KNOCKING AT MY WINDOW- chapter two

copyrighted 2007 Tennille chase

Chapter Two.. A rude awakening..

mum stood in the kitchen, wide mouth and wide eyed, full of shock and dissapointment. She stood, hands gripped on the door as if she was about ready to fall over. Still feeling those urges, I wanted to turn around and scream , forgetting about mum standing their, forgetting that this was the most embarrasing thing that could have ever happened to me, even worse than when chip had caught us making out. But I didn't move a muscle, even though my insides where shivering with temptation, to taste the sweetness of her lips and to feel her inside of me, again. I just stood thier wathcing as mum looked like she was going to break into peices. Benedict who was still behind me, pulled her hand from my grip , running past mum and up the stares to her room. After a while I could hear her music blaring like always and I heard the faint sound of her locking the door.

Mum managed to pull herself to the kitchen stool and sat down rubbing her temples while muttering something under her breath. The coffee sat still on the bench, still warm and I considered giving it to her to calm her down. I leant up againts the counter, feeling weirdly like I wanted to finish what Benedict had started, I rubbed my hands across my thighs and tried to restrain myself again. I couldn't understand what had come over me. She had left me obsessed and stimulised in a way that was becoming very hard to controll. Mum lay her head in her hands, and I could hear the faint sound of crying. Not knowing what to do or say I watched her for a while , feeling extreamly sorry for myself and for her.

I mean it must have been a shock to see her daughter and soon to be step daughter, gropping each other with such intensity, to see them screaming for their dear lives in pleasure, in her kitchen , were she cooked her meals and hosted her family dinners, where she relaxed and chills on days like this, sipping on the coffee's made by me, with the hands I had just used to give benedict the time of our lives.

But when I though of it, I didn't feel so sorry for me, I didn't even feel sorry for her because I had waited for that moment since the first time our lips met and I wasn't going to regret it for the world. What I had just felt then, I could never have felt from a guy, such a sense of awarness and passion and danger, the danger in her voice was enough to make me tear my hair out and scream for more.

Unable to bare the silence anymore I tipped the coffee down the sink and slowly started to walk away. Listening to the ouns of my feet tapping on the cold floor . " Perry, where do you think your going' I turned around to face her ,mum was holding her hair back, rubbing her eyes, my cheeks feeling hot, I couldn't even look at her. "Up to my room" I said still facing the floor, the sheer embarassment slowly creeping into my body. "I don't think so, you have some explaining to do, and before you say it, I'll deal with Benedict later".

Damn why couldn't it be one in all in , I though to myself as I walked over to the table pulling up a stool. I sat down , looking directly at the counter, making sure I couldn't see her dissapointment.

"Well my dear, please explain".

What could I say but the truth, and the truth had to come out sometime sooner or later. I told mum everything , right down to the day benedict first kissed me, backtracking every memory I had shared with benedict after the kiss. Mum sat listening , rubbing her eye's every so oftern and when I finally looked up when I had finished she had red blood shot eyes from crying and the tears seem to fall faster the more times I looked at her. I sat their feeling Ashamed and scared. Mainly scared because I had heard those stories about the teenagers who where gay and their parents found out and they threw them out on the streets, I didn't want to be one of those kids.

When mum finally stopped crying she turned to face me and grabbed my hand. "Love, theirs only on option I can think of in this situation, and look I know your not going to like it, but I think It would be for the best, you know some time to think, well mainly sometime for me to wrap my head around this whole thing, and with the wedding so soon, I just don't think I could handle this right now, you understand".

I could feel the tears boiling up inside my eyes and I tried to hold them back with every inch of strength I had left . "your going to disown me aren't you mum, just like the hundreds of sexually confused teens who get thrown out by their homophobic parents, to be expected to make it through life on the streets and die, I'm gunna die mum, you know, you send me out and I'll be doing drugs and dealing and then next thing you know I'll be stealing cars or dying from an overdose, then who will love me then".

Mum looked at me and gave a slight chuckle , alarming me and sat back rocking on the stool. "Love I never said I was going to disown you, but I think It would be a really good idea if you went and stayed by yourself for a while, you know just to think things through a little".

I sighed with relief " You mean some time away from Benedict ?".

"Yes and that to, but just try and understand it from my perspecting love okay". I nodded hoping she was happy and I could go to my room, but before I did their was just one thing I had to know. "Mum when you say send me away, where do you plan on sending me to". Mum stood up stretching her arms out wide " I have an idea, but I'll have to run it by them first okay, as soon as I know the details you'll be the first to know".

I smiled, feeling a little content but still dissapointed, I didn't want to leave benedict for a few days, or even hours, and their was no arguing with mum, I wasn't going to even try.

I pushed the stool under the table and started to make my way to the stairs."Hay perry" mum shouted , I looked at her from the over the railing. "Yeah".

she pushed her hair back and took a deep breath in " Perry, who you are, is who you are, it's your choice, and I will always love you and support you in whatever you choose to do, but I will say this once and once only , what you choose to do is also your choice and their's a time and a place for every choice you make, I just hope next time that you take this into consideration and be more considerate of other people alright". I turned around nodding and smiling with the sense that all the embarresment had been washed away. " And perry". I turned to face again.

"We won't mention this to Seth aye".

I nodded , walking up the stair's and nocked on Benedicts door.