The wet tarmac slapped underfoot and broken flip-flops dangled carelessly from fingertips. The sun wasn’t shining, the rain slashed into car windscreens but the girl in the green shorts kept on walking, walking to nowhere. Just to feel the ground under her feet, to hear the th-wack thwack th-wack of heal toe heal toe. It reminded her she was still alive.
She passed the "house of Weddings" their dreses standing like a herd of ghostly brides at the alter. Old men in raincoats and women in their 70 pence plastic hair bonnets hurried past sending disapproving glances her way. She just smiled and laughed as a little boy stopped, replied to his stares with a wink. She headed straight through the centre of a deep puddle – which possibly, she considered, should be classified as a small pond, a miniature lake.
All around her the grimy buildings stood; the drab council houses, the boarded up shops, that old ‘Indian’ with the smashed window still proudly serving.
Acrid stench hung deep in the corners of the station bridge, at the top she stopped and observed the huddle of passengers shuffling into the carriage. She watched the train as it disappeared down the track, as she continued walking by, gaze fixed on the broken glass, faded Pepsi cans and old Wotsit packets that littered the line.
Author notes
The location is the entire town I hope thats ok it was the only way I could work it so that she was walking around.
A contest entry
- 3 Part Contest - click and see! :D by EmeraldDreams.
100 points, ended July 5, 2007, 9 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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that was very good writing. i liked that you added a lot of description because they made the story much more advanced than some people's writing and enjoyable. one thing that i didn't understand is what that was all about. she was just walking in the town and smiling and enjoying her life, which is all well and good, but i didn't catch much of a plot to the story- other than she liked to walk and wink at small boys. but good writing an yway.
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You have given a wonderful and vivid description of the town. I could picture it easily thanks to all the little details you gave.
The character herself is somewhat of an enigma! With her flip flops and shorts in the rain, I am left wanting to know more about her, so the second part of thi story will be something I shall look forward to reading!
Great piece!
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I love this Really descriptive and I want to know what will happen next! Good luck in the contest x
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What a wonderfully descriptive piece- if I shut my eyes, I can "see" the place you described perfectly.
Which would usually be a bad thing, as it's such a dismal place, but in your hands... well done, and good luck!beginning: 3, language: 5, plot: 3, ending: 3, dialog: 3, characters: 3.
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