Kiss Me [Part Two of two]

[Part Two]

Whenever I imagine a perfect date, I always think of a dinner, a romantic walk across the beach and a bunch of passionate kissing. Well, that's what I got on my date with Ethan. Not everything, just the dinner that was placed near the water, and a bunch of kissing. I don't know how we moved so fast, but there was something about him that made me just simply melt. There wasn't anything wrong with it, nothing at all. However, something about the way Ethan murmuered my name gave me this whirl-wind case of butterflies. But that was all good.

I learned a lot about Ethan that night. I now knew he had four sisters, lived with his widowed mother, used to have a control-freak for a girlfriend and knows where he's going to college to become a professional artist. Yes, I fell in love, no I didn't tell him, and yes, it is fast. But o-m-g. If only you had met him. He was so much more different then all the other guys I'd met. Besides Jake. Jake wasn't a player and he obvisiously didn't go ga-ga over his sister. But still, I wasn't about to share Ethan with Lindsay just yet.

But she'd asked who I was dating, because she'd known that when I walked out the door with little wings on my feet, I was dating someone that made me float on Cloud Number Nine. I don't know why they call it cloud number nine, but in the end? I didn't really care. I told Lindsay that the guy I was dating "preferred to keep us a secret" because apparently he "wasn't allowed to date". Pfft, I can't believe she bought it. Then again, this is Lindsay we're talking about.

Then, only four weeks later--only four weeks later--something happened. I noticed Lindsay wasn't going out on dates 24/7, and I noticed Jake's car was in the driveway a lot more. Suddenly I was the one with a really great boyfriend and a bunch of dates? No, that was all wrong. So, that night, on mine and Ethan's one month anniversary, I walked across the road. I knew something was up, and I'm pretty sure I'd been too selfish to see what. I didn't knock, I never did. I just pushed the door open and walked into the living room. Jake, as usual, was sprawled out across the couch, watching some movie.

"Hey," I said, softly. He turned to look at me, surprised. I would've been too, because I'd pretty much tried to avoid coming to their house ever since that night. It just felt oddly unsettling, because even though I was with Ethan now, I could still close my eyes and feel Jake's hand on mine and his arm around my waist.

"Hi," Ethan said, slowly, drawing the word out. He wasn't just surprised, he was confused as well. Well, why wouldn't he be? I hadn't seen how much a couple weeks could do to him. He didn't shave around his mouth, so he looked like he was starting to get a beard. I wanted to reach out and touch his little stubbles. Just to barely touch them would've been fine with me. His hair looked as if it hadn't been brushed in days, just washed yesterday though. I smiled, because in the same way, his smokey gray eyes made me knees go weak and his soft smile made my heart stop. Ethan sat up and said, smiling again, "Listen, Jess, Lindsay's in the kitchen if you want her."

"Thanks," I said, nodding slightly. I smiled back at Jake, because how could I not? Then, as I turned to go to the kitchen, I looked at him and asked, "How is it that a guy like you doesn't have a date on a Saturday night?"

"How is it that a girl like Kelly dumps a guy like me about twice before tonight?" Jake countered. I blinked and he explained, "We tried to work it out, but she ended up giving up. Twice."

I swore, which made Jake smile, then I turned around to go find my best friend in the kitchen chopping carrots. Lindz didn't notice me when I first walked in, in fact, she barely heard me when I said, "Hey, Lindz, can we talk?"

After I repeated myself, she looked up at me, her eyes wide.She finally smiled and said, "Yeah, sure. Just let me toss this onto the salad."

I nodded, knowing that if anything was going to go right tonight, I had to talk to Lindz. Besides, I had a full half-hour until my date with Ethan, so I could make this a short heart-to-heart talk and then I could go and meet Ethan at the resturant where we went on our first date. But when Lindsay tossed the carrots onto the salad and turned around to look at me, I realized what really needed to be done. Not just the talk, but I needed to break up with Ethan. Nothing against him, he's prefect, really. But Lindsay gave me such a look that could only mean, 'You have some nerve'. But I chose to ignore it, while I said, "I'm sorry, Lindz. I haven't really been here, have I? I'm sorry about that. I just met a really great guy and--"

"Oh, sure, you met a great guy," Lindz said, rolling her eyes, "then how come neither Jake nor I have seen him?"

"Because," I said, feeling all my emotion boiling into me, "I didn't want you to steal him!"

That was so not the answer Lindsay had expected. That much I could tell. She gave me her dumbfounded look and then finally sighed. She sat down across from me, fiddling with her hands. I didn't know what she was thinking, but I was regretting those words. She finally said, looking up at me, "Jess, if he was your boyfriend, I'd never steal him."

"But--" I started to argue back. Biting my tongue, I told her, "You wouldn't have done it on purpose, Lindz. It's just, everyone falls for you. Everyone. And I didn't want Ethan to fall for you too. People love you and they're attracted to you. I didn't want to lose what I had with Ethan, who's this really awesome hot guy, by the way, to my best friend. Then I'd been forced to hate you, and I didn't want that."

Lindsay smiled, but it wasn't a 'haha-everyone-loves-me' smile, it was a sad smile. She looked down at her fingers and murmuered, "Rob doesn't love me. He isn't attracted to me. I haven't been on a date since then, Jess. I don't know what to do. I think I finally found someone I could settle with, and he doesn't like me, let alone love me."

My heart broke for her. She'd fallen for something that she can't have. I reached across the table with both my hands and grabbed hers. She looked up at me, tears in her eyes. I didn't smile at her like everything was going to be okay, I just said, "Rob, honey, I think Rob liked you. I think, the way I see it, is he liked you a little too much. He knew while you two were going out, you had dates with other guys, and I think that hurt him. I don't think he didn't like you, or didn't love you, I think he did too much. I believe he broke up with you, because he didn't want to get hurt."

Then, as if a light bulb went off in Lindsay's head, she stared at me, with a smile. She asked, her voice shaking, "There's still hope for me?"

"Maybe," I told her, nodding. Because honestly, before I had even said those words, I think a part of me thought that's what was Rob's problem. But she didn't make a move for the phone, even though I knew she wanted to.

"I can stay away from Ethan," she told me earnestly, "and he won't fall for me. By the sounds of it, he's a great guy and he's all yours."

I smiled and said, "I don't think he is."

"Why not?" Lindz asked me, her eyes wide. See, this was the Lindsay I loved. The one who held your hand as you tried to figure out why the hell you decided you needed to break up with your totally perfect boyfriend. Lindsay asked, "Did you see him cheating?"

"No, God, no," I said, shaking my head. Smiling, I said, "I just don't think I want a boyfriend who I have to hide from my best friend, because I know he'll fall for her instead. I don't think that's the kind of guy I want. I want a guy who doesn't, no offense, care about you. He cares about me."

"None taken," she said, smiling.

That's when I realized I was right. That's what I wanted. Now, if I'd ever find that guy? Well, that was a different story. After Lindz and I talked for a few more minutes, we hugged and I knew I should apologize to Jake. Whatever for, I wasn't sure. But when I walked into the living room, I noticed he wasn't on the couch. I realized he was standing at the door, with a girl in front of him.

"No," Jake was saying, "I told you, I'm through with you and all your lies."

"But, Jakey," Kelly was saying, her eyes all red and puffy, "I made a mistake!"

Okay, I knew the girl was Kelly because we'd unoffically met once. And I knew Jake would give in to her just to shut her up, so I walked up to Jake, sliding my arms around his waist. "Honey?" I asked in a soft innocent voice, "Who's this?"

Jake was obvisiously surprised, but he slid his arm around my waist, and I leaned on his side. Jake said, catching on quickly, "Babe, this is Kelly. Kelly, this is my girlfriend, Jess."

"Jess?" Kelly asked, wiping non-existent tears from her eyes. She looked from me to Jake and said, "This is the girl you were talking about? The one you said you were leaving me for?" Hey, what was that? As Kelly rambled on, "This is the girl who you are supposebly in love with? Her? She's--"

"Shut up, Kelly," Jake snapped, and I felt his body go tense. He told her he's in love with me? Really? I smiled despite myself.

But I kept my cool, calm, collectiveness, and my wit and I giggled. Jake looked down at me, did I mention he's like almost a foot taller than me? Yeah, I'm pretty short. Anyways, he looked down at me and I said, "Aw, sweetie, you said all that about me?"

Jake could see right through me, he just grinned and nodded. Kelly, meanwhile we were having our little moment, was freaking out majorly. I didn't catch what half she said, but she stormed towards her car, basically screaming. I knew, I just knew, Lindsay was behind us, and probably had watched the entire thing. As Kelly pulled out and drove away, I prayed that she wouldn't get in an accident. I stepped away from Jake's side, only to see Ethan standing at the end of my driveway, looking in the open door. I blinked. Why was he at my house with roses? And how much had he seen? I looked at Jake and said, "I gotta go."

"Thanks, Jess, I owe you one," Jake told me, smiling. I nodded and made my way across the street. When I glanced back, I saw Lindsay and Jake peeking through the curtains in the living room window. I smiled and then waved at Ethan.

"Hey," I said, smiling, "I thought I told you my parents would be pissed if they found out I had a boyfriend."

"Yeah, I know," Ethan told me, but he didn't give me his floppy smile, "but I thought since it was our month anniversary, I'd at least introduce myself. However, I have a feeling you weren't hiding me from your parents."

"What?" I asked, staring at him. What an incredibly cute thing to say--not. I didn't move, and I was standing about five feet away from him. I'd wanted to run up and kiss him on the lips, but remember that whole breaking-up thing? Yeah, not the best thing to do.

"It seems I wasn't supposed to come around, not because of your parents, but because of your boyfriend," Ethan said, his eyes flickering towards Lindz and Jake's house. I started to laugh, and Ethan gave me a confused look. I shouldn't have laughed, because if I hadn't, it'd given me an excuse to break up with him, rather than the truth. But it was too late. He stood there, dropping the flowers, and glared at me.

"Jake? Jake's my best friend's twin brother," I explained quickly. I glanced at their house--they were still watching. I continued to tell Ethan, "Jake and I are friends, if anything. But he's had this girlfriend, and she keeps dating him and dumping him. He would've ended up going back out with her if I hadn't saved him by pretending to be his girlfriend."

"I was a mile away," Ethan said, exagrating, "and I saw the way you two looked at each other. You can't tell me there isn't anything there!"

I sighed and said, "Sadly, Ethan, I'm not lying when I say there isn't anything there. Jake's this really great guy, and when I'm around him, yeah, I get butterflies and I get all nervous. But he doesn't see me like that, I'm just his little sister's, by like five minutes, best friend. That's all I'll ever be to him. Ever. Besides, if there was ever anything there, I don't know how Lindsay would feel about it."

"Lindsay?" Ethan asked, giving me this odd look, "You mean Lindsay Reed?" I nodded and suddenly Ethan smiled, "She was my girlfriend back in preschool."

I looked at him and started to laugh. Deciding that it was okay for me to flop on the grass, I said, "Ethan, do you like me?"

"Of course I do," Ethan told me, smiling. He walked over to me, and sat down beside me. Then he said, "Where's the break-up line?"

"I've had a really great month and all, but," I told him, sitting up. He didn't say anything, just nodded at me to get this over with, "But, listen. I've been hiding you from my best friend, because I was afraid I'd lose to her. I always lose guys to her. And well, I don't want a guy who I'm afraid will fall for my best friend instead of me. I want a guy who I know won't fall for my best friend, but will fall for me. Does that make sense?"

"Yes, doll, that makes perfect sense," Ethan told me, smiling. "This month has been fun, really a bunch of fun, so I'm hoping we can still be friends?"

"Friends," I echoed and then said, "Sure, then I want you to meet some of my very best friends."

Introducing Ethan to Jake wasn't awkward, I thought it'd be, but it wasn't. I just said, "Hey, Jake, Lindz? This is my friend, Ethan. Ethan, these are the best people in the entire world, it's a huge honour to meet them, I'm sure. Jake and Lindsay."

Jake just smiled. I don't know why, I just thought he'd do something. Something besides do a handshake with Ethan and say, "What's up, man?"

But Lindsay, well, her reaction was a bit different then normal. She took a step back, then squealed, "It's Ethan! From preschool!"

Screaming, she basically pounced on him. Okay, she didn't pounce, but if Ethan hadn't been a steady guy, they'd went flying backwards. I just looked at Jake and winked, which made him smile. Have I ever mentioned that I love when he smiles?

So, by the time school started up, Lindz and Ethan were really close. But not dating close. Just really good friends. That's what got me though, Lindsay and Ethan got along way better than Lindsay and Rob ever had. I wasn't surprised at all when Ethan came up to me in school--oh, get aload of this. He transfered schools to be able to hang out with Linsday, Jake and I more often, how cute is that?--and Ethan asked, "Can I talk to you for a second, Jess? It's important."

"Yes," I said, but before making a move, I added, "and yes you can ask Lindsay out."

Ethan just grinned, and I wondered what made it so easy between us. Sure, we dated for a month, but we were friends for about a month and a half. I liked it better that way. Ethan wrapped his arms around me, and I saw Jake at his locker across the hall staring at us. Ethan just said, "You're the best, Jess."

Then he went racing down the hall. I looked at Jake and sighed. I turned around and grabbed my binder. First period, let's see, I shared that with Lindsay, second I was alone, third I had with Ethan, lunch, then fourth with Jake. I wasn't totally used to the new schedule, considering we were only the third week in of grade tweleve, I wasn't sure if I was the only one. I wasn't the type of person who adjusted easily. Suddenly, as I was wrapped up in my thoughts before I went for fourth period, someone stood right behind me. I'm not kidding. Like really close behind me, with two strong hands around my waist, behind me. I didn't scream, instead, I giggled. See, Jake and I had this "thing" going on, that whenever we'd see Kelly, we'd act totally in love. Yes, half the school actually believed we were "in love". Whatever that's supposed to mean in highschool.

"Hey," Jake's voice came, really softly, "she's coming up from the right."

"Okay," I barely breathed. Smiling, because I'll never forget any moment that Jake touches me. When his hand brushes my skin, my entire body feels like it's on fire. Or lit up like some electrical mechanical machine. I don't know why, but I can never stop smiling after he touches me. It takes me about a day and a half to get off my "high". I mean, honestly? Let's just say Ethan and I never broke up. Say Jake touched my hand, or barely brushed his arm against mine, and then boom! Ethan wanted to break up with me. I'm pretty sure that I'd be like, "Sure thing, man!"

Anyways, Jake squeezed me closer to him, so all my sense were at their max. I heard Kelly's now familiar click-clack of her stupid high heel shoes that look painful to wear. You know, the kind Lindz wears? The ones I don't wear because I prefer flats, since I don't have much of an arch, or comfty running shoes. I heard her gasp slightly, then say, "Jake, I thought you hated P.D.A."

Public Display of Affection. My heart stopped. What would he say? All of a sudden, I heard his voice come close to me, "Mm, Jess, you smell so good."

"Jake, I was talking to you!" Kelly snapped from somewhere behind us. My heart should've went out to her. It should've. It's got to hurt when you see you on-and-off-again exboyfriend doing the one thing he didn't like with another girl that he was "in love" with. P.D.A.

"What?" Jake's muffled voice came. His hands didn't move, but I knew he raised his head and looked at Kelly. He must have been smiling, I could just feel it, and he said, "Oh? Kelly, hi. Did you say something?"

I turned my locker door slightly, so I could see her in my mirror. I don't know why I had that thing in my locker, I never used them. But whatever, it came in handy now. Watching her face go from real mad to I'm-better-than-her was kind of funny. Kelly said, with a giggle, "I just said, I thought you hated P.D.A."

"Yeah," Jake said, with a little chuckled, "I hated it with you. I don't mind it so much with Jessica."

First time I've ever heard him say my full name. It made me feel a bit odd, unsettling. But I didn't say anything of course, I just smiled in the mirror and said, "Hey, Jake?"

"Yeah, baby," Jake said, turning back to me, and I'm sure he forgot about Kelly being there.

"Can you kiss me before we go to English?" I asked, in a soft innocent voice. Of course, I said it loud enough for Kelly to hear. There had to be a dozen other people in the hall, but I don't remember a single one of them. Just me and Jake. He simply smiled and squeezed me. I turned around, still in his grip and I looked up at him.

"Of course," Jake said, smiling back at me, "I'd do it anyways, so I don't know why you'd ask. You silly little thing."

And then he did it. No, it wasn't awkward. No, it wasn't like I was kissing my best friend's brother--even though that's exactly how it was. And no, it wasn't like kissing Ethan. Not one bit. It was so much better. My heart pounded and I lost my balance. Remember that electricity I was talking about? Yeah, well, I think I was going to be "high" on that electricity for a month. No, no, make that a year. When our lips touched, I already knew what to expect, but what I wasn't expecting was how much more it was. It was only a five second kiss, like most kisses couples share before they go into class. But it wasn't just a five second kiss. So far beyond not a five second kiss. It was sweet, delious and so much better than words can describe.

Which is probably why I fainted afterwords. Not even kidding. I just had my dream come true, right? And what do I do afterwords? A normal girl would probably go running around screaming like a manaic, but I'm different. I just totally pass out.

When I woke up, I was in the nurse's office, that much I knew. I'd been in there a couple times for some Advil before, like last year. Anyways, when I woke up, I felt Jake's hand in mine before I knew Jake was sitting beside me. And yes, I knew who was holding my hand before I actually saw him. I don't know how Kelly or Jake reacted after I passed out, but by the look on Jake's face, he was pretty shocked. My throat wasn't dry, like I'd expected it to be, and I just simply said, "Holy crap."

He looked at me, his eye lashes flickering at me. Oh, I love his deep gray eyes, because I've never seen anyone with such eyes like his. It's like they can see right through me. I smiled, and Jake sighed with relief. "How are you feeling?"

"Perfect," I lied, because honestly? I think I might have hit my head when I passed out--I had a bad headache. But in all other aspects, I was perfect. I looked at our hands, and I could feel it. It was like my hand was on fire. But not burning-flame-type of fire. Passion-type fire. And it felt so right.

"Are you sure?" Jake asked, looking at me, totally 100% concerned.

The door opened and the nurse walked in. Nurse Betty, I believe she was called. She smiled and said, "Ah, good. You're awake. Listen, can I trust you Jake to take her home and make sure she gets lots to drink? I think she was a bit--"

I didn't listen to whatever else she had to say. All I knew was she'd given Jake permission to take me home and take care of me. I squeezed Jake's hand, barely controlling this huge urge to pounce on him. After the nurse made me take some Advil, or some little pill, she let us go. But I was a bit shaky, so Jake just picked me up like I was this little baby. You have no idea how romantic that was. Is, I might add. I didn't mind. Not one bit. Not at all.

I just let him take me home. Neither of us said one word until he'd brought me and set me down on the couch. That's when I asked, in a small child-like voice, "You're going to stay, aren't you?"

"Well, yes," Jake said, his eyes sparkling. I think I saw a hint of blue in them. He smiled, and my heart stopped. I swear, it took me a moment to get it to go again. He leaned down close to me and said, "I have orders to make you well."

"But I told you," I said, grabbing his collar of his shirt--one I'd never seen him in before--and I pulled him closer, "I'm perfect."

"Jess," he said in that I'm-warning-you fatherly type voice, "I think you might have hit your head...after you know, you passed out. Come on, Jess, let's work on getting you hydrated."

I laughed and said, "I didn't pass out due to lack of thirst," confused, he didn't move, and I told him, "I passed out because that's what I do when I'm in utter shock. You did feel it, didn't you? The..."

"Fireworks," he muttered, finishing the sentence. Fireworks. Yes, that was a good word for it. Because yeah, it was like an explosion. Grinning, I pulled him on top of me. Yeah, okay, I thought it'd put him in the mood, but he totally crushed me and I made a strangled kind of noise. He laughed and got up, saying, "Jess, you shouldn't have done that. Are you okay?"

"Sure," I said, laughing. I sat up, "Give me a lecture then ask if I'm still alive."

He laughed, sitting on the edge of the couch. He leaned closer to me, but not I-want-to-kiss-you close, just I'm-here-for-you-now-and-always close. My stomach did flip-flops. He looked into my eyes, and I was sure I was going to puke. That's how nervous I was. I was trembling as he pushed part of my black hair out of my face. I think I forgot to sigh. I can't remember. I just know that my skin was on fire. Passion fire. The good kind of fire. He smiled at me, and said, "Do you remember when I met you, Jess?"

"Um, I was five and I was mad at my mother," I said, remembering. I closed my eyes, smiling.

"Yeah, so you went against her rules, and crossed the road without looking," Jake finished for me, "I was sitting on our front lawn and I saw you come sit on the curb."

"I didn't see the truck backing up, and it didn't see me because I was so tiny," I continued when he paused. I didn't move, I knew he'd leaned closer. But how much closer, I wasn't sure.

"I saw the truck backing up, and I yelled at you. You didn't hear me because you were crying. So, I ran over and grabbed your hand," Jake murmurered, really, really, he-could-nibble-on-my-ear close. "And," he continued, "I pulled you off the curb just as the truck probably would've hit you."

I smiled and said, "I could've died, but you save me."

I opened my eyes now, and realized Jake wasn't as close as I'd liked. But he was close. Real close. My body was on fire. I could barely breathe, and truthfully, I kind of liked that feeling. I didn't say anything and I waited until Jake said, "I'm so glad I did. If I die tomorrow," I sucked in more air at that, "I'd like to think I did one thing right. You know, saving you, knowing you, and..." he paused, his hand finding the back of my neck, "loving you."

Yeah, I'm sure that's the place where normal girls would faint, if they had to faint during some part of this. But no, I've already told you. I'm not normal, I do things different. I'm different. I don't like those highheels, I can't flirt like Lindsay, I don't beg to get guys like Kelly, I hate being overly dressed for something, don't care if I'm underdressed, and I just want a weak-in-the-knees-I-don't-care-about-Lindsay kind of guy. A guy like Jake. A Jake. That's actually what I wanted. No, that's not. What I really wanted wasn't a Jake or the Jake, it was just Jake. I think I knew that back when he and I used to whisper about the idiotic guys who flock his sister eating pop corn and watching some tear-jerking chick flicks as I waited for her to come home. In fact, I think I knew that the day he saved my life, then walked me back across the street to the safe arms of my mother, and then got in trouble for crossing it back alone. I don't care. He said the three things he did right were; saving me, thank God for that too, knowing me, that's just plain sweet, and loving me, and that's what made me push him on his back on the floor. I think I might have hurt him, but I didn't care. I flopped beside him, holding my upper body up with my arms, which I put on either side of his head, and I kissed him. No, I didn't faint. But hell yes, the fireworks were still there.

---

Two Years Later

---

No, I wasn't still with Jake, and no, neither were Ethan and Lindsay. But yeah, I stayed friends with Jake, just like I had with Ethan for that entire best year of my life. The year I left for universary, I hugged Lindsay goodbye, who was going to a college about a half-hour away from mine, Ethan, who got into that Art school he'd once told me all about, and I just looked at Jake. Our break-up had been mutual, or at least, I acted as if I was okay with it. But I wasn't. My heart broke into a million and one different pieces. I just stared at Jake, knowing I had to get in the car and go. That's when I grabbed his hand, squeezed, then backed up so I held it at arm's lenght, staring at him. I didn't say goodbye, I just said, "I'm sorry, Jake," and I don't even know what I was sorry for. Jake was going to some universarty half-way across the country. I knew this was my goodbye. Why didn't I just pounce on him and kiss him goodbye? Because I was scared too. It's something Lindsay would've done. Just not to her brother. But at that time, Lindsay and Ethan were still together.

Half way through the year at universary, I got a question on my advice site. It was one that scared me. Big time. It went like this:

"Dear Just Ask Jess,

There's this girl I've fallen for, yes, I'm in love with her. I met her when we were just kids. We'd been friends for a while, but she was a lot closer to my flirty sister. (I say "flirty sister" because she's beyond flirtatious with everyone). Anyways, I dated her, but I had to break up with her because I was afraid she wouldn't want a long-distant realtionship. My universary is half-way across the country from hers. I was afraid, I'd be this pathetic faithful guy sitting in my dorm daydreaming of the holidays, and she'd be off in bed with someother guy. I didn't want that, but it killed me to break up with her. I've been thinking about every moment we had together. We'd dated for almost an entire school year, sad I know, but every time we touched, it was like fireworks. We didn't even have to kiss to have an explosion. We were perfect together, or so my friend--also her exboyfriend--tells me. I don't know what to do. Should I call her? I pick up the phone sometimes, dial her number and then hang up before it connects. I don't know what to do. I want to go and see her, I want to hold her, I want to tell her I love her still. But I can't. I just can't do that to her or me.

I'm so confused.

Help me.

Please.

Or I don't know what I'll do.

Just_A_Guy_Desparately_In_Love"

Believe me, I stared at the screen for a long time. How should I answer this? I knew it was Jake. It just had to be. So, I didn't reply for a week. And then another week. Some of my regulars e-mailed me and asked me why I didn't answer him. Finally, about a month after he'd asked me, I e-mailed him. I sat down and wrote:

"Yo Just A Guy In Love,

You love her right? Why don't you try and tell her that? Who cares if it isn't proper to call and tell a girl that you love her? Just do it. Otherwise, she'll sit up late at night, wondering what if he meant it back in highschool? Because believe me, she isn't getting in bed with some other guy--she doesn't even look twice at another guy. She just can't. Her heart, soul and mind belong to a totally different guy. A guy, *nudge, nudge* like you. She's probably laying in her bed just sitting there, or watching the phone and her e-mail like a hawk, crying all the same. Just pick up that phone, and wait for it to ring. When she answers, don't say a word. Just wait. If she really loves you, she'll know it's you. Trust me on this, okay? Just tell her she's still your girl.

Sorry it took so long to reply,

You Just Asked Jess".

Lame, sure, in fact, even Buzz_Mickie, a girl who always approves of my advice told me that it wasn't normal. She e-mailed me asking me if everything was okay. I explained my entire story to her, and was crying while I did it. Buzz_Mickie, or Mick as I called her, replied telling me that she totally understood why I wrote this advice. Because I was praying to God it was him. Just as I replied to her, my phone rang. I picked it up just after I hit "send".

"Hello?" I asked, breathlessly.

"Hey, girl!" Lindsay's voice came.

"Oh, it's you," I said, and I probably couldn't have sounded more disappointed. It's not my fault idiotic but totally lovable Jake stole my heart and forgot to give it back before I came here.

"Who did you want it to be?" Lindsay asked, her cheerful self, "Does my little Jess have a date...?"

"No," I said, softly, "sorry. No date. No me moving on. Did you talk with him?"

"Yeah, he says universary is awesome," Lindsay told me, then in her most mysterious voice yet, she added, "but he didn't sound to happy about it. In fact, he was cursing when he found out it was me. He isn't any better than you, Jess. But I think you both need to lighten up."

"Of course you do," I muttered, rolling my eyes. I stared at my screen. I don't know what I was waiting for. But I got an e-mail in that split second I was thinking about Jake, again. I walked over to my computer. Alright, alright, that's a straight-face lie and I know it. I ran over, and told Lindz to hang on. She waited, while I opened the e-mail from an unknown sender. The e-mail address? aguyinlovewithagirl@lovvaa.com. I smiled and opened it immediately. Fireworks. Animated fireworks filled my screen. At the bottom of the screen I read; "This is how she makes me feel when I see her".

"Jess? Hello?" Lindsay's confused voice came. I put the phone back up to my ear.

"Yeah?" I asked, feeling a lot better.

"Well, didn't you hear me?" Lindz asked, "I want to go for coffee now."

"Coffee, now?" I asked, sighing. Exiting the e-mail, I said, "Alright, Starbucks, twenty minutes?"

"Bingo," she said in a sing-song kind of way. She hung up and I wondered, I just wondered. But I grabbed my purse, sighing, and I ran out of my dorm room.

After coffee with Lindz, I felt a lot better than I had lately. Or since I'd left home. When I crawled in my bed that night, noticing my roommate Bethany, already asleep, with her boyfriend of two years's arms wrapped around her. Yuck, it made me feel sick. I wish that was me and....nevermind. I knew I wouldn't fall asleep right away, I never did. But I guess my coffee with Lindz made me feel better, because I was out like a light bulb when it burns out. Something though, was unsettling in my stomach. When I woke up, it was to a ringing phone, and it was pitch black out. I grumbled, reaching over and picking up the phone, at the same time turning the light on.

"Where's the fire?" I asked, annoyed. No one said a word. All I heard was breathing. I sat up a bit and looked at Bethany, who wasn't waking up, but her boyfriend was. I sighed and rubbed my eyes, and asked again annoyed, and totally not thinking, "I said, where's the fire?"

"I don't know," a deep voice came, totally making the hairs on my neck stand up, "but there's a pile of unused fireworks in your hall way."

Fireworks? My hall? What the hell? But it didn't matter, I knew that voice. Jake. I tossed my blankets off me and got up out of my bed, acting like I didn't know who it was, I said, "I don't know who this is, but I didn't order any fireworks."

"Oh," he said, and then nothing. I could've stayed forever in that moment, trying to figure out why on Earth Jake would be calling me. I should've been mad, but I so wasn't. I looked at my PJs, they weren't my sexy ones, but it didn't matter.

"Who's calling at this hour?" Derek, who happened to be Bethany's boyfriend, asked me, his voice all muffled.

"Just the fire department," I muttered, smiling, "go back to sleep."

"Fire department?" Derek asked, his voice heavy and tired.

"Mhm, go to sleep," I told him softly. I bent over like any mother would've and pulled the blanket back on top of him. He smiled and then suddenly was snoring again. On the phone, I said, "Jake? You still there?"

But there wasn't an answer. And I knew he was standing outside my door, probably with a box of fireworks. Or maybe just himself. Either way, I wasn't going to get an answer from him unless I opened up my door. So, I walked to it, and didn't see him. Anywhere. I blinked and then, on the phone, I heard a door shut. Ohmigod, he was leaving. He'd heard Derek's voice and thought it was some guy in my bed. Leaving my door totally open on poor Bethany and Derek, I darted down the hall. I dropped my cell somewhere on the way too. I ran down the stairs, praying to God that he wouldn't leave. "Don't go, don't go."

I pushed the door open, ran through the lobby and made my way out the door. I darted towards the parking lot. As I saw Jake's old car turning around, I ran across the road and stood in the enterance of the parking lot. No way was he going to run me over. When he finally pulled up to leave the parking lot, he saw me and honked his horn. I smiled. It was the same ol' messy bed-haired Jake I knew. And I'm sure his eyes were still that smokey gray. No way, after sitting around for about four months crying and missing him, and thinking non-stop about him, was I going to let him go. I just wanted to hug him and hold him. I wanted to touch him. And then I realized he'd come all the way across the country for me. Just to see me. Maybe I was wrong, maybe he'd come to see Lindz, but I'm sure she'd told me that. So, there I stood, at around three am, I think, in my PJs, refusing to move. I could tell he was glaring at me. But I just sat down in the middle of the road. He honked a couple more times, then, since I wasn't facing him, I heard the car door slam.

"Are you insane, Jess? Do you want me to run you over?" he basically yelled. I didn't make a move to get up. I just stared forward. I was going to cry. Jake, whom I hadn't seen in four months, was here and I was going to cry. I tried my best to hold back tears. I really did, but they just came out. And I guess me crying totally softened him up, because he came and sat beside me. Not touching me, or I-want-to-be-so-close-to-you beside me. He just sat beside me. In a softer voice, he said, "Aw, Jess, why are you crying?"

"I've been crying," I muttered angrily, "every night since you broke up with me. Think tonight's any different? Do you know what it's like to see your roommate with her boyfriend's arms wrapped around her tightly every night and know that could never be me and you?"

Jake didn't say anything, which didn't surprise me. What could he say to that? But after a long moment, like five-minutes-of-silence-long moment, he turned to me and said, "Kiss me."

It was that simple? Okay, with him, yeah, it was just that simple. I leaned in, I was trembling, and he whispered, "Don't be nervous. Just kiss me, Jess. Please."

"If," I whispered before I met his lips with mine, "I die tomorrow, I want to know that I did one thing right."

"What's that?" he barely breathed. I could tell he wanted this as much as I did. But I wasn't a stupid teenage girl anymore. I was in universary, and I shouldn't being depressed about it either. But I had been. Really badly too. Something about the way Jake's gray eyes looked at me, it just made me melt. We were perfect for each other. Whether he liked it or not. We were. And that's what I was going to believe.

"That I kissed you after I told you that I'm still in love with you," I whispered before I placed my lips on his sweet soft ones. And holy crap. Believe me when I say, I shouldn't have fainted after the first time we kissed in highschool. I should've totally fainted after this one. It was perfect and ten times more romantic than the first kiss. There we were, sitting under the stars, whispering to each other. It was perfect.

Which is why I wanted to tell Jake, that after this, I wasn't letting him go. He smiled and said, "Do you know, how many times I--"

"Picked up the phone, dialed and then hung up before I could answer?" I asked, raising my eye brows. His face went a million different shades of red, which was so cute. I just grabbed his hand and placed it on my waist, and then I leaned up, slipping my arm between his arm and body to place it on the cement, and I kissed him again. After a moment, I whispered, "Yeah, I know."

---

Spring break, I couldn't wait. By the time I got home, I was looking around the backyard where my mother was holding her famous parties. Normally they were charity events, but this one was a "Welcome Home" for me, Lindz, Jake and even Ethan, whom my mother liked quite a lot. I searched the crowd, which was basically my entire neighborhood, absent-mindingly talking to people I've known since forever. But all I wanted was to see Jake again. Suddenly, something was being stuffed into my mouth. One of my mother's favourite bakery's pies. I blinked, taking a step back. Lindz was the one who stood in front of me stuffing my mouth, saying, "Have you ever had something more yummy?"

"Um," I said, chewing and licking my lips, "yeah."

"Oh, sure," she said, smiling, "like what has tasted better than this?"

"Um, your brother's lips," I admitted sheepishly. She laughed, shaking her head.

"Didn't need to know that, Jess. Is he still not here?" she asked, her eyes looking around. I shook my head nervously. She sighed and said, "Only Jake would get lost in his hometown."

Suddenly, the classical crap my mother claimed was "good music" was cut short. Everyone stopped talking to look around. Then suddenly, we heard a voice, "Hey people, I just wanted to say thanks for the party and where's the love of my life?"

I turned around. I'd know that voice anywhere. Jake Reed. I almost lost my footing when I saw him standing up on the big stereo system my mother had bought just for these stupid parties of hers. I smiled and squealed like I had the night Lindz lied to me, when she told me that Rob had told her that he loved her. I raced to him, and he jumped down, dropping the microphone as well. I threw my arms around his neck and basically dangled from him for a few seconds. He was laughing, and smiling, and I was so nervous. I leaned back after a moment, still in his arms of course and asked, "Aren't you going to kiss me?"

And he did. And the fireworks were still there. Believe me, I don't think they'll ever die.