Bittersweet

I strode across the park desperately trying to clear the memories from my mind, but nothing seemed to help, nothing ever seemed to help, to be so close to her, and yet so far was slowly killing me. It was days like this that I regretted ever meeting her. These were the days where I managed to sneak a few moments alone with her, days when at the end of breakfast she and I were the last ones there, days when we ran into each other in completely deserted hallways. These were the days that brought back painful memories. I shook my head trying to clear the thoughts from my brain. It seems like so much has happened in so short a time, everything is spiraling out of control. We had been in love, now I don’t even exist to her. I had tried to explain to her what had happened, only to be violently rebuffed. My gaze wandered to her. She was sitting under a tree by the lake. My chest constricted when I noticed that she was not alone. I turned abruptly on heel and headed off and the opposite direction.1

You try to tell me where your heart is2

you say there's nothing wrong3

and the honesty in your eyes tells me4

that I should be strong5

I don't want to get wrapped up in morbid reflection6

because that's a pessimistic space7

and the situations I imagine8

are lost somewhere in you face 9

I had had such hope when he thought that she had invited him here, only to find out that it was a mistake. At first I thanked my lucky stars that I had a chance to speak to her, but when I realized that she wasn’t listening I wished I’d never come. To find out that another had taken her heart had been almost too much for me to bear. The fact that she refused to believe me broke my heart more than I had thought was possible. She had been my life, my first love, my everything. She was everything to me and I was nothing to her. 10

because when were together it's bittersweet11

now your with him and I miss you12

I feel somehow incomplete13

I try to stand on my own14

I take it one day at a time15

and if you ask me how I'm doing16

I bite my lip and say I'm fine 17

I reached the school just as the tears began to wet my cheeks. To remember was to hurt into despair. To forget was impossible. Knowing that I had hurt her was possibly the most difficult thing to bear. Or maybe the most difficult thing to bear was the fact that she refused to listen to even a simple explanation. But many times I contemplated leaving, but my addiction to her was too strong. I knew I couldn’t leave no matter how much it hurt me. 18

well I don't know19

I can't sing20

can't sleep do anything21

I just know I'll be there waiting22

for you to come around 23

So I stayed and I tried not to think. I tried not to think that the time when Alexis was in love with George. I tried not to think that now Alexis was in love with Luther. But like a boomerang thrown from the past and scooping up bits of the future my mind constantly return to those two times. I couldn’t ignore it, I couldn’t get over it. I couldn’t forget it, I couldn’t move on. My life focused on both trying to avoid her, and trying to be near her. I waited in a kind of limbo, waited for the day when she would listen to me. She may still love Luther. It may change nothing, except at least they could be friends. I needed to be in her life like the earth needed the rain.24

I know you tell me all the time that I worry too much25

but not a day goes by where I'm not thinking about you26

what we had27

what we could have28

if you just give me one more chance29

I miss you30

and it's so bittersweet 31

Once again I attempted to clear my mind, at least enough to stop the tears that were running down my cheeks. It was so hard being near her but not being able to be with her. But it was harder still to not be able to be with her but to be nowhere near her. It seemed like one of life’s great ironies, this bittersweet existence of mine.32

Author notes

Based on and containing the lyrics to Bittersweet by Good Riddance.

A contest entry

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Comments


  • sodancewithsoda silver member
    July 19, 2007

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    Wow.. I could so relate with this.. well, haha, years back, I would have been able to perfectly relate with this ^_^ I love how you put the song in there.. the piece was already emotional but yet, I think the story was heightened by the lyrics themselves ^_^ I have not heard of this song (I'm not a song person ) but I might check it out soonish ^_^

    One word stuck out like a sore thumb (in my opinion) - "constricted" - I just thought that given something that seemed so personal, "tightened" may have been a better word? But yes, that's just my opinion

    Thanks so much for this! I greatly enjoyed thanks for entering and good luck with the contest


  • LadyLionnir
    July 5, 2007

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    Wow, this was amazing. I loved the flow of emotion and the descriptions. To me, I could feel the experience while reading it. There was also some poetry, in which flowed and went very well with the story itself. Good job, good luck in the contest and thank you for entering.


  • Alyss Lovely
    June 28, 2007

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    Absolutely...

    ... wonderful! You obviously have a very creative mind and you have amazing usage of words!
    Definately beautifully written =]

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • Taylor Renee
    June 28, 2007

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    But many times I contemplated leaving, but my addiction to her was too strong.

    ...One of my fave lines

    But like a boomerang thrown from the past and scooping up bits of the future my mind constantly return to those two times. I couldn’t ignore it, I couldn’t get over it.

    ...I liked that one too

    OKay. So on to the review
    This was so sad.
    And so beautifully written.
    I think its one of my favorites so far.
    Definately a finalist.
    And it was a non prewrite!!! That rocks
    Anyway, about the story.
    I think it was written great, and the plot was awesome. So thats terrific.
    Also, I didnt notice spelling and grammer mistakes Im not big on that,and as long I can understand it, idk, but you always get a bonus from me if its all nice like yours


    So. I'm in one of my critisizing moods, but I have nothing to critisize

    Great job, and thanks for entering!
    Good lcuk!!!
    xoox
    Tay