Ecstasy in Flesh

Sin is the last thing on my mind, but you’ve got me in a vice-

I may not look but still I find when you provoke and then entice.

Warm silk and hot velvet that’s cold enough to give me chills,

I welcome the ice so readily and embrace those steamy thrills.

Wrap me in eternity and demand for time to cease,

We’ll live on in infamy while we die in such release.

You’re ecstasy bound in flesh and the embodiment of addiction,

I’ll breathe you in absolutely and welcome that affliction.

Oh, my guilty pleasure with your grip so tight,

Whose self is mine to treasure though you don’t put up a fight.

Steal away my everything and leave me with only your existence,

I’ll be infinitely content and meet you with no resistance.

I’ll gladly give in to lust without a look before I leap

And to your lips I entrust my being you shall keep.

Author notes

..Meh, I need a better title .. I just kinda liked that line. I just wrote this after Mark convinced me to update.. and.. .erm.. I can't finish a whole chapter.
(he got me rhyming. )

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 14 of 14

  • Asfand
    May 30

    Edit | Reply
    Very powerful stuff here. I love what you did with the whole concept, it's unique and very well-structured.

    I think you should break the lines into two parts, make pauses and try to control your own song and how the reader reads this.

    Nice job!


  • xMorphinex
    October 3, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    i love this. amazing xD


  • Asfand
    June 28, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    wow!! that was soo beautiful!! it really seems powerful and the wording are very well arranged.....................

    i absolutely LOVED the rhyming......it was a superb poem, a whole story in a poem and well...............just awesome!!!!

    nice job!!!

    CRITICISM

    um.......yea....bout the title.....u prolly need anotha one........Ecstacy in - wow.....amazing but whats wiht the flesh..............use something of greater impact like Ecstacy's Essence or well wateva!!! i'm not so gud at giving titles too!!!!

    the sentences are heavy..........there is LOTS being said in one line........and somewhat the words are FORCED at some places.........

    other then that i think u'e done an aboslutely wonderful job!!! this was very nice!!!

    thnx for entering in the contest!!! gud luk!!!

    CHEERS!!!

    . Rewarded 8


  • Phantasmix
    June 26, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I love it. You don't mind if I post this wonderful poem in my compilation book do ya?


  • Platinum Stitches
    June 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    me thinks this should be posted in ap because it seems to be more of a poem/lyrics then a story. but yet.... it has a story like quality, more so if it was expanded.

    I thought you could work a bit on the rhyming because somethings sounded a little forced. Better yet, you could just do freeverse, it gives you more freedom in language and style.

    A very sexy piece. yummy And I like the title, I think it's perfect for this piece.

    . Rewarded 8


  • sly fox
    June 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    umm

    wowie, yes i said wowie. it was an interesting peice of literature. it seamed to me to be a mix between story and poem. i liked it. very wowie.

    . Rewarded 4


  • necronomijon
    June 26, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Very nice- almost like lyrics without music.


  • Blurith
    June 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    hahaha. you got me rhyming too, thats when I really started to write the poem you just commented on. *highfive on our awesomeness*

    As always, your words come alive on the screen and dance in my retinas.

    I loved your poem, especially the end. The only line I didn't like was 'I’ll drink you in absolutely'... not because it isn't a good line, but because like half the stuff I read nowadays seems to have 'drink you in' in it, so it just wasn't as original as the rest of your amazing stuff.

    Great write, and I do like the title. Keep it!

    . Rewarded 8


    • CaptStarr of Tardis
      June 26, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Yeah honestly that line was the one that stuck like peanut buttered toast to the underside of a table.. other ..more clever.. words just did not go well into play there due to the possiblity that they could be ahem.. misconstrued into a more literal meaning than I would prefer.


      • Blurith
        June 26, 2007
        Edit | Reply
        lol, as always, you have a hilarious way with words.

        I can understand how other words wouldn't work well there, I was just making a general rant. No way you could know that I came across that one particular phrase so many times recently


        • CaptStarr of Tardis
          June 26, 2007
          Edit | Reply
          Regardess.. I fixed it by filling in a word that didn't translate into a literal sex referance. Yay!


  • Fat Tony
    June 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Thet sound like lyrics Ann! I really like this piece
    Marshall


    • CaptStarr of Tardis
      June 26, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      I was.. sorta going for lyrics I think... ^_^'
      Glad you liked..
      My sleep deprived ramblings are usually superfulous and full of nonsense, not to mention generally lacking in the whole 'point' department,..

1 - 14 of 14