I do not care if you do not love me; I will watch you live, I will watch you die and I will lay with you until the end of time.
Author notes
The one sentence rule was QUITE hard but I believe I managed it well. I think it may be a run on sentence though. Two ands are allowed right? >_<
A contest entry
- Nano Stories by Embitter.
175 points, ended July 2, 2007, 30 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
One sentence o__O What do you think?
Comments
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As the person below me said, very dark (much like the backround, lol). Sounds like something an obsessed stalker would say.
Two 'ands' are usually not allowed except for specific reasons, as in: to add effect. Your sentence borders on this rule.
It may sound better to write as this:
"I will watch you live, I will watch you die, and I will lay with you until the end of time."
Or, possibly, just add a comma after the ands. That may give it a cool effect.
I did really like this, and I can't see why it didn't place. Very good job, I thought.
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Very dark yet romantic. I love it.
x.lIZ.x -
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Thank you ^_^
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Wow, I am hopeless at one sentence stories! you seem to be a pro! Very uh...emotion-y??(i know that's not a word, but I think it describes this well)
Luv, IMqueen
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Very prose-y.. dramatic and loaded... it conveyed a lot of emotion... really good work. Full of an almost obsessive love.
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Thank you very much ^_^
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Pretty good, Siby. Better then me.
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Nooooooo don't saaaaaay that Osa-neechan! >_<
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I've said it once, I'll say it again,' My writes are'nt worth the readers'.
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Then why do so many read it then comment then LIKE it?
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Tryin to be nice.
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Tch. Talk about low self esteem --#
I'm serious I really like your fan fictions (because I don't remember reading a story with non-naruto characters and I believe there was Galerians too?) and I'm pretty sure that there are people that DO like them as well. Seriously, your writing pieces are not bad at all. -
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I've made alot of stories. And some are pretty good. But anything, I come up with on my own. Doesnt work.
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'Doesn't work' as in...?
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Plot faults, Bad endings, rushed beginings, the list goes on.
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Everyone does that.
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No one I know on here. All my friends are alot more skilled in the art of writing, then I'll ever be.
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That's not true! Everyone has a different writing style on SW! And anyway, would you have joined SW if you hadn't thought that you had potential?
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Either way, you have more ambition to atleast revise your work.
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Well, why don't you revise your work?
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I guess Im jsut that Lazy.
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Cause your not always on at the same time as me. And after a period of time, I foreget things.
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So just message me whenever you need anything and I'll get to it when I'm online. Then I'll message it back to you and you can do what you want with it.
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Bad habit.
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Well, if you'd like, I could revise it for you?
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Well at the time, things were more mutual, for me when it comes to writing. And writing style is'nt what I have an issue with. It's what meets my standards. Aya, Artemi, Madeline, you, and alot of other people, know what your doing right off the bat. And make really good writes.
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Actually, when I write I've got no clue where I'm going. It takes me quite the long time to edit and revise and...that's how it turns out like that.
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