"Susie, you look beautful! You make mommy so proud of you. Adjusting to new changes, to Jonathan...I'm so happy right now. beacuse of Jonathan, and beacuase you're here with me." Susie's mother hugs her and frolics away in her silk dress. she looks beautiful, but I just can't be happy for her... I miss daddy... Susie thinks to herself. It's the big day for her mother, and Susie tries her hardest to keep a cherubic face. She turns to the people sitting in the stands- gossiping and admiring. They all dress in vibrant colors, everyone looking as happy as they could be. Susie smiles at the newcomers, then sits in the back by the entrance. Her pink, scruffled dress was too tight, and her blonde pig-tails made her feel a little too "girly girl."
Susie glances at the awkward guest that she's never even seen before. Probably in for the free food. Bored out of her mind, she walks into her mother's dressing room.
"Oh my goodness, Lauren, you look absolutely spectacular!" high pitched cries of joy ring through the hallway. (here we go again...)
"Susie! my favorite 8-year old girl!" the crowd of obnoxious woman run to her. "How are you? Oh, Lauren, I'll bet you have the cutest daughter in the world! God Bless! Aww..." Susie rubs her cheeks after the pinching marathon. Suddenly, a knock on the door distracts the commotion.
"Lauren?" Jonathan, the to-be-wed enters with one hand covering his eyes. The woman gasp in suprise. "Don't worry ladies, my eyes are shut tight, but honey, we have to get going! it's almost time!" and he shuts the door. Jonathan is a high-class businness man that owns 10 different casinos around the U.S. He's seven years younger than Susie's mother. The only communication Susie and Jonathan has had was a simple "hello" and "how are you?"
Following Jonathan and his talking cell phone, prepares her flower petals and stares at the priest. 'Mom's not even religious...why do we have a pope?' she thinks to herself. The organs start to play, and Susie begins taking her steps. Down the aisle, Jonathan is bawling like a baby- who would've thought this multi-millionare would act like this? Susie lets out a giggle, and something suddenly caught her eye. A boy with a amateur mohawk sat in the corner, smiling at her. He wore a black sweater and jeans- so much for dressing up. Susie emits a small grin and continues down to aisle. She takes her seat, and watches her forty-year old mother walk down the hall. 'Wow, she's beautiful...as always' Susie's mother had changed jobs ever since her father died. She's never been steady since then. Her soft surface of her skin glowed and the dress brought out her green eyes. Her blonde hair radiated throughout the dull room and made her look like a barbie doll. She is the barbie doll.
Susie watches the ceremony blankly, seeing that she's seen this scenario with her mother more than enough. All of a sudden, she hears a scratch on the cushion seat beside her. The boy she saw earlier smirked.
"What do you want?"
"You."
"I'm only seven, go away."
"hey, I am too!"
"yeah right. you can't be seven and dress like a punk."
"you can't be seven and dress like a beauty queen," Susie blushes and giggles. He scoots closer.
"I'm Sean." he puts his hand out.
"We're in the middle of a ceremony! Shh."
"It doesn't matter... they can't hear because they're yapping like chickens..."
"Excuse me, but those yapping chickens are my parents. Well, the girl is." Susie scoots futher away from Sean in disgust.
"Oh, sorry. Hey, you wanna get out of here?"
"Uhm, why are you even here? Who's related to you here, because it looks like no one is..." Sean frowns and tilts his head. "Sorry, I didn't mean that..."
"My parents are close friends of Jonathan. Really close. And I don't look like them because it's just the way I am. I'm different." he says proudly.
"You're seven." Susie replies flatly.
"You have an attitude...I like that. Hey, do you have a name?"
"Sorry, no. I don't. Oh, the thing is over...gotta go! Nice meeting you. Bye." Susie runs away, following her mother outside to the wedding car. Sean quickly follows, jingling his pants along.
Susie watches her mother and Jonathan suffocate in the greetings and hugs they received incessantly. A hand grabs her arm.
"Why can't you just talk like a normal girl?"
"because i'm not a normal girl."
"please step a side, young lady. You and I need to have a private chat." Susie giggles and follows the boy. They walk to a nearby bench. Sean suddenly digs into his pocket.
"Here. I got you this." he hands her a small bundle of flowers.
"You don't even know my name! Are you dumb? and you have cooties..."
"Cooties? alright then, cure me." they sit on the bench and Susie starts to sing,
"Circle, circle, dot, dot. Now you got a cootie shot. Circle circle, square, square, now you have it everywhere!" They laugh together. Susie abruptly releases Sean's hand and faces forward. "hm. I don't even know you. I dont' even like you but i'm still here with you. and we're only seven."
"We're smarter and more experienced than average seven year olds...we don't play with barbies and cabbage kids."
"I do."
"Well...uhm.. you're much more cooler than seven year olds." Susie frowns and stares ahead. "What's wrong?"
"It's the fact that I like you and I'm missing my mother's wedding with the boy that I think she'll stay with for a long time." Sean smiles and looks at her. He kisses her on the cheek.
"Eww! What was that for?!" She wipes her face quickly.
"Uh... I don't know. I just like you alot."
"uhhh...ok." she looks away and grins. "Okay, I give up! I'm Susie. You got me there, mister."
"I sure did."
Author notes
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/45082809/
option 1
this was fun to write.!
A contest entry
- Picture Perfect. by Hitsuzen.
135 points, ended July 7, 2007, 11 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
Okay, I liked it, but I thought it was a little unrealistic. I have not seen seven year olds that mature before. A nine year old, maybe, but not seven. The only thing that convinced me they were young is the 'cootie' thing at the end. Okay, now some positive feedback. I loved the detail and description you put into the story. It's great imagery. Good job!
*Frozen Angel* -
lololol
so cute. XD
Main notes:
good descriptive language
good use of stimulus.
Overall:
story didn't quite flow, a bit disjointed. but you deascribed the scenes and the people quite well and the story was very sweet and funny.
FREE LLAMAS! ^^


