Andy pulled out of the gas station parking lot, turning sharply as the tires scraped the highway. Heavy hills rolled out endlessly ahead of him and his brother, Colin, who was fast asleep in the passenger seat. The two boys were on their way to visit their Uncle Tim. His wife, Emily, had just passed away and he needed help going through some of her stuff, and fixing up her old cottage in the Rocky Mountains.
Slowly, Colin stirred. His eyes slowly opened and he turned his head to the window, staring out at the passing signs advertising restaurants many kilometers away. "Where are we?" He asked, now looking at Andy.
"I'm not exactly sure what this area's called, but we're only about 24 more hours away from Uncle Tim's," Andy answered, while glancing at the clock.
The setting sun up ahead glowed gold as it sunk between the hills. The pinkish red sky was cloudless, yet beautiful. Andy thought for a second. tonight, he'd drive as much as possible before sleeping. That way, the boys might even be able to cut the twenty-four hour drive in half. It was too bad though, that Colin was only fifteen, and could not yet drive. His brother though, was twenty, and was going to be twenty-one in only a few weeks. He had driven this far already, and was determined to make it to his uncles as soon as possible.
"I'm hungry," Colin whined, "When are we going to eat?" He'd always had an eating problem, ever since he could remember. He'd eat and eat and eat, and still, never be full.
Andy thought for a second, and heard his own stomach rumble. "Um, I picked up some food at the gas station. It's in the back seat if you want some."
Colin unbuckled his seat belt and carefully climbed into the back. His dark brown bangs fell into his eyes as he reached for the plastic bag, but he quickly swept them to the side of his head. Climbing back into the passenger seat, he buckled his seat belt and emptied the bag's contents onto his lap. It was all junk food, but he didn't complain. Tearing open the potato chips he passed a handful to his brother, and then ate some himself.
A fully round, glowing white moon etched through the sky, lighting the highway in front of Andy and Colin, with some help from the car's headlights. Andy glanced over at Colin, wondering if he was asleep. His head was turned slightly away, so he could have been sleeping or he could have just been staring out the window. Andy's question was answered though, as Colin yawned and turned to him. "Can you pull over?" he asked.
"Pull over? Not really, we have a chance to get there before tomorrow night. Why do you need me to pull over anyway?"
He looked a little embarrassed for a sec, then turned completely serious. "I have to go... bad."
Andy smiled a little. "Can't you hold it until we get to a gas station, or a fast food place, or something like that?"
"No, seriously Andy, I gotta go." Andy noticed the urgency in his voice and pulled to the side of the road. Colin swung open the door and ran off into the midnight's darkness, towards a set of bushes.
Andy turned away to give his brother privacy, but as soon as he looked towards the road his eyelids closed, and he fell into a peaceful sleep.
Andy's eyes snapped open. What time was it? He started the car and watched as the clock flashed quarter after three. He'd slept for at least three hours. Looking over in the passenger seat, he could hardly see the shadow of his brother, fast asleep. He must have came right back to the car and collapsed in his seat, exhausted.
Andy pulled back onto the road and continued driving into the brisk night air.
The sky was still dark, and the moon shone overhead. Not a sliver of light escaped the horizon, as the car sped along quietly. Suddenly, the figure beside Andy moved as his brother awoke. He didn't awake slowly though. His eyes snapped open and he turned quickly in his seat. As his brother looked over at him, Colin flipped back towards the window. Andy watched as he started thrashing around in his seat as if having a seizure.
Quickly Andy threw the car to the side of the road, and unbuckled his seatbelt along with Colin's, because his was choking him.
Andy was panicked; his brother's eyes were wide with terror, as he was throwing a fit in the passengers seat. Desperately wondering how to stop this madness, Andy grabbed his brother by the shoulders. On Colin's right shoulder though, the one facing the door, Andy felt a warm, sticky substance. He pulled his hand back slowly and realized in the dim light of the moon that it's colour was a deep, scarlet/crimson blend. Andy would know that colour substance anywhere.
All of a sudden, Colin stopped. He stared straight ahead and, for a minute or two, looked almost dead. Then, he was massive. The transformation was instant. Hair sprouted everywhere and Colin's nails grew into claws. His nose grew, but not like pinnochio's would have. Instead, it grew into a snout, like that of a dog. Colin's ears grew soft and flopped over themselves. He was a werewolf.
Andy stared for almost a minute trying to decide what was happening. Finally, he flung open his door and dove into the road. The early morning air stung as he left the heat of the car. Colin dived out after Andy, landing on all fours. The wolf growled hungrily, wiping his blood from his arm. It had only been a few hours earlier that Colin had gone to answer a call of nature. Afterwords, while heading back to the car, he was ambushed by what he thought was a wild coyote, which were actually very common in this region. He'd made his way back to the car, and fell asleep directly after buckling himself in.
Then he awoke as a different species, and all of a sudden he was hungry for blood. Human blood. And here was a man, in the car, filled with the delicious substance.
He pounced, pinning Andy to the pavement. Ripping off the man's shirt with his claws, he dug his teeth deeply into his neck. Blood seeped slowly onto the pavement and Andy's pulse slowed almost to a complete stop. Colin turned his attention to the chest of the victim, which was hardly moving up and down. He pierced his teeth through the delicate skin and ripped it open. Digging his claws into the victim's heart, he finished the man off. Andy was dead.
Colin though, still wasn't finished. He buried his snout into his brother's open chest, drinking greedily. If he'd have still been in his human form, he would have been a vampire. But no, he still liked meat, which was obvious by the way he chewed his brother's bones, even after the blood was gone. In triumph, Colin howled at the moon.
Colin had always had an eating problem, ever since he could remember. He'd eat and eat and eat, and still, never be full. Never though, until tonight, had Colin been hungry enough to drink blood, or eat human flesh. He howled at the moon once more, as it began to blur into a small thread of morning light, causing the peaks of the hills to glow.
"I'm hungry," Colin whined, and darted off to find something to satisfy the growling, from deep inside his stomach.
Author notes
For Dark Star Seth:
Option two - Horror.
All your entries were pre-writes so I decided to write something new
For All My Readers:
I need a title by the way. Hunger is temporary because, well frankly, it's not the catchiest title for a werewolf story. Please help out.
Actually, if you can think of an awesome title, I'll send you 30 points.
Kay?
Kay.
A contest entry
- Sex, horror, and crazy people; OH MY!! by Oblivion Kitty God.
1500 points, ended July 7, 2007, 12 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - My First, My Last, My Everything... by CactusJack.
150 points, ended August 13, 2007, 13 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - I want werewolves!!!! by amanda vampiress.
245 points, ended November 12, 2008, 22 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Be honest...
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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That was really freaky!!!! I should really pay attention when skilled writers write something under the category horror! Thanks for the nightmares sure to come!
Hmmm... A title? Here's some:
Midnight Desire
The Moonlit Hunger
New Cravings
Canine's Blood
The Food of the Wolves
Moon-lit Meal
I don't know... Just some ideas. Some of which I acually considered using when naming my wolf book a week ago!
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This was a good read and a really good write. I enjoyed reading your story. It wasn't too gory or overly horrific to the point that it doesn't flow well.
I saw one transition problem, which was when Colin was heading into the back seat to get the chips. He fell asleep mightily fast after reaching for the bag. I did not see any spelling errors, so bravo there!
All in all, this was a good story. I like how you were very straight forward at the beginning of the story, and just went right into it. Keep up the good work.
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Good Job
I think its great the way that you go into so much detail and the horror begins almost straight away. I thought it was really catchy the way you repeated the line 'Colin has always had an eating problem...' -
Excellent piece. You caught my attention and kept it throughout. I liked the way you referenced Colin's eating problem both before and after his transformation.
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nice, concise little horror story. like other pointed out, it'll be cool if you do continue the story, but this is nifty, too.
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I like the fact that you notified the reader of the key points to begin the story. It's like - bam - here it is and keep reading to know more.
Line 2 - the use of slowly again so close together (slowly, Colin stirred. His eyes slowly opened...) Maybe just say, Colin stirred. Readers will know that he was asleep since "stirring" is what you do when you are sleeping (we know he's not cooking).
It's funny when I read your story, how I get the visualization of the two brothers in "Supernatural". I like that image.
I don't know if this matters but in line 4, you use the word "though" in the same paragraph. Maybe used too close together.
It seems a little off that Colin went into the backseat to get a snack and in such a short time, his brother doesn't know if he was sleeping or looking out of the window. Colin must have eaten his potato chips really fast to make his brother believe he fell back asleep. Potato chips are loud and crunchy and I think Andy would have known the status of his brother's condition.
I'm letting you know now that before I completed your story, I was wondering about his brother sleeping in the front seat when Andy woke up. Why didn't Colin wake his brother up after he relieved himself?
Line 18 - I don't think you have to say "..the one facing the door". If someone is seated in the passenger's seat, the right shoulder would be the one by the door.
Line 19 - I think the change was unbelievably sudden. Were you trying to be humourous?
Line 20 - Let me tell you that a minute can last a lifetime! I think Andy knew exactly what was happening from the description in your previous paragraph. This paragraph is better written, better description.
I like the way you referred to Colin as "the man", after Andy turned into a werewolf. It gives the reader a detachment from the brother and lets you see the character as a beast.
I'm not sure where the transformation in your writing took place but the last three paragraphs had me at the edge of my seat! I loved the way you finished it off in true paranormal fashion. I especially liked the "Alfred Hitchcock" type style by repeating what you mentioned earlier in the story - "colin had always had an eating problem, ever since he could remember. He'd eat....."
Maybe you could have described Andy more since I couldn't get a picture of his character.
Oh..man! The ending was great. As to a title - Blood Brother, Carnal Hunger, Crimson Night, Heir To Darkness... to name a few. -
Great Job!!
This was excellent. My only problem was that it is too dang short. I hate short stories, they're like teaser trailers. But even as a short story you gave a lot of detail and plenty of room for growth. Great wolf story. Thanks for entering the contest and good luck. -
Great job Kevan : ) You get the werewolves and I get the vampires!
What about a title like Shifter? I like Hunger but it reminds me of vampires. -
Cool Story Dude
I always am a sucker for the occasional werewolf tale. For being a short story, I thought this was pretty good. Could use a little work, but it's good all the same. Was an interesting read. Good luck in the contest!
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wow.
this is very different from your other ones.
very interesting.
i never would have expected a werewolf story from you.
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There were a few grammatical errors here and there, but nothing too bad. Just a quick reread and a little revision would fix things up. This is a good story, another of the infamous werewolf stories. At the least, it's a break from vampires. Anyway, you did well with this. It had some elements of gore and decent images, but the gruesomeness of it was rather bland. Nonetheless, I liked it. Good job. Thanks for entering this into the contest. Please check back again near the end if you want to see if your story is a finalist. Oh, and hunger works very well as a title.
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I really enjoyed this story. Exspecialy around the end. The way you described him kill his brother really made it visual.
Great story! I loved it.
PS I think Eating Terror is a good title for your storybeginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 5.
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