I Am Ready To Go

I have to get up and get ready for school. It’s so pretty today. The sun’s arms peeks just above the trees. The air gives me a warm embrace and a kiss on the cheek. Even the sky is happy today; its eyes are not cloudy and not giving out a single tear. I hate going to school today but I hate staying home just as much.

“Shay, come and fix this baby’s bottle!” my aunt yells.

I hurried through the living room to the kitchen. The baby is about out of milk again. I wonder what she will drink. I gave the bottle to my aunt.

“Bitch! You didn’t warm this bottle long enough.”

As I reached for the bottle my aunt grabs my hand and digs her fingernails into my skin. I almost snapped on her. I restrained myself. I wanted to beat her up just then. I still haven’t learned to act upon my feelings. I still have this scar on my left hand. I warmed the bottle and threw it at her. I just need to get up out of here.

“Wait a minute you bitch!”

She ran up to me and slapped me with both hands.

“I lost my money last night playing cards!”

She started to slap me again but I grabbed her hands and pushed her away. I pushed her so hard, I almost made her fall. The urge to beat came over me. I should’ve fought her, I should’ve killed her, I should’ve grabbed that knife that was laying on the TV and stab her, I should’ve at least cursed her out, but I didn’t. She didn’t try to hit me again either. I guess she knew that if she did she would have had to fight me for real. I was almost sixteen years old and I wasn’t taking it anymore.

I walked off the porch thinking this can’t happen again. She had put her hands on me for the last time. She and my grandfather will not blame everything on me again.

As I was leaving the yard I turned around and took a good look at that house. I knew in my heart that I wasn’t going to stay another night there. My aunt peers out of the door. She didn’t say a word. She just looked at me and went back inside. I can say that I hate her but I didn’t. At this moment, I didn’t hate anyone. I was leaving for good.

Something more powerful came over me. I don’t know what it was. It led me out of the door and gave me the feeling that this was the last time. I don’t have to worry about this anymore. It was peaceful. This feeling was a guide that I choose to follow. Now I believe that it was an angel leading me out of that situation.

I walk to school every morning but not this particular morning. I turned and went over to Toneil’s house. Toneil had moved from next to us about couple of years. To my surprise she was standing on her front porch.

“I am not going back home.” I announced to her. She wasn’t surprised or shocked.

“I don’t blame you. You go to that school and tell them to find you somewhere else to live. Don’t you go back to that house Shay. Tell those people at that school to call the welfare people. Tell them that you are not going back to that house. Don‘t matter what they say don‘t you go back. They will have to put you into foster care. Put those white people in it. The welfare people will believe those white people if they say Pat have been mistreating you.” She says.

“I won’t ever go back there.” I assured her. And I wasn’t going back. I will kill Aunt Pat if I did because she wasn’t laying another hand on me. I turned to head off to school.

“Hey, Shay don’t you leave that school without telling those people that you don’t want to live in that house anymore. I had called the welfare people before but they did nothing.” Toneil screams as I walked down the road.

I found out that several people in Bradley had call Department of Human Services about Aunt Pat abusing me and my brothers but they never did anything about it. Even Aunt Pat’s drug dealer had called DHS on her.

I went straight to the counselor’s office when the last school bell rung.

“Mr. Beard, I don’t want to go back home.” I said to him standing by the counselor’s door. He didn’t ask me why or anything. He just said ok and went into the smaller office and made a phone call. I could overhear him speaking to someone on the other end.

“No, she says is not going home. She says that she doesn’t want to go back there.” He tells the other person on the phone as if that person was dismissing the whole thing. I can tell he was getting a little irritated at whoever it was.

For a moment there I thought that they were going to try to force me back into that house. I wasn’t having it. I will get on the highway and hitchhike to somewhere out of town. I see many truck drivers go through Bradley. I will catch a ride with one of them.

“Goodbye school.” The school was the only thing that I liked about Bradley, especially the library. I love my school.

Mr. Beard came back where I was and told me that someone was going to come to get me.

“Great”

The same old woman and young fat woman that I talked to in the fifth grade about Aunt Pat’s abuse came to the school and picked me up. Same two DHS women had dismissed my pain as nothing a few years ago.

“Come on we are going to get your clothes.” the old winkled one says looking at me as if I had stolen something. The other one just stared at me as if I was pitiful.

We made it to my house. Aunt Pat answered the door.

“We came to pick up her clothes.” the old one said.

“Go get them! I’ll help you pack!” Aunt Pat said angrily. She was very upset to have me come home with the welfare people. While she was behaving like this, she had on my clothes. My pretty pink shirt and shorts barely covered her fat stomach. She didn’t bother to give them back. The two ladies acted as if they were scared

My grandfather didn’t say a word to me as I left not even good-bye. I found out years later my aunt and grandfather had led the boys to believe that I didn’t want to be around them anymore. They had my brothers believing that I didn’t love them. I was being too grown. They should’ve known better.