Title: Fuck that Sugar and Spice Shit
Fuck the fucker fucking fuck
I guess now I'm out of luck
and every time I wanted,
I could scream,
LOOK AT MY HANDS!
They seem
so fake.
So fake there's nothing there,
fake legs,
fake face,
and head of hair,
all fake.
There's nothing in me now
but blood and sinew,
bones and waste;
I am easily replaced.
I even have the recipe:
Find a girl
and take her spine
and then create some sort of sign
of weakness – fat or bald or scarred.
Come up with one,
it's not so hard.
Retarded? No. She must be smart
and make sure that she has a heart
and every single sense must work
to process every daily hurt.
Since her weakness is paraded
she will grow up used and jaded
faded from reality...
And now you know my recipe.
Author notes
Swear words are FUN!
Okay. As with most of my poems, my formatting did NOT work out when reposting this on storywrite, but I think it reads satisfactorily, nonetheless.
Just....please. If this poem comes out like a 15 year old emo girl angst piece, please tell me. ...So I can go shoot myself in the head.
Thanks! :-D
And please, give me constructive criticism!
Favorite pet name: Meow Tse-tung (for a kitty!), Otto Von Bisbark (for a puppy!)
Star Sign: Libra, baby! You know, for being represented by the Scales, I have been accused of being rather unbalanced. ;-)
In a list
A contest entry
- Poetry contest by Xtclozer-.
700 points, ended March 9, 2008, 25 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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HmmMMmm.. Not one of my favorites, but it was good. It had emotion, I'll give you that. And the swearing really shown how angry you were.
Good luck in my contest, and thanks for entering.
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Haha!
I don't think it was really sad, but thanks for entering.
Good Luck -
hehe i have read this before and loved it. good work and thanks for entering... but you're probably the fourth person who forgot something. lol.
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darn it. I'm sorry! I forgot to check to see if you'd read this before! I'll withdraw this from the contest.
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While I normally hate swearing (why can't people find a better way to express themselves?), in this poem it really adds to the tone and sets up the story. I suggest you get rid of the all caps on the line "LOOK AT MY HANDS," otherwise it looks rather immature.
I love most of this poem: it has an amazing tone and interesting message. There is one chunk that seems rather "emo," though:
"to process every daily hurt.
Since her weakness is paraded
she will grow up used and jaded
faded from reality..."
The "daily hurt" and "used and jaded" parts seem especially cliche, as that's the sort of thing emo 15 year old girls complain about all the time.
The "recipe" section was otherwise outstanding. A little disturbing--it certainly put me out of my element--but a great read.
My verdict: publishable. I don't frequent the e-zines that publish this sort of material, but I know they're out there--I seem to remember one called Moria, but I'm not entirely sure about that. Great job! Thanks for entering the contest, and good luck!beginning: 4, language: 3, plot: 3, ending: 4, dialog: 3, characters: 3.
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Hmmm
A bit disturbing to say the least! heh. And I thought I was handy with the dark stuff! lol. (which, no one's really seen yet. But just might now since I'm feeling a little braver here). ;0)
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hehehe i liked that. nice work! =D and nah i dont think it was emo, i thought it was awesome. LOL
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