Jan and Micheal had been in love for six years. They had lived together for three years. Jan loved being a homemaker, and kept a beautiful and immaculate home. Micheal was handsome and sporty, and made a decent living as a stock broker. However, Micheal could not seem to become committed to marrying Jan. Even though on the outside they appeared as the perfect married couple, if someone was to look on this inside they would see an entirely different story. Jan could feel the good old biological clock ticking, and craved the stability of marriage.1
"This is it! Either we were going to get married or I’m leaving for real this time," thought Jan, while planning a romantic evening for the two of them. It was the sixth anniversary of their first date. They had hardly been separated since that time. Falling madly in love with each other in spite of what seemed like differences, these things only made them more alike in so many ways. Three years after dating they got a New York apartment together. They didn’t live the fast life, but they lived a nice life. They both drove nice cars. Micheal drove the Camero, and Jan the Porsche. Only without that piece of paper making them husband and wife, Jan started feeling more like a kept slave than Micheal's lover and soul mate. It had bugged Jan forever and Micheal promised commitment to marriage would come at the right time, it just never seemed like the right time. Well, with this romantic evening planned either it was the right time or Jan was walking for real. Jan had even called Mom and let her know the plan. Jan's mother whined a bit, as she adored Micheal, but she knew that Jan’s happiness was the most important thing. Even when she had told Jan that it was only happiness she desired for her only child, it had made Jan feel guilty, but just as determined to leave. 2
Just as Jan was lighting the last candle on the table, Micheal walked in. The warm air carried the delicious aroma of veal parmesan as it filled the house. Micheal kissed Jan and whispered in Jan's ear that no one could cook as well. They retreated out to the lanai as Jan tucked the a dozen ruby red roses, that Micheal had brought home, in a beautiful vase. Jan noticed, with high hopes, that Micheal's whole demeanor seemed different.3
Jan's green eyes glistened as they sat across from each other on the candle lit porch. Micheal seemed happy too, sipping slowly on vintage red wine that Jan had broken out for this special occasion. Micheal savored the dinner, and Jan, the perfect lover, as both had great appeal. Micheal admired the shapely body that was always dressed in the most recent fashions, and the long luscious legs, that no man, no matter his opinion, about a woman could ever take for granted. Jan was truly a site to behold. Jan could cook too, and didn’t skimp when it came to serving the finest meals. Micheal wondered how Jan always kept such a fit figure. Perhaps it was the faithful trips to the gym. Micheal knew that Mother loved Jan dearly as well. They had spent numerous hours out shopping together at different plazas. Always coming home pleasant and delighted to be in each other’s company. Jan had been by Micheals side so faithful when Micheal's father had passed on. No greater love was showed from Jan than was showed to Micheal during that deeply painful time. That was one reason that all of this was going to be so hard. Micheal really dreaded what the next few minutes life held. Micheal knew that Jan would hurt her greatly with what was going to have to be said, and because it had been eating away at the soul now for at least six months, and Micheal couldn’t live the lie anymore. 4
Micheal took a deep breath, looked deep into Jan's eyes, and proclaimed, "I am leaving you Jan, I'm sorry it's over." Jan felt faint as the words floated out into the room as if in a dream. Could it really be true? Jan managed to get out, "Why?" before hot tears started falling down to sting pink cheeks. Micheal looked at Jan and said, "The perfect truth is that I have decided I want to find a man to take care of me so that I can stop working and have a baby." Jan then understood. Jan had been Micheal's soul mate, and they had lived more opposite and strange lives than most, but the time had come for her to be who she really was. He couldn’t stop Micheal from wanting to claim her birthright and want what Jan could never give her. A full life as a woman. Jan slipped out of his evening dress and into some of Micheal's faded blue jeans and a lumber jack shirt, and went to call his mother to ask for the plane fare home.5
Author notes
This is just a story with a twist
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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A gentle story about what seems at first to be an ideal couple, but given the type of competition, I knew it had to flip. It still caught me unawares, proving I am not with it, at all. Tsk!! Huge revelation? Nah!
Typo department: Jan was truly a site to behold. Check "site/ cite/ sight" in a dictionary. Spell-check can't spot real words.
Also, Micheal's side / faithfully.
Jan had been by Micheals side so faithful when
I hope for help like this (Maybe I should plant one to be sure?)
Oh well. Maybe it doesn't need planting?
Great story
Terry
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I thank you for taking the time to read this. I'm glad you enjoyed it! It took me a few times to write it just right so that the secret wouldn't be given away until the end
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What a strange surprise. This made me well: laugh
You surely surprised me with this. The whole write is very well done, I salute you for the originality of this piece. Thank you for entering and I apologize for judging this so late. Due to a lot of entry I felt there rested me no choice. Love 
Sam
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It is awesome!
Wow! This story was absolutely amazing! I like this a lot! This story is very amazing and you have a true talent and remember don't give up writing for something else because that could be a huge mistake and I know it would be! I like this story very much... Well keep up the good work and I will have to see if you have any other short stories! But I can't at the moment because I want to read others! You already have my thought on this story! Well keep up the awesome work! -
wow that certainly was a twist. I had to go back and read it again after I read the ending! that was a very good story with extremely nonstereotypical characters. Very good write, good luck in the contest!
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"Short" in glitter's mind is apparently anything less than three paragraphs Papillon1.
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What do you mean it 's not short? What is short?
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Thanks for entering, but its not really short?
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How funny...I've read this before! I didn't realize it til later when I was like hmmm this is familiar and saw that I had already commented on it. But now that I read it a second time...I get it! It's really good...I like it a lot..esp. the little twist...Great write. Thanks for entering and good luck!
Cassie
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good
Well that was quite a surprise. Very smoothly written. You have spun a good tale.
thanks,
John -
Hooves Applauds!
What I took from this is at the end they were more interested in their own happiness and couldn't seem to find the needs or the feelings of the other. They both wanted the same thing right? Essentially? But they coudn't get it from each other and that was because they were playing roles. I might be confused though but this made me think a lot and I enjoyed reading it.
Hooves -
Thanks for the comment.I really like your story.It has a nice twist on the end.Great job.
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It's interesting, I really didn't plan on this being a social commentary..but I guess the mind will write what the mind sees. I do believe that it is sad that they stopped loving each other because of social norms, but I don't believe that Micheal would have ever been fufilled living as the bread winner, and well I think this story now that I really concentrate has numerous options for interpretation. It's almost like I didn't write it anymore LOL Thanks Yem, can't wait to check out if you have anything new!
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Michael is a woman who has repressed this fact because Jan wanted her to live as a man. Thus we have Michael, a woman protraying a man and Jan, a man protraying a woman. Interesting--and it speaks volumes about modern society. Here is my experience--where someone I knew who could not be happy being who they were, wishing instead to be someone who they perceived themselves to be. The desire is to have what others seemingly have--it is an empty world, devoid of any true values. The story also shows the reader something about his own pre-conceptions, by turning our accustomed world upside down, you show us our pre-conceived ideas about men and women. Here is also something that bothers me--Jan and Michael were perfect for each other--in whatever form they chose to take. The flaw it seems, wasn't in how they presented themselves, but that they allowed themselves to stop loving one another. How they gendered themselves really is secondary to their allowing perception to enter into their lives. Oh, I was there not too long ago. No, not cross-dressing, but the allowing societies "opinion" to matter. Jan and Michael ceased to be "themselves" and acquiesed to social norms.
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Wow..that is one of the best reviews I have ever recieved! I do tend to not do as well with grammar as I would like. I said brung roses?? I will have to look at that eek! I really enjoyed your wonderful commentary and analitical proccess about my story..I'm honored!
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You have presented a short, well developed tale of two sharing people whose gender roles are reversed: she in the marketplace; he at home and hearth. The conflict you present is the old problem of need or desire for more. You conclude it well and with a bit of a twist, hints of which you have "hidden" throughout the story.
I think there is a little more meaning to the story than you, at least consciously, meant. First, I think you are reflecting a state of society today where gender lines have been crossed and recrossed until a lot of people have no idea who they are, where they are, or why. Is Jan...? Perhaps that is what you leave us with, simply "Is Jan." After all "...went to call his mother to ask for the plane fare home."
Your story makes me a bit sad, not sad for the tale, but sad for the situations so rampant around us, that, even without the gender twist, portray the state of our culture.
You have a few places where your phrasing or sentence construction needs work. Dig out that old Comp 101 and Harbrace is best advice anybody ever gave me. One of my pet peeves: Did Micheal reall "brung" home roses?
You have the skeleton (with a lot of good flesh) of a very good short-short here. Tend to the basics. I really enjoyed it and look to read more from you. -
Dear Short,
It was a twisted story, they seemed like the perfect couple, but in the end they were totally backwards from what one might expect from a perfect couple. Then Micheal wanted a more conservative relationship with someone that SHE could feel more like a woman with, and Jan who made the perfect woman for Micheal was really a man. So who knows if either of them will ever find the "perfect" life again? Thanks so much for reading my story -
wow i don't think i got that one. hmmmm wow it was good but it's so good that i didn't get it. not so good is that!
Sara -
want to find a man to take care of me so that I can stop working and have a baby." Jan then understood. Jan had been Micheal's soul mate, and they had lived more opposite and strange lives than most, but the time had come for her to be who she really was. He couldn’t stop Micheal from wanting to claim her birthright and want what Jan could never give her. A full life as a woman.
The truth is that Jan was a man, but lived as a woman, and Micheal was a woman that lived as a man, but now Micheal wanted to live as a woman, and didn't want to live with a man that wanted to be a woman..not sure the details why..but that was the twist
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So they were both men? Is that correct? I liked it, good write. Got a little confused towards the end there, the details became a little rushed and choppy, but the rest was nice. I often feel that way about my current relationship. 4 years and still only the promise of a ring..ah but I love him too much to actually go through with "the dinner." I'll wait a little while longer.
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