The eyes were what got her the most. They looked almost liquid; dark droplets of black ink hardened into the frozen dearth of sight. Their surface was reflective, and Julianna could see the far side of the antique store reflected in them.
But something was missing. Julianna stared harder into the polished surface and she realized what it was. The rest of the antique shop was perfectly clear, but her own reflection was missing. She couldn't see her face reflected back at all. It was like the eyes had sucked it in.
Julianna backed away from the teddy bear and looked around. The owner of the antique shop was missing again. He was probably out in the back, stuffing his mouth with chew and spitting brown, glutinous circles of tobacco juice onto the pavement. She knew this because she'd seen him do it before, the last time she'd visited the antique shop. When he'd smiled at her when she'd entered the store, she'd seen that his teeth had been stained into a feces-colored brown.
In all honesty, given the choice between talking to the owner and examining the teddy bear, Julianna chose the latter. True, the bear's eyes kinda creeped her out a little, but at least it didn't smell like spit and nicotine.
Julianna edged closer to the bear, moving so that she could look at it from the side. Some oft-ignored, instinctual part of her didn't want to let the bear see her again. Feeling a bit foolish, she realized that she didn't want to get trapped in its eyes.
From the side, she reached down and lifted one of the bear's arms. The pads of its paw were sewn in with a different type of fabric. She rubbed one of them gently with her thumb. It felt like leather and it was strangely warm, warmer than the stifling air of the store.
The smooth feel of the paw felt soft and welcoming under her fingers, but when her hand brushed the teddy bear's fur, she automatically emitted a small sound of surprise from the back of her throat.
The teddy bear's fur was _rough_. Almost every stuffed, store-bought animal Julianna had ever had was designed to feel soft and comforting, with a silken pelt or a fuzzy mane made to be hugged by children. Even the claw machine animals, each cheaply manufactured overseas for about a nickel apiece, didn't feel like this.
Very cautiously, Julianna rubbed her hand up the teddy bear's arm. The fur was so rough that it was almost unpleasant, like when she hadn't shaved her legs in a week and rubbing against them felt akin to cuddling sandpaper. This bear hadn't been designed with children in mind. This much was obvious.
Julianna stepped back again and stared at it thoughtfully. The teddy bear gave her the creeps, it was true, but there was something about it that intrigued her, disturbing eyes and all.
Making a quick decision, she reached over and picked up the bear. Immediately, she almost dropped it again. The damn thing weighed a _ton_! It wasn't even that big of a stuffed animal, only about the size of an underfed toddler, but it had to weigh about fifty pounds.
"Damn," Julianna muttered and adjusted her grip, holding the teddy bear to her shoulder like a woman would carry a baby. She strode over to the counter and dinged the bell, hoping that it would summon the antique dealer back inside, but nothing happened. Impatient, she rang the bell again.
The bear was getting heavy. And it had a strange smell. Not unpleasant, necessarily, but noticeable, like the odor of a forgotten basement room, kept sealed most of the year. Yes, Julianna thought, that was it exactly. The bear smelled of forgotten things, and of must and damp and iron.
"Time to go," something whispered and Julianna reflexively turned her head to see where the sound had come from.
The bear was looking at her. It had turned its head and it was looking at her, black droplet eyes taking in everything and swallowing her startled reflection into darkness.
Julianna screamed and tried to drop the teddy bear, but her arms were frozen. They wouldn't obey her and she stood helplessly, motionless, as the stuffed animal rendered her immobile with a gaze.
Her heart thumped loudly, desperately from inside her chest. Ignoring it, Julianna closed her eyes and concentrated.
'Okay, Julianna, just move your arm,' she thought, 'just a few inches. Drop the bear. Drop it and this will all stop.' Julianna wasn't sure how she knew this, but in her heart she believed it was true. The bear only had power over her while she was holding it. All she had to do was let the damn thing fall.
From inside her head, she _screamed_ at her arms to obey her, to move a fucking inch. Nothing happened. She was frozen.
"This isn't happening, this isn't happening, this isn't happening," she whispered over and over again. She felt a brief movement on her shoulder and then gasped, a frightened and high-pitched inhalation of air.
The bear was touching her neck. It had its paw, its too-warm and leathery paw, resting on the side of her neck. She hoped and prayed it was her imagination, but she could have sworn that she felt the tiniest brush of a retracted claw as it stoked its pad against her skin, up and down, like it was trying to comfort her.
"Just go," the teddy bear whispered. "Take me with you and go." Its voice resembled the sound of dried, dead leaves, like someone with throat cancer trying to choke out a dying request.
"Go where?" Julianna asked. Her heart was pounding too fast and it was getting hard to breathe. She kept taking quick gasps of air. Her head felt light and dizzy. She was hyperventilating. She knew it.
"To your home," said the teddy bear. It raised its rough arm a bit higher and touched her cheek, causing Julianna to shudder, but she still couldn't force her arms to let the bear go.
"I..." Julianna started, but the bear interrupted her.
"Leave. Now." It was an order.
Julianna felt her legs move against her will, walking in long strides towards the door. She tried to force the back of her feet into the thick carpeting on the floor, but she couldn't stop herself. It was like a dream, like every nightmare she'd ever had.
Unbidden, a panicked sob escaped her lips and she sucked in air, faster and faster, as the world spun in front of her.
Right before she passed out onto the floor, she felt the paw stroke her cheek again, brushing away a single, wayward tear.
"Don't worry," whispered the bear as darkness flowed in front of her eyes and she lost consciousness. "I love you."
Author notes
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Oh my god. I....I just don't know. I started out writing about a teddy bear and it just...got...weirder. And weirder. And weirder.
And now I'm totally creeped out. By my own story. ...Which is actually kinda pathetic, but it's TRUE!
Um. Yeah. Please tell me what you think. Any and all constructive criticism you could give me would be awesome, because I'm still tweeking this story around.
A contest entry
- Come On, Aren't You Curious? by Hales13.
338 points, ended July 6, 2007, 17 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Can you? Can you really? by Sensual Sapphire.
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Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Yay! My first contest! by Hug.Trees.
101 points, ended September 18, 2007, 18 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - SCAREY ME, if you can. :) by Jennywinnie.
550 points, ended October 13, 2007, 11 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Cute and Fuzzy Bunnies.... of Horror by Mallig.
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• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Did this creep you out at all? Any helpful criticism?
Comments
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The descriptions here are wonderful, and that is certainly a scary teddy bear. The exchange where the bear is inside her mind and stroking her cheek... the retracted claw... yikes! An excellent read, thanks for entering!
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I really liked the beginning, and the creativity here. I might suggest that you switch the order in your beginning just a bit. I would discuss the fact that the antique shop owner is gone first and then she discovers the evil teddy bear, that way you don't have to stop the tension build up to explain that no one's there. The just a suggestion though.
Very good imagery at: "with a silken pet; or a fuzzy mane made to be hugged..." and "so rough...like when she hadn't shaved her legs." I completely got a visual here, very creepy!
Again great use of the sense of smell, it really brought it to life: "The bear smelled of forgotten things, and of must and damp and iron."
Oh wow! This was good! I love the ending, very creepy! Good luck in my contest! -
Nice beginning
but it leaves one dangling. A couple of notes. 'surfaces are reflective' instead of 'surface was reflective'.
'feces-coloured brown' doesn't quite work. Just 'brown' or 'crap colored' would work better.beginning: 5, language: 3, plot: 4, ending: 1, dialog: 4, characters: 4.
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Ahh
Gawd, now I'm scared of bears! haha.
Good job, thanks for entering!!
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While reading this piece
I thought of Needful Things by Stephen King. Specifically Mr. Gaunt from Needful Things. Mr. Gaunt held all your dreams and all your nightmares. I'm going to let my daughter read this one she's as morbid as a 12 year old can get. Have you considered adding more to this? It can stand on it's own but it would be lovely to see more of it.Thank you for entering -
Wow. You're right this was a creepy story. I really want to know what happens next. Does anything happen? I really would love it if you continued. I find it a little strange with how it scared the girl but still loved her at the same time.
The descriptions in this were also very good and I could almost see the shop and the bear.
Good job and please continue writing as you truly have a gift! -
i like your stor
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mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
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Yes
Well, it was very mind boggling- i cannot tell yet if the bear is desperate for a home or wants to hurt Julianna. it's very suspenseful, and VERY good!
beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 4.
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Wow
This was really good and very gripping I could not stop reading. You know Stephen King even scares himself with the things he does.
I did notice one place that needs a minor fix, " Its voice resembled the sound dried, dead leaves, like someone with throat cancer trying to choke out a dying request." You should add a word in here some where, something like this, " It's voice resembled the sound (of) dried, dead leaves, like someone with throat cancer trying to choke out a dying request." just a suggestion.
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Hey, thanks for pointing that out! I totally missed that part when editing it. And thanks for the review! :-)
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this is great you should write more! It freaks me out but then again i read this story in a dark living room on a borrowed lab top with a tiny tigger laying next to me just staring blankly up at me. Wow innocent and creepy dosn't that work well. very good imagery
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wow, Incredably descriptive, I can't say I 'll ever look at my old teddy bears without thinking of this again though, but that means you've made a lasting impression!
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Awsome!
I could soooo imagine this happening! You should add more to this! I love it!
Sierra -
Wow!
I know exactly what you mean by saying that you just started writing and it got weirder and weirder. Don't you just love it when a story just takes over and drags you along like that? Kinda like the teddy bear itself, it suddenly seems to have a will of it's own and you are helpless to do anything but go along!
Great story, very creepy! I loved it!
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I love it!
Totally unique and surprising! A creepy teddy bear! So much better than those ghost stories about porcelin dolls. This gets two thumbs up! Especially the "I love you" from the bear. Very intriguing. =3 -
oh that's really good, i love the creepy horror feeling i get from it it really... i dunno... fits.. and the background made teh sence of horror even worse. like something so innocent can scare you.... good job and good luck!!
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Heh. Didn't you get the idea for Teddy Scare Bear like 5 years ago? Well, it's still awesome. And you're still one hell of a creepy horror writer, getting creepier by the minute.
Ooh, the reflection-sucking eyes, rough fur, and heaviness really make this bear nightmare-worthy. I demand more story!
A few nitpicky things:
- "just go" and "just let me go" sound too similar, when different characters are saying them
- I understand impulse buying, but why the hell would she buy something that creeped her out like that?
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hee
Wow, it's like you don't know me at all.
"but why the hell would she buy something that creeped her out like that?"
Dude! Creepy disturbing stuff is awesome! I love things that scare the hell outta me!
Remember that story I told you like 20394802384023894 years ago? How I was playing around with my calculator in my 9th grade math class, and I ended up with this insanely long number? And part of that number was '1479.' The moment I saw that, I was like, 'Dude! This is such a creepy number!' ...It was a really weird reaction, I'll totally admit, and I have no idea why I thought it, but it reminded me of swamps and bogs and murky waters hiding snakes and leeches.
So, of course, for my first-ever email address I totally made it Delirium1479.
The moral of this very very long reply? Creepy things are awesome! And it's best to collect creepy things, purchase them, take them home, because then they can creep you out even MORE! It's fun! :-D -
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Yeah, after OVER TEN FREAKING YEARS, I barely know you. Heh. I DO understand the love of disturbing things. I can see why you and I would buy a freaky teddy bear. Hell, I named the creepy single boot under my stairs "Tim," and Tim is the main reason Rose won't set foot in the basement. There will be a story based on that eventually. Muhahahahaaa. You should come meet Tim sometime. You'd love him. I bet there's crack shoved deep inside his toe, or a very large spider or something. One of these days I'll put on a thick pair of gloves and find out.
Ah, 1479. I remember it very well. It's still a very significant number for me, but I won't go into that.
Anyway, I was only wondering why a NORMAL person would buy the bear. I know WE would, but we're not exactly normal members of society.
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wow... ummm.. i def don't think i'm going to be able to look at a teddy bear the sam way again... don't get me wrong, very good story, and the description was fantastic, but the tale kinda reminded me of something from that old TV show are you afraid of the dark. i loved it! thanks for your entry, good luck!!
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