HARRIET1
I couldn’t have been more than seven or eight years old when I first laid eyes on Harriet. She, however, never quite saw me. Instantly, and forever more, she established the criteria for what it took to set The Heart Throb in motion. One might have termed it crush at first sight. But although the crush was not unique to me, (there were others) from what I can recall of my fever case, a few degrees of heat lingered for a mere fifty years. Or to keep the metaphor consistent, this “crush” left traces in my system of several reverberating aftershocks over time.2
The neatly clad and astonishing little redhead graced our fourth grade classroom long enough to chronically distract me from more serious pursuits, like schoolwork. Assembling in the schoolyard, lining up, entering class, sitting down, reciting or performing in any way became little more than exercises in watching for Harriet, standing tall before her, trying to catch her attention, seeking out her approval. None of it seemed to work and too many days were spent gawking at her and freezing, motionless, into a disembodied heartbeat each time she talked, gestured or entered a room. I can still see her blue eyes.3
It was on a late spring day, deceptively like summer and tantalizingly so, that I was moved to action. Joyce Roth was one of the higher intellects in our class, though not on the Harriet heart throb level, and one of Harriet’s better friends. Moreover she was amicable, understanding and approachable. So I approached Joyce. Did she think Harriet liked me? Would she find out? The day was torn by my impatience and laced with anticipation. Periodically I scanned Joyce’s aisle for a sign, sought encouragement at recess, passed reminder notes when possible. But Joyce was responsible and not likely to forget to inquire on my behalf. She was to meet me after school at three o’ clock, at the school’s south exit on West 173rd street.4
The day was still beautiful and the weather warm but I was warmer and did not share in the day’s tranquility. In fact what little remained of that afternoon was to become an indelible pain and disappointment. There was Joyce, waiting. My heart leapt. I approached her.5
“Does Harriet like me?”6
“No. Harriet says she doesn’t like you.”7
“Why?” I asked, clinging to some hope for specious reasons that I might use to cushion my decimation.8
“She says your ears stick out.”9
Devastated beyond ruin and somewhat numbed by this new revelation, I hurried home to investigate the matter further. Dashing upstairs I took a position before my mother’s full length mirror. Standing close to it I scrutinized my ears, staring at them and examining the distance at which they stood out from my head. They seemed alright and not particularly alien, although the longer I contemplated the protrusions the stranger they became. It was at that point my mother came into the room.10
“What are you doing, dear?” she asked.11
“Do my ears stick out?” I moaned, anxious now for this final pronouncement, one that would hopefully mollify and rightfully spurn the derision I had suffered. A mother’s inviolable truth. 12
“Well,” she said, “just a little, dear.” Alas, she was too truthful.13
So the remainder of fourth grade passed as I shrunk from Harriet and could only stare longingly, but from safe distances, at her, hoping with the coming and going of the summer months that I might grow taller and stronger and that my ears might somehow retreat closer to the sides of my head.14
It was a little more than a year later I awoke one Sunday morning with the brilliant idea of dressing and sneaking out of our apartment at the outrageously early hour, for me, of nine o’clock. I dressed carefully in what I thought were my most dashing clothes. The jersey was a tight one, showing off what semblance of a build I had; my trousers were creased; my jacket was Air Force Bomber style with manly shoulders. My mission was to traverse J.Hood Wright Park on 176th street and Pinehurst Avenue to emerge on Fort Washington Avenue at 173rd street, just a few short blocks from where Harriet and her family lived. 15
I made my way briskly up to Pinehurst Avenue from Cabrini Boulevard and over to the park entrance ramp at 176th street. There I paused, as my heart beat strongly in anticipation, as I bravely surveyed the park beyond. Hannibal before the Alps. The great Sunday morning adventure lay ahead. I was ready. 16
With the somewhat soothing consolation of “what could happen?” I forged ahead, traversing the park. What were the chances, I speculated, of my catching a glimpse of her? What were the chances of her being up at this hour? Of her going out? Of her seeing me? What were the chances of her noticing me…if she was up, if she did go out, if she did see me? Despite all odds, I pressed on, slicing through doubt and fear, marshalling hope, mobilizing energies, mustering determination, cutting through the early morning freshness and chill as I half hoped I somehow would miss her altogether. 17
Emerging, somewhat more slowly and cautiously than I had entering the park, I looked about as if all of Fort Washington Avenue had been alerted to my arrival. I felt as though I were something of an intruder in the neighborhood. It was really a bit distant from my own. Yes, I attended school here, but not as a resident with a support group of friends and neighbors. Essentially I was a foreigner. Hands in jacket pocket I whistled my way toward Harriet’s apartment building at 250 Fort Washington Avenue. Even the number of her address was tinged with romance, excitement, adventure and danger. I waited.18
And I waited. At first I waited from across the street. Then, as the morning wore on, from in front of the building, before the short flight of steps. At one point, I can remember going up and inside the lobby. Perhaps that might draw her out. It did not. Others came and went. People looked at the young boy and may have wondered what the stranger was doing. For whom he waited. Each outward thrust of the heavy wrought iron and glass lobby door gave a start, blowing a little hope my way from the darkish lobby, ushering forth the chance, the possibility of the morning’s adventure bearing some fruit. I waited the morning away until I got cold and tired. She never came down. 19
Shortly following the start of what then was known as Junior High School, Harriet moved away, somewhere in or near an area called Forest Hills. I spent the next five years or so not thinking of her. 20
Somewhere ankle deep into my sophomore year in college, while leafing through an old address book on a particularly desperate date-deprived Saturday evening, I found her name. I cannot imagine how I came to procure her Forest Hills telephone number, but there it was. I studied it. I contemplated it. I dismissed it. I allowed it to challenge me. I let it simmer. 21
I suppose I was feeling lots better about myself during these college days than I had during my younger days at P.S. 173. After all, I was president of my sophomore class now, Grand Regent of my fraternity, I had succeeded in achieving a surprisingly good first year index, I had enjoyed a role, although a minor one, in a campus theater production, and, or so I thought, my ears didn’t stick out…as much anyway. Not noticeably. So I called her number. And my voice had deepened. After several rings Harriet answered the phone. I still recognized her voice. It had a kind of clipped sneer to it. 22
“Hi,” I began cleverly. “You may not remember me. Gary…from your fourth, fifth and sixth grade class in P.S. 173?”23
“I’m afraid not,” she said. There was no hesitation, no doubt in her voice. Same clipped, sneer.24
“I lived in Joanie Miller’s building on Cabrini Boulevard? I was Joyce Roth’s friend.” Joan Miller was a good friend of hers. She sometimes visited Joanie. I had lived for those rare afternoons.25
“Look, it’s been a long time, and I really don’t remember you at all.”26
Well, it really hadn’t been that long a time and those were very formative years for all of us. I thought we had been kind of an item; at least so far as classmates’ teasing and rumors counted. I couldn’t believe her not remembering at all.27
“And Evelyn Strawlberg? Don’t you remember the time someone stole your blouse at Evelyn Strawlberg’s house at that little costume party and you had to leave in a borrowed pea coat?”28
“I’m sorry,” she clipped out, “I don’t remember any of this. And I really don’t have time to talk. I’m going out.”29
“You once said my ears stuck out.”30
And she hung up. 31
It took me awhile to forget that conversation and awhile to regain some of the old sophomore confidence. I did not, however, risk another phone call to Harriet.32
Some years passed and I found myself broadcasting on a 50,000 watt radio station in Boston, Massachusetts. I was performing an afternoon program, spinning records and telling little stories. One of these vignettes was about Harriet. It may have been the Joyce Roth debacle or the try at getting a dinner date disaster. I always ended my programs with the humble phrase: “I await your phone calls in the outer lobby.” No sooner had I uttered this phrase and signed off, I was informed that I indeed had a call…in the outer lobby.33
The call was from a guy I didn’t know. Nor did the guy know me. But he had been listening to the show as he was driving across Massachusetts into Boston. He had heard the Harriet anecdote and said he almost drove off the road. It seems his brother, he told me, was engaged to Harriet but he, the caller, had been infatuated with her. “Who wasn’t?” he said. “And,” he confided, “I knew exactly what you meant when you described her. What a bitch!”34
When I left Boston for New York, I was in my thirties and found myself running into people I had known years ago. They were mostly school chums from Washington Heights, some High School of Music and Art people and even college pals. It was not unusual since everybody, at one time or another seems to gravitate to New York City. But, as I told an old friend of mine: “Funny. I never ran into Harriet.”35
When I nostalgically confessed this, my friend counseled “You can’t go home again!” and advised me to hope I never see Harriet because I would be sure to be deeply disappointed. “Better,” he said, “to remember her as she was. That little redheaded beauty with the sharp blue eyes. By now,” he added sagely, “she is probably fat, old and dumpy. You had best stay with your fantasies.”36
More and more of my time was taken with freelance narration work, which afforded me some freedom and took me far and wide during the course of a week. At one point I contracted for a series of jobs in Douglaston, Queens. It was a bit of a trek, but I always harbored the thought of possibly running into Harriet, serendipitously, against the odds, despite my friend’s admonition.37
Then, one day, it happened. I was taken completely by surprise. Ascending a long flight of stairs at New York’s Penn Station, tired and on my way home from an arduous day in Douglaston, I noticed a comely redhead some several steps ahead of me. She was dressed in a neat topper just short enough to sport a shapely pair of legs. She was one of the few women in heels, a conservative pair of black pumps, and walked with a confident, unhurried pace. It couldn’t be, I thought, but the closer I drew to her the more this vision seemed to fit my expectations of what Harriet might look like now. She appeared, from the back, to be about the same age and height, as far as my recollections went. My scheme was to cunningly dash ahead and check her from the front. Surely, however, the entire effort rested on a wishful thought that I was mistaken. 38
Only a few smoothly executed steps taken two and three at a time and I had arrived well in front of the woman. Artfully I turned about and saw her face. It was her! But she didn’t appear as my friend had predicted. She wasn’t old, or fat or unrecognizably smothered by the years. She was lovely, radiant and she sparkled, beyond expectations. Predictions were wrong. And now, in point of actual fact, it had happened. The law of averages had worked out. There she was, walking toward me.39
Feigning surprise with just the right measure of confusion, and hoping to dazzle her with my flawless memory for faces and names I said:40
“Harriet? Harriet Sinje?”41
She smiled a kind, soft and very sweet smile. Encouraging my advance she said, “Thank you.” But then she added, “I wish I looked like Harriet.”42
My dismay must have been apparent. She continued, “A lot of people mistake me for Harriet, but I’m not her.”43
“You look exactly like her,” I said, shock and incredulity still on my sleeve. “I went to public school with her.” 44
“She’s changed since then,” said the redhead. “She’s become a lot more beautiful. People stop me all the time and take me for her, but I only wish I looked like her.”45
We chatted a bit about where Harriet lived now, far out on Long Island. That she was married. Her extraordinary looks. I thanked the woman. She walked off. 46
I never saw Harriet after that and I had not been to Douglaston for more than twenty years. Not that I was planning on it, but I did wonder, if I ever ventured out Queens way, what the odds would be of bumping into the real Harriet after so many years. After all, I had run into just about everyone else. More or less, mostly more I suppose, it may indeed have been statistically about time perhaps for just one sighting. Of course my friend had advised against it. But he was wrong. And don’t they say something about hope springing eternal? I hoped, on the one hand, that my luck would hold and I would never run into Harriet again. On the other hand, I thought, maybe one of these days…who knows? What would be the chances? The odds?47
Author notes
This is a short story about one man's dream...; it tells of the connections between disappointment, destruction and defeat...and hope. Always, hope!
Embraceable You...Gershwin
Quote #6...Gary Alexander...Option IV (for Platinum Stitches!)
Oh, yes...I AM...a male!
Option 1 -Whatever it is at first sight...it is SOMETHING!
Option 5 - Agree!
For Pon-Zi...Option #1 (What else?)
Pic #10...for OLINDA's "Prompts!" (By Jove...it could be her!)
A contest entry
- The Heart Of Writing: Broaden Your Horizons: Challange Two by Tiger-Lily.
350 points, ended May 31, 13 entries
Honorable winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Uber Loveliness! =O =O by Aaez.
400 points, ended July 9, 21 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - falling through sheets of glass stars. by Platinum Stitches.
800 points, ended August 27, 12 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Romance...and hopelessly cute love stories XD by Blackwings.
450 points, ended August 11, 17 entries
Honorable winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - love,love,love,love,love,love,love.... by littleladymadi.
300 points, ended August 20, 18 entries
Honorable winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Lover Betrayed by Quixotic.
170 points, ended August 29, 18 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - La La Love :)! by Cheerful-Panda.
585 points, ended September 2, 13 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Make me believe in love by quicksilver moon.
300 points, ended September 11, 16 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - ~~Long Distance Relationships~~ by kitty ROSE.
100 points, ended September 30, 8 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - School's Here! by Taylor Renee.
100 points, ended October 3, 18 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Heartache Anyone? by XxAFSRockerxxKarixx.
380 points, ended October 8, 20 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Exceptional Stories To Be Published - 2 by Andy Stephenson.
350 points, ended October 21, 19 entries
Honorable winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - He doesn't get the girl by ZiggyGirl.
175 points, ended November 5, 25 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - prompts by Olinda.
260 points, ended November 30, 3 entries
• next story in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest - Romance With A Horrifying Twist! by BlueWave.
700 points, ended November 22, 13 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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okay
In all honesty, you lost me in the first paragraph, Sorry, but i did warn you that if you didnt have me in the first paragraph I was out of here, thanks for entering though -
Okay, now I have enough. LOL
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Amazing!
Such a well-written story with great fluidity and description. I pitied the main character Gary, there was so much optimism inside him, thinking he would someday reunite with Harriet, his childhood crush. An innocent obsession.
That torch he carried for her, it never dimmed. Maybe he was a little unrealisitic, but that happens when someone feels a strong love for a person. It saddened me that things didn't go the way he'd hoped.
Although, this isn't quite the submission I was looking for...I'm glad you entered and I think you might have a great chance at winning.=)
(I would give you 3 applauses but I'm broke.) -
thats really really really good!!!
amazing!!!
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This is a really wonderful story. I could imagine everything, but I didn't feel overwhelmed by detail. The characters, the setting, everything was so excellently planned out. I see you have several trophies. Very good. I understand why. Thank you for entering my contest.
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This was sweet. Harriet sounds like a typical redhead. I loved your descrpitions and the way you transitioned your style through the years. Beautifully written and very innocent.
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Wow this defently was worth reading! What a bitch ole' harriet is though! Sadly enough people are like that even when they're young!
I think we can all relate in some ways to this story as well; I for one had the major hots for a guy in high school for YEARS- but he didnt even know I existed!
I love the way you've added in the descriptions of the places he talks about as well, alot the time when people write in first person they only describe feelings and places are often forgotten!
Great story, Love it!
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Hi
This story is being considered for inclusion in a Storywrite anthology we hope to publish. If you would like this story to be considered, please apply to this group:
http://storywrite.com/group/info/Storywrite%20Anthology%20Volume%20One?stay=1
Andy
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I think Gary definately qualifies for obliviously creepy guy. It was good. The characters were vivid and they complemented the plot and little events perfectly. You do a nice job with flow and imagery. I couldn't find any mistakes that I could remember. Good job.
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Just yesterday I read an article on a feminist website (I'm a guy, don't ask me how or why I was on a feminist website) and the article was about guys who follow women around because they love that woman. Essentially, it claimed that the type of men you had in your story are stalkers (though at his initial age Gary might be more of a creeper.) I must admit, I felt like I fell in love with a woman once. Admittedly, I was obbsesed with her. When I found out she didn't like me though, I accepted it. Sure, I also still had intense feelings for her and it felt like my heart was shredded, but I got over it. Gary never seems to get over this girl though. When I read the line, 'What a bitch,' I had already known that. Why is it that Gary doesn't? (Rhetorical question, don't answer it)
All in all, it was a good story that kept the readers attention really well. It also was perfect for the option you chose. Nice work
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Ok, I know its mean but....that picture scares me! I mean, when I first saw it, it freaked me out! *shiver* But anywhoo....I really enjoyed reading this, it was a great story, and quite interesting. I noticed some things were a little mixed up, but come on, who doesn't mess something up?!
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Good Story, Gary!
p18 but as a resident (without) a support
I gather that this story is based on actual experience.
I had a crush on a girl named Candy in grade school. I never spoke to her, but I learned where she lived. One day I followed her when she was in the car with her father and sister. I guess right that they were going to a park where he played golf for a while. I was on my bicycle. I road around them, but I still didn't have the nerve to talk with her. He was transferred to San Antonio, Texas and I never saw her again. I would often ride my bike past her house hoping to see her. Needless to say, your story brought her to mind.
Thanks for this view into your 'crush' and the trip down memory lane for me.
Thanks also for entering Exceptional Stories To Be Published - 2.
Andy
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I see all the trophies you have won for this, and they are more than well deserved! The characters stand excellently. I enjoyed this story very much. It was delightful all the way through with just a little whimsical touch. Imagine a 50-year long unrequited love. And I thought 5 years was bad. It's a lovely story and I'm glad I got to read it.
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As I read this, I thought "been there, done that". Sadly, however, The girl of my youthful drerams was encountered in a psychiatric hospital when I was nursing there, and she died soon after, not, I hasten to add as a result of my nursing, but because of the amount of heroin and other nasties she had poisoned herself with; I like your version better!
. Rewarded 6
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i love this story i just hate harriet. its like she never even tried to be nice. and the little boy seems so sweetly desperate its sad.
. Rewarded 4
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I will admit I was sort of hesitant on reading this. I thought this was well captured in character details. I truly enjoyed it.
. Rewarded 4
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I thought this was simply amazing. It captures every emotion that could possibly come along with love. Going out into public hoping that you might get to see them, but at the same time hoping that you won't for some reason or another. Talk about the story of my life. Very, very good.
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hey
i really like this
this was amazing i enjoyed it alot
the detail and the descriptiveness
was amazing (i think i jsut made that word up)
well i really like the way it was wrote too
keep it up
cant wait to read more
. Rewarded 4
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That was really something! From the first line on, it pulled me in, as if i I could see Harriet in the flesh, everything from her sneer to her hair. The description was beautifully done, and the message of hope in the end was very inspiring. Although I can't say Harriet is a girl I would be friends with myself, it seems like you captured her character perfectly; the tale of her reappearances over the years flowed flawlessly. Excellent job!
. Rewarded 8
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Wow. That's all I can say. Wowawowawow.
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i will say i read it.
only because the beggining pulled me in so damn deep.
i said no more than 1500 words... so i'm afraid i can't let you win.
but let e tell you that was an amazing story.
thanks for entering my contest.
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The story flowed well. I loved the descriptions and the long wait for Harriet. It seemed so realistic too. Poor guy for having ears that stuck out. Now that one was funny . Thanks for entering this story.
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Iloved the description in this story, as well as mood in the atmosphere. I loved the vocabulary, for some words I didn't even know, nor understand. *laughs*
I loved it! I wish you luck -
Aww poor Gary!
I really love the little kid aspect that made me smile.
I really wish he had seen Harriet again.
I love your descriptions of everything I pictured the story in my head perfectly.
Thanks for a good read, and good luck in my contest !
Miranda
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A PERFECT GLIMPSE!
The way you show how Gary perceives and remembers Harriet throughout the years is very well done! In a sense his childhood vision of Harriet became like dangling a carrot on a stick before a donkey to make him walk and I mean this in a good sense. It's like the proverbial "one who got away" that continues to goad you on.
Thank you for a good read.
Anaya Roma
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Fascinating and very well written story. It immediately hooks the reader's attention and successfully maintains it throughout. Excellent and credible characterization makes this literally come alive. It seems to have been a pretty successful piece for you and I hope it continues to work its magic.Great write, thanks for sharing, I did enjoy this.
. Rewarded 6
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A fascinating story.
Very fascinating story composed in fine prose.
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I really liked the descriptions in this piece. They were added in tastefully and gave the reader flavored imagery throughout the story.
I also really dug the fact that this piece was stretched over a period of time. It gave a great opportunity to create real history for the characters and watch them develop from childhood to adulthood.
This was a really touching story.
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This piece was well written and it really caught my attention. You did a wonderful job with wording and emotions. You're a great writer - good job!
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This deserves to be a grat novel
ITS EXCELLENT
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I decided to read "Harriet " when i saw it at featured stories so decided to give a look.It's nice ,quite interesting.There's always a Harriet in sb's life so i think the topic is universal.I guess we all have searched for "Harriet",tried to distinguish here from the crowd and let her know that he remeber her.Somebody said your style is simple,but i guess when it comes to things like that it has to be simple .Honestly was a bit surprised about that other woman that looked like Harriet.
And this story is a bit send,it gets me is a gloomy mood.
Wish you luck!
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This story went somewhere totally else from where I thought it would go when I started. So yay for being pleasantly surprised!
Your writing style was very easy to get into and enjoy. I think many people carry vivid impressions of their first loves throughout life. I know I do. I guess it will never totally fade away; thanks for the forecast of hope!. Rewarded 6
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Brilliant! Highly entertaining, and superbly written. I found perhaps the beginning slightly awkward and hard to get into because of the complex language, but perhaps that's just because it's late here. You have a very nice style, complex enough to make me think but simple enough so I don't lose interest. Very nice and amusing, and I like the way it was told over such a long period of time. Superb. I very much enjoyed this, it was humorous and pleasant to read, as well as relaxing. Thank you!
. Rewarded 8
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Classic
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This was cute! At first I really liked the fact that Gary and Harriet started out together but Harriet turned out to be so mean
Gary, on the other hand did turn into kind of a stalker when he went looking for her. XD But all in all this was very cute I really liked the detail and the feelings that seem to appear in this. You feel his dissappiontment, enbarassment and his infatuation with her. Just one line bothered me and I know I'm obbsessive XD It's the one sentence in paragraph 19 the seventh sentence; "People looked at the young boy and may have wondered what the stranger was doing. For whom he waited." Check the perspective on it because it's all told from the character's point-of-veiw. All in all that's the only thing I found ^.^ Nicely done and thank you soo much for entering my contest! ^.^
♥ Blackwings
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I really enjoyed this. It was so simple. Just a simple, good story. It wasn't overdramatic or full of cliches, and was still romantic. I like the message of hope in it. =] Was really bitter sweet.
Thanks for entering and good luck.
-jj
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Awwww!!
This story is cute. And sad at the same time.
The forth grade thing made me squeal!
It's written so beautifully and so smoothly.
I love it!
I JUST LOVE IT!
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Another very nice piece Gary. The autobiographical influence - the nostalgia - is effervescent! And yes, it is all about hope. I find little fault in the story, and what there is, is just a polishing issue to move it from sparkling to brilliant. Below are some suggestions or pointers with regard to grammar, choice of words and style (noting that a few of these are not strongly put to you - just thoughts on my part).
para 2 - I love your first sentence - but here's a thought... Have you thought of employing the pregnant pause (the comic's pause): "..long enough to chronically distract me from more serious pursuits... like schoolwork."? I haven't used the ellipsis for this purpose much in my writing, but in my view it is a worthy effect in the right place.
para 3 - "Periodically I scanned Joyce’s aisle for a sign" - a minor suggestion, and only a matter of my preferred style: "I periodically scanned..."
para 4 - "In fact what little remained of that afternoon was an indelible pain and disappointment" - perhaps "would become an indelible..."
para 9 - "all right" should be "alright".
para 13 - a long sentence in there... but as I have said in other critiques, the humourous style often can be augmented by zig-zag sentences. It reads... I leave the thought with you without further 'judgement'.
para 14 - sentence 3 - inconsistent use of commas and semicolons. Suggest making clothing references separated by semicolons consistently.
para 20 - "date deprived" could be hyphenated - easier for the reader to quickly get in flow.
para 21 - "these" probably should be "those college days" since it is still looking afar. That second sentence is definitely too long - also the use of commas aren't breaking the switches in direction effectively.
para 31 - "a while" should be "awhile"? Possibly in two places? Not sure about this one.
para 33 - "“Who wasn’t,” he said?" I think the question mark should be at "wasn't" and perhaps "said" isn't quite the right pitch for this sentence - perhaps "opined"?
para 34 - first sentence - comma not needed.
para 37 - "She was one of the few women in heels," isn't quite complete - me being pedantic again - perhaps "She was one of the few women in heels there,". "same age and height" sort of in the same category - perhaps "the right age and height".
para 44 - "looked like she does" sounds not quite right... "looked like her"?
para 46 - don't need a comma after "did wonder". Semi-colon after suppose, instead of a comma.
Hope I got the para numbers right, as they weren't there. Again, a great read!
. Rewarded 8
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Again, Geeza, some wonderful comments, edits and catches. Proving once again...!
I followed your clever suggestions for most...and had reasons for leaving a few alone...as they were. We can discuss those at length. (When I have a larger piece of paper!)
Thanks again. Much appreciated. Thank you for taking the time and thought...and applying your considerable skill!
GA -
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no problemo Gary. I never give comments (other than typos and other obvious stuff) with the view that I believe they HAVE to be accepted. There is always a dimension of subjectivity. Happy to discuss such matters... as always.
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this was great, but I cant help but wonder who the mistaken girl was.
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As always you've once again written a cute little story. Keep it going.
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A gentle and poignant trip back to the feelings of a young boy with his first infatuation; seen through the eyes and heart of the man he became. Beautifully written.
. Rewarded 4
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I like it. You know the craft. Well done.
. Rewarded 8
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Awwww!
This was cute, and a little sad. You brought back memories of crushes from elementary school (which truthfully wasn't that long ago for me).
Anyway, you did a great job!
. Rewarded 4
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an ode to elementary crushes
i loved it. just out of curiousity, did he ever see that one woman who he thought was harriet again? that would have been a cute ending.. Rewarded 4
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That was wonderful. Harriet said his ears stuck out. Man, that is so disapointing. Nice ending. He mistaken a girl for Harriet. Keep writng. Hehe, mew!
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I'm guessing Option 10? Do put the option in your notes, please. Makes it a hell of a lot easier on me.
This is a very relatable story, as uncle RJ says below. Bravo for that!
I can see clearly how your story follow the prompt.Very good.
Good luck and thanks for entering.
HT
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This is why I read a Gary Alexander story. It never fails to surprise and impress me. Once again, a great job.
I reckon many people can relate to this man's story, and how their first crush still lingers on in their minds .... I know exactly the feeling you depict in your usual thought-provoking way - but, like Jack, I did marry her.
Thanks for the wonderful read, mate, and keep up the good work.
RJ
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Wow this was really interesting. Really really relatable, I enjoyed the read a lot. I wonder if his ears were still sticking out at the end...*thinks*
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Captivating! I loved the plot, kept my interest from beginning to end and was a classic in the making!
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I thought I would give your stuff another glance since my last comment was so rude. Well, anyways I enjoyed this story a lot though I have to say that I felt bad for the guy.
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i like it although i dont really get time to read it all as i am in school
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Captivating
This is adorable. I love the characters, and it's amazingly well-written, as always. Beyond my congratulations, there really isn't much else to say, except I hope I come across more of your writing in the future! -
who can't relate to this one? you described his infatuation beautifully. i enjoyed it it was very well written great job!
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A good story...
I read this piece while not in the most of an alert state, but I felt if I put off reading this story (at your insistence) I may have never read it. I hope you won't regret my critique.
I found some of the wording a bit pretentious, definitely not something a person with a short vocabulary should or would read.
The crush on Harriet struck me more as an "on again, off again" obsession. Why would any man allow himself to become embroiled with one female, who shows nothing short of disdain for him, for so long, I find baffling. Meh, maybe I am just stereo-typing as a whole. I'll be bluntly honest here, I got bored after a bit.
Still, it was well constructed story. And that, my friend is my two cents.
. Rewarded 8
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