It was ice cold inside of the room. Billi sat on one of the frozen metal chairs with her knees hugged to her chest, wishing that she'd worn pants instead of a skirt. It was like a fucking iceberg in here....
The receptionist had only acknowledged her presence when Billi had knocked on her window. Even then, the only word that the grim-faced woman had spoken was "name." Billi told her and then obediently filled out the form that the woman gave her.
The questions were the normal ones, but they were taking a while to fill out. The pen that the receptionist had given her was coated with a metallic surface, so that by the time Billi had finished writing down her list of allergies, her hand was so cold that the surface of the pen wasn't even warmed by her body heat. Her fingers felt like ice. She curled them into the thin fabric of her blouse and shivered.
Everything was cold and sterile and unfriendly in the room. Billi had never had an abortion before, but she was a smart student and she'd taken psychology last year during eighth grade. For such a controversial procedure, she wondered why they hadn't taken steps to make the room nicer, or at least a little bit warmer.
A plant in the corner of the room would do wonders, she thought to herself, looking around the empty waiting room. Redesign the chairs, or replace them entirely with something wooden and cushioned. Add some carved cedar picture frames with flowers and puppies painted inside.
Do something, she concluded, to make this room less horrible. So that I don't freak out, like I'm almost freaking out right now. Take my mind off the knowledge that I'm killing my baby and if Mama finds out, she'll kick me out of the house.
"Distract me from the lump inside my belly that's gonna ruin my life," Billi whispered aloud. There was a swishing sound and the sliding glass window that divided the receptionist's desk from the waiting room slid open.
"Did you say something?" the receptionist asked. Her face was hard and unsmiling, with black, emotionless eyes staring out from a hard, Teutonic frame.
"No," Billi said, avoiding the woman's gaze.
"Give me your forms."
Looking down at the grid-like tiles on the floor, Billi walked over to the window and handed her the papers. The woman took them wordlessly and slammed the window shut before Billi could ask how much longer she would have to wait.
Billi added the receptionist to the list she was building inside of her head: Things That Are Wrong With This Situation. Shouldn't someone employed in such an emotionally intensive environment be less...hostile? And where were the other patients? When Billi had snuck into the Planned Parenthood building downtown to get a free pregnancy test, the waiting room had been packed with worried mothers and screaming, energized children.
And, she concluded silently to herself, there was the biggest question of them all; how the hell had she been so stupid as to let herself get pregnant in the first place?
A polished, metal table stood next to where she was sitting. In any other waiting room, it would have been stacked with last month's magazines. In this place, however, the table was empty except for a small, glass dish stacked with business cards pronouncing the name of the clinic.
Billi took one automatically and stuck it in her backpack. The metal surface of the table was reflective, she noted as she zipped up her bag.
Leaning over, she stared at her reflection in the table, almost fascinated by what she saw.
She took after her father. She knew that much and was grateful for it, even though her dad had left them when she was two. It was a weird thing to be happy about, but Billi didn't want to look like her mama. Her older sister Eileen looked like Mama, with her stringy brown hair, squished bulbous nose and propensity towards weight gain.
Billi had thick blond hair and a narrow, Roman nose with a bump in the bridge. She was the skinniest one of the family and, after Eileen, she was the smartest. Eileen was gonna graduate from high school next year, a straight 'A' student, and so far Billi was following in her footsteps.
Billi'd heard some of the teachers talking about her one day and learned that they were considering skipping her ahead to eleventh grade....or at least, would have, if weren't for her awful math scores. They were the biggest thing holding her back.
But she was smart, dammit, and she was pretty enough. So why had she let herself get pregnant? Why had she trusted Rusty to know how to put on a damn condom and why, for the love of god, had she waited this long to get to an abortion clinic?
Billi closed her eyes to her reflection and sat back in the hard, metal chair. She placed her hands over her stomach and tried not to think about the baby growing inside of her.
"It's meat," she whispered, the words coming out fierce and choked as she tried to will herself to believe them. "It's just meat inside of my belly. Unwanted meat. You're doing it a favor by doing this. You can't take care of a baby. You can't...."
She broke off and clutched at her head.
"Fuck!"
The glass window slid open.
"Did you say something?" the receptionist asked, her voice a cool monotone.
"No! Leave me alone!" Billi screamed, forgetting that she had been lucky to get an appointment, forgetting that this was the only place in town that had agreed to do the operation without her parent's written permission.
The receptionist didn't respond to her outburst, her black, impassive eyes showing nothing as the window slid back into place.
Shivering violently in the cold and friendless room, Billi clutched at her legs and lied to herself, again and again, as she desperately tried to believe that she was doing the right thing.
Author notes
Continue to the next chapter: http://storywrite.com/story/show/93449
...But before you do, please leave a review!
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Inspired by my one sentence story of (almost) the same name. I'm probably going to try and continue this one. Please give me any constructive criticism you can think of so that I can make this story better.
Oh. And please DON'T tell me your ethical/moral beliefs concerning abortion or pre-marital sex. I'm just trying to be a good writer by writing about situations that interest me. So tell me that my writing sucks, if you want, but please don't preach at me. Please?
Thank you! Merci boucoup!
A contest entry
- 3 Part Contest - click and see! :D by EmeraldDreams.
100 points, ended July 5, 2007, 9 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Anything and Everything by SpunkyPunky.
225 points, ended July 17, 2007, 45 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Something Controversial by TheRandomToaster.
830 points, ended July 10, 2007, 12 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Touchy Subjects by Springs.
374 points, ended July 15, 2007, 19 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Quirky characters (Focused writing contest: part I) by Phoenix Orion.
175 points, ended July 18, 2007, 10 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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This is very interesting. I'll definitely keep reading. Your stories are always excellent.
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It was like a fucking iceberg in here....
You're writing in third person so this would be a thought, needing either single quotes or italics to set it off.
she thought to herself,
thoughts are usually assumed to be to oneself, therefore "to herself" is redundant. Removing it won't take away from what you're trying to say, just makes it less wordy.
"and" or "but" shouldn't start sentences unless they're in dialogue.
Honestly this story was very difficult for me to read. You were realistic in the thought process. The subject is a touchy one and I'm sure hits close to home for many people. You do well describing the character and what she is going through and how alone a person feels. Well written. -
This is bitter sweet..i swear..i want to cry. I also agree w/ Black Dragon though it is confusing in the begining though.
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This was truly excellent. Kinda confusing during the beginning, couldn't tell whether it was first person or not, but other than that it was great, and I love it.
It was very interesting, and the emotions running through Billi were believable and realistic, well done!
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I liked it!! Yay!
Although, there was one grammatical error that bugged me somewhere in the middle:
"Billi'd heard some..." If this was first person, and she was referring to someone else, this would have been fine. But its not, so contractions like this are grammatical errors. "Billi had heard some..."
I loved it though! Looking forward to reading on.
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It was very entertaining, although I wonder if someone as smart as Billi would be prone to screaming obscenities in waiting rooms. I can imagine her thinking "FUCK!" certainly, but not saying it.
And, unfortunately, as entertaining as it was: it didn't make me feel anything. I don't know why. It's still a good story, I guess it's just the way I took it.
beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 3, characters: 3.
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I think you brought realism to Billi's character. You took a difficult subject, and made (me) the reader feel.
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Interesting....very interesting, though you finally did a good job of letting us know what the woman looks like, but there are other important details about her that you left out, how long has she been pregnant?
I also wouldn't mind knowing a little bit more about what the receptionist looks like.
This was good writing, though it could use some more work...also, it wasn't quite as quirky a character as I had hoped -
One of the most powerful pieces so far in the contest. The initial scene you have set is one of a bleak and foreboding place for this girl.
The character herself is easy to empathise with, in such a distressing situation. I definately want to know how she gets on.
Thanks for the entry!
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So far, you're making an interesting setting and an interesting character. Doctor's offices are cold! I hate them! And I love how Billi has those little moments of talking to herself; I have a feeling those instances say something about her character...I don't know...maybe I'm just thoughlessly typing stuff in this box...I'm gonna keep reading!
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fucking good start here. the atmosphere and sterile nature of the abortion clinic was perfectly executed as was the emotions running through billi's head. please continue this, maybe with a flashback of the moment between her and rusty when they had sex, or when she told him...if she has! either way or whatever you choose, this is sounding amazing so keep it going!
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I noticed in your stories that you do not describe in the traditional way. That is such a treat. My favorite part was when she leaned over the describe what she saw in the table. You didn't use the classic 'window' or 'mirror'. That's cool.
As for any help....I was so caught up in the story that I nothing obivous popped out.
Good luck in the contest.
~*Brooke*~
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I really liked that. Despite other peoples belief and things it showed a point of view that not everyone sees.
beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 3, ending: 4, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Well done
I thought you put a lot of thought into this. You added very very very good detail. You took a subject that would be difficult to write about and did very well. Amasing work. I can't wait to read more!
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Cold! A lot of metal. Thoughtful. Sad!
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Loads of detail here. Nice starting, as if she doesn't REALLY want to be in that place.
''Add some carved cedar picture frames with flowers and puppies painted inside.'' to me, that sounds motherly, adding to my point above. Oddly sardonic mindframe.
Oh, I know this comment is much shorter than the others I've done so far for this compitition, except I'm not really sure what to say except that I really liked it =]
Thanks for enterting, good luck =]
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great!!! i cant wait to read the second chapter!
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This was a really good story. Good job, I love the way you describe the way she's feeling and how everything feels for her. I hope you keep going with the story, and thanks for entering my contest.
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I like this story; especially the feelings that you portrayed in it.
I hope you write more lol. ^__^
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This was interesting...I really enjoyed reading it and would be curious to see where it will go ^_^
Good luck in your contests. -
i love the descriptions. i think this was a good begining and that you should continue it. good job and good luck.
♠Punk -
I think you captured the scene well here. I'm interested to see where you take this. It's interesting how the abortion clinic is cold, sterile--considering the type of clinic it is. That makes it quite interesting to read. Keep going....
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