Wide Load Wanda

They call me Wanda on a good day, although I'm usually known as Wide Load Wanda. My real name is Caitlyn, but like that matters! All they need to know is that I’m big and ugly. As soon as they know that, they seem to think they can rename me when ever they want. But I don't mind. I just deny, ignore, and deny some more. If you were so say, "Heyy Wanda, why don't you get mad when they make fun of you?" I'll probably go with a response that sounds kind of like, "Who makes fun of me?" Even thought I know the answer is everyone, and it’s not like I would have to pretend I didn't know why. That’s obvious enough. All they need to know is that I'm big and ugly, which they can see plain as day.

It's not like I have a bad life. No, not at all! I get teased, beaten up, and provoked all day long. I'm not selfish; I know theirs many people with worse lives than mine. Their lives are bad, but mine? Nope. Am I saying my life is good though? Nope. It's alright, I can live with it. I can make it thought the day without any huge problems, and why? Because I just deny, ignore, and deny some more. It doesn't help thought; all they need to know is that I'm big and ugly.

I'm used to it. I live with it. I go to school and get teased day after day. And why? Because I have to go to school and getting teased is the only thing I know. I’ve been teased since about grade... Actually I’ve been teased since before the first grade. I remember that first day when I went to school and said “Hi I’m Caitlyn,” With a big smile on my face. I also remember a girl in my class who turned around to me and said, “Ew your icky!” But that’s okay. It wasn’t the first time I had heard that.

At school I eat lunch day after day. Anything with chocolate was good. Anything that had a lot of chocolate and that I could have a few of. Maybe a few chocolate bars. No matter what happened thought, I would never eat all of them. I would save one or two to trade or give away to the popular kids. Maybe one day one of them will like me. Although in the back of my mind I know it’s never going to happen. But admitting that would make me lose any hope I have about being popular. And why would I want to do that? So I just deny it like usual. Deny that it will never work. I’ll keep spending my parent’s money, and will feel completely responsible if they ever go broke; even if it’s not my fault. But I’ll probably deny that too. I’ll deny anything to feel okay with myself; it’s my attempt to feel pretty, loved… normal.

Then I head home; on the way get beaten to a pulp, day after day. And why? Well, because all they know is that I'm big and ugly. Which must mean I deserve this right? Yes, It must. I'm just Wide Load Wanda; the girl who denies, ignores, and denies some more. Yeah that’s sounds like someone who deserves to get their blood hit out from them. But that’s okay, it’s not like my life is bad. Nope. It’s alright…just alright.