Fallen Angel



You’ve always been told

You weren’t good enough

Not smart enough

Not social enough

Not perfect enough

So you believed them

You listened to the lies,

The jealous swipes at your ego

You let them beat you down

Until you believed the lies yourself

You had almost given up hope

When your savior came

“Take my hand, Fallen Angel,

Rise up

Stand up for yourself

Don’t be afraid to be great.”

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments


  • Bitter Irony
    June 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    First of all, I suggest not capitalizing the beginning of each line: only capitalize the first words of sentences. Also, add periods to the end of all sentences.

    I like the message of this poem, but I feel it could have been told better. Your last line is great: the rest, however, doesn't have the flow, imagery, or memorable wording of "publishable" poetry. It's good for a website like SW--certainly one of the better poems I've read online. I just lacks the "kick" needed to stand out in an inbox full of submissions.

    Still, it was an enjoyable read. Thanks for entering the contest, and good luck in your future writing!

    beginning: 3, language: 2, plot: 2, ending: 4, dialog: 2, characters: 2.


  • Andrew Timothy
    June 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    That- right there- was a great poem. It had a good rhythm and I like the context of it. Great job!