My Love

I am sorry.1

There I did it. I know that you will never hear those words come from my lips but I just had to write them. Although now that they're out I can't help but think about how lame they look.  How does one apologize for falling love? How does one get over the fact that they fell for their best friend? 2

I know that you will never love me back, at least not in the same way that I love you. Why would you? I am only your friend, right? Oh Jen how I wish I could tell you; I wish that you would take me in your arms like you have so many times before. Just hold me. 3

I know that if you were to ever read this you would probably feel more than a little awkward, you might never want to speak me again. If that were to ever happen I would fully understand and stand behind your decision 100%...just like I always have. I would do anything that you wanted me to do, even if you told me to leave you alone for the rest of my life. I would leave you. If you told me to die I would. But I know that you would never tell me to die. You are too good of a person to tell me that. And even if you get pissed at me and tell me to leave...you would miss me even for a short time. 4

I know that you think about your future and you see yourself with him. You see how happy you both can be and I envy that. You have the one that makes you happy and I have to watch mine from afar while being so close. But I am happy for you. So very happy. 5

I love you Jen and for that I am sorry.