking really angry.

“Bet you thought that was a neat little trick you pulled, telling your brother all that shit about us eh you little fuck? Making my best friend think I’m a fag with you? Just wait until school tomorrow, you’re going to be the talk of the school.” He practically spat the last bit, and he’d grabbed my arm and leaned in closer, and he was squeezing pretty damn hard.

“Get the fuck off me, you tell people whatever you want but you leave me the fuck alone!” I yelled at him, trying to pull his hand off of my arm. I didn’t do more than annoy him though, and he threw me into the outside wall of Eric’s house. I felt dizzy for a second, and I thought I saw Eric get up, but then the door opened and Alex ran out and decked Anthony right in the face. Alex was almost the size of Anthony, and he caught him by surprise, knocking him off his feet. Unfortunately Anthony has been weight training for ages, so when he punched Alex back he had a much harder time getting up.

Eric pushed him so hard he went down the three little stairs in front of the gallery. I don’t think I’d ever seen him that mad in my life. I helped Alex to his feet, and I saw Eric walk back, and Anthony walking back to his house. “Could you tell me what the hell that was about?” Eric asked me.

I hadn’t expected him to find out like this, but I decided to work with it. “He was mad because I told my brother something about him he didn’t want him to know.”

“Like what?” Eric asked, looking suspicious. “What was he talking about to you?”

I felt awkward at having to say it in such a blunt way. “He was blackmailing me to have sex with him, or else he’d tell my brother and everyone else that I’m gay.”

Poor Eric didn’t look like he even knew where to start questioning that statement. “… How long was he blackmailing you like that for?”

“A week.”

“And… are you really gay?” He asked, looking at me a little hurt.

“Yeah, I am.” The look of hurt deepened a bit, and I didn’t want to look at his eyes anymore.

Alex cut in and said “I’m going inside for now, I’ll start making supper for when you guys want to come in.” I guess he felt just how awkward the moment was getting to be.

“Wanna come in and talk about this stuff?” Eric asked me. I nodded and we walked inside and up to his room.

We talked for two hours; first, I explained the whole situation and how it happened. Then he asked me how long I knew I was gay for, and then asked why I never told him before then. I felt really bad, because he didn’t seem to care I like guys, he was just hurt that I never trusted him enough to let him know. I felt really good though, knowing that the really important people in my life all supported me. I knew that going back to school would probably suck, and that a lot of people would listen to what Anthony had to say. I was just grateful that I hadn’t lost any of my best friends when I would really need them.