Probably just a girl

She sees it coming. From the right, an average car, but not with an average speed. Threatening black is coming closer and closer. She doesn’t think of jumping out of the way. She knows it will only be a second or two. She is standing still at the crossroad, trying to see the driver’s face, but all she sees is her own reflection. She watches her own frightened eyes.
Back at home there was never too little time, rather too much. Back at home there was no back car almost making contact with her legs. But it was too late to turn back into the airport and fly back to England.
The orange lights of the car reminded her of the sun. She used to watch it set with Aaron, as they sat on the beach. She remembers one conversation very well. It had been the first time she heard the word that would be the reason for many fights, and all of her dreams...
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The sun was dangerously low to the horizon, as Haley's seven-year-older cousin Aaron was sitting next to her in the already cooled off sand, staring into nothing. It had been a very warm summer day. The sky was cloudless and blue. The salty air smelled like the sea and fish, and when it invaded her nose, she inhaled willingly. A few seagulls were looking for food buried in the sand. They made noise, but Haley barely noticed; she was used to it.
She liked it when Aaron took her with him. He lived just around the corner, in the big house with dark stones and huge windows. She didn't like the house. Even though its many windows, it still seemed dark inside.
Her house was nothing like that. It wasn't big at all. It was just big enough for her and her parents. She never understood why uncle William and aunt Sheila had such a big house. Her mother had tried to explain once; she said that uncle William had much money because of his successful business, but Haley didn't see how that would explain his huge house. She was too young to understand that. Only seven.
She looked at Aaron. He hadn't moved. He didn't move a lot. He could sit still for a very long time. She couldn't do that. She hated sitting still, especially sitting still and saying nothing.
She buried her feel in the cool sand, which caused her to shiver. The sun made the sand look like it was on fire, but in reality it was quite cold. She thought that was a little miracle. Like she thought many things were miracles. Like the trees' losing their leaves in autumn, the way everything froze in the winter except for the sea, and like the way her freckles suddenly came back in huge amounts when the winter was gone.
“ Where does the sun go now?” she asked. She wiggled her toes so they stuck out of the pile of sand.
The walk to the beach was only fifteen minutes. Sometimes she went there alone and played with the sand, because there weren’t other children to play with. And Aaron didn't want to play with her all the time.
The village they lived in was very small. And every year it seemed smaller than before. It was a part of a larger town, but that was an hour driving away. She had never been there, and she didn't really want to.
The village actually existed out of three roads. They didn't even have names. The people made up the names theirselves, and placed home-made street signs at the ends of the roads. Her street was called Oak Street. And since there was no single oak to be found in the village, no-one knew why.
She thought it was a nice road. The houses were average, but all different. Some were attached to others, like hers. Other houses stood loose and had larger gardens. Just opposite from her house was Mr. and Mrs. Perkins' bakery. Mr. and Mrs. Willis' grocery store was just at the end of the street.
Aaron's street was simply called Aaron's Street. Well, by Haley that was. She always forgot it's real name.
On both sides of Oak Street and Aaron's Street were trees. Almost everyone had a little front yard with a wooden fence around it. When it rained, the bog holes in the roads would fill up, and Haley would go outside and stamp in the puddles as hard as she could. She didn't understand how everyone could complain about those holes so much.
And then there was the road to the beach. It was a little bit larger than the others. There was an old departed house on the right, and on the left, at the beach, was Mr. Daniels' house. He was the only one that lived there, because more houses couldn't be built on the sandy soil surrounding the road. The closer you got to the sea, the sandier the road got, until you were suddenly standing on the beach, not having noticed when the road had ended. That was why the only other children that had lived in the village, left last year. They had lived in the old, departed house, which was sinking into the ground slowly.
The street was simply called Daniels Street. Her mother had once told her that Mr. Daniels' house was also slowly sinking into the ground. Haley was still having nightmares about that sometimes.
“ Aaron, where does the sun go?” she asked again, because he hadn't heard her. That happened a lot. Sometimes Haley thought he was always dreaming, even when he was awake. She knew that look in his eyes. She was sure that if you looked in them, you wouldn't see a reflection of anything. She was sure he didn't see anything. And apparently he didn't hear anything either, because he still didn't answer. She softly nudged him and called his name.
“ Huh?” he said, looking confused at her. “Oh, it goes to another country now. Away from the tiny people,” he simply explained.
Aaron was the only one who didn't act like she was a child, even though she was only seven. It made her feel great and mature, but in some ways it felt al little scary; she couldn't say why. Most of the times Haley didn't understand anything Aaron said, but she often didn't ask what he meant, because she was afraid that, when she did, he wouldn't answer her questions at all the next time.
“ Who are the tiny people?” Just another question wouldn't hurt. He looked at her a bit surprised, which she didn't understand.
“ Well, everyone you know,” he said, but decided it wasn't clear enough for her. “Everyone in this village.” He made a wide gesture with his arms, something she didn't see him doing much. Therefore she was a bit startled and backed away slightly. He didn't notice.
“ But, why do you call us the tiny people?” She saw him wince a little when she said 'us', but before she could wonder if she had said something wrong he seemed to have regained his posture.
“ This village is small, Haley. It makes everyone smaller than the really are. Sometimes it makes me feel small, too.”
“ Great! Finally some-one else who knows how it feels,” she said, thinking about how she was the youngest one in the village. He laughed. Even if it was just a little. She couldn't remember the last time she had heard him laugh. He did smile every now and then, but she thought laughing was something completely different. She also thought he laughed funny. It sounded like it was the first time he was producing that kind of sound, and like he wasn't sure how to do it. However, she felt really proud at making him laugh.
But then she remembered something else she had wanted to know.
“ Aaron?” she asked. She decided it was probably wiser to check if he was listening, so she didn't have to repeat her question.
“ Yes.” Okay, he was listening.
“ To what country does the sun go now?” He looked at her, again a bit surprised.
“ Em...” He fell silent for a moment, and looked at the sky. Most people would have said he was just making something up. But she believed he was just looking for the right way to put his brilliant answer into words. She was naive. But of course, she was only seven. He opened his mouth again. “A lot of them actually. Australia per example.” His eyes were staring into nothing again. She was a bit jealous of him sometimes. She wished she could see what was inside his head. She wished she could steal his dreams.
“ What are you dreaming about?” She looked at the sun, hoping to see what he was seeing. But she probably wasn't. She couldn't imagine that he was staring at that stupid sun all the time, like it was the first time he was looking at it. No, Aaron was special, he wasn't seeing anything she could see. She knew that for sure.
“ About a lot of things really,” he said. “Like Australia.” He shrugged and looked at her with a frown on his face, probably because she had been staring at him for a long time. She didn't like it when people did that to her either.
She played with her hair, which was a big mess because of the salty air.
“ Why is Australia always the example?” she asked.
“ Because in Australia, anything is possible.” He gave her one quick look, as if to make sure if she was still there.
“ How do you know that?” He looked annoyed now, as did she. Why did he always know those cool things? Everything she knew were the things she had learned from Aaron. And she didn't like that knowledge, because she knew it was second-hand wisdom from Aaron. All the things he didn't think were important any more, he told her. She never knew something before him, and it pissed her off. Of course she learned things in school, too. But compared with the stuff Aaron told her, all those things were useless. Aaron always made her feel like she had just been told a great secret, that only she and him knew about. Yes, it was nothing like the things she learned in school. Everybody could read and write and all those things. Nothing gave her that exiting feeling in her stomach she had when Aaron told her something.
“ I know that because we are doing a project about Australia this week at school,” he started. And again, with one little piece of information he changed her whole view on something. On school. Suddenly that didn't seem as useless as she thought. Aaron stopped talking and looked at her curiously when he heard her taking a deep breath. Then he continued.
“ I have learned a lot about it. It is like paradise, Haley! Like I said: anything is possible in Australia.” He had started off sounding still a little irritated, but later on he sounded almost worshipping. She had never seen that look in his eyes; those big, green eyes.
For the first time she really looked at him. And she noticed they weren't alike in any way. He was very tall for his age, and Haley was surprised how his feet seemed to be at least twice as big as hers. She thought he probably loved the sea so much because his eyes were exactly the same colour. And she tried to think of something that was brown, something that she could love for the same reason. But at that moment all of her thoughts were sea-green.
The orange light made his straight, almost white hair look strangely pink. It hung a little over his ears, stuck damp on his forehead and just by looking at it she could almost smell the sea. His awfully white skin seemed to mirror the deep orange shade. When she looked at him, it was almost as if she was looking at the sun itself.
She looked at the strand of curly hair she had been playing with and she knew she had found something brown she could love. She loved her hair. Sometimes she thought Aaron looked like cartoon, of which the drawer had forgot the colour everything but his eyes. At least no-one would ever think that of her.
They were too different for anyone who didn't know them to think that they were family. But of course in the small village they lived in, that was not a problem, because everyone knew them. She thought they were even too different to be friends. The only thing they had in common were the few freckles around their noses.
She had almost forgotten what he had been talking about, but the odd tension that had hung in the air ever since he had let the word 'Australia' escape from his lips, made her think that this was very important.
“ Why isn't anything possible here?” She didn't even know if that was really the case, but that was what she had understood from his words.
“ Because Australia is big, Haley. Australia is so far away, that the sun can't shine in England and in Australia at the same time. In Australia there is no family. In Australia no-one tells you what to do; where you can't and can go, particularly where you can't. In Australia there are no tiny people. Australia is freedom.”
And then the sun was in Australia, and she imagined the people there saying hi to the light and warmth it gave. And she thought about how they didn't know that the sun had been in England first, and how they thought the sun was theirs. Stupid people. They had no clue. And Aaron was the only one that knew. Apart from her, of course.

“ What are you doing?” she asked him. Aaron was walking down Daniels Street fast, towards the beach. He was mad. She could tell because he walked different. Usually, he barely lifted his feet and took rather small steps, while his hands were in his pockets, arms hardly moving.
Now, he was walking with big, heavy steps. And he lifted his feet so high it was almost looking like he was stamping. She couldn't hear the usual noise of the bottom of his shoes scraping over the road. No, this time she could only hear a light thud whenever his feet hit the ground. His head was lifted in the air, and she thought that it had to be the first time she was seeing his neck, because he usually walking with his head lightly lowered.
At first she thought he turned his head to see who was talking to him. But then she figured he probably already knew from her light voice. When he saw her, he immediately turned his head away from her. It was a sudden but predictable gesture.
“ Not now Haley,” he told her, and started to walk even faster, so the ten-year-old girl could hardly keep up with him. His cheeks were only a little red, but they really stood out against his white hair and his skin.
“ What happened?” She had to raise her voice a bit, because he was walking in front of her. And also because the wind was blowing her hair out of her face. Her father always told her to speak loud when the wind was blowing strong in her face, because the wind was mad, and it wanted to blow away her words.
“ Nothing happened. Just a stupid fight.” He didn’t speak loud at all, it was more like mumbling, but the wind blew his words right into her ears. She thought it was unfair that the wind wasn't mad at him.
“ With whom?” she asked. And she ran a bit, so she was walking next to him.
“ My parents,” he said, still walking. “I'm just sick of this village, this small village. I want to do things, Haley. I need to get out of here.” He almost whispered that last part and he looked around as if he was telling her a secret. It gave her that strange feeling in her stomach. It was a feeling she only felt when she was with Aaron.
The trees on both sides of the road were losing their leaves so fast that it sometimes looked like it was raining leaves. It made the streets look cosy and warm, because of all the colours.
Apart from the leaves, Daniels Street was empty today. It was never really busy. She probably didn’t even know what busy was, because of the few people that lived in the village. But today no-one was outside. A huge autumn storm was predicted. Even Mr. Daniels, who always sat on the fence in front of his house, was inside. Mr. and Mrs. Perkins’ bakery, which was on the other side of her street, had never opened this morning. And when they walked past Mr. and Mrs. Willis' grocery store, they saw them just closing their store, as well.
“ So, do you want to go to Australia?” He stopped walking suddenly, and looked at her for a moment. Then he started walking again.
Aaron had once told her to take everything as a yes, unless some-one actually said no. And so she did that. “Why don't you just go then?”
“ My parents don't want me to go,” he said. “It's a matter of pride, Haley. But you don't understand that yet. They don't want me to go, because they're afraid that the people will talk about them.”
“ Who? The people in Australia?”
“ No!” He stopped walking and threw his hand in the air. It was a gesture she had never understood from anyone. She wondered if he was yelling because of anger or because the sea and the wind made so much noise.
They were almost at the beach. She could see the huge waves colliding with the pier. And every now and then she could feel a few cold drops on the side of her face.
“ The people in England then?” she asked hesitatingly, remembering what answer her last question had caused.
“ No, Haley! The people here in this town. The tiny people. You see, that's the problem with this town. It is just too small. Everyone knows everything about everyone. When I leave, every-”
“ When you leave?” She quickly turned her head to face him, but he turned his head away and lowered it slightly. She thought he looked like he had just been hit. “Aaron?” she asked, and she walked around him, so she could see his face.
“ Sorry. I em... I mean, if I leave,” he started, as he emphasised on ‘if’, “everyone is going to make up their own stories about it. My parents are just too stupid to see that they shouldn't listen to them.”
He made a face when she spoke about his parents. She knew from herself that she did that a lot, too. She smiled a bit at his face, which caused him to speak louder, to make sure she got that he was serious.
“They won't let me do anything I want. We're trapped in this town forever, Haley. We need to escape, otherwise we will never be able to do what we want. We need freedom! Do you understand what I mean?” She nodded, but she was still trying to process everything he had said.
He studied her face, and it was her turn to turn her head away, because she didn't want him to see how confused she was. She heard him sigh, and she didn't know if it was out of relief that he thought she had understood, or out of frustration that he thought she hadn't. He placed a warm hand on her shoulder for a moment, and then he walked away, on the beach. The wind was growing stronger, but he didn't seem to care.
Suddenly she felt scared. Not because she was standing outside alone while the biggest storm of the year was coming closer, and also not because Aaron was walking away alone while the storm was coming closer. She just didn't know why she felt scared. Maybe it were those threatening clouds, with their deep grey colour, that seemed to gulp down all the beautiful things in the world. Maybe it was the immense amount of rain that was starting to leak from those clouds. And maybe it were the huge puddles that were forming on the ground, in which she could see herself. She just stood there frozen, rain streaming down on her, when she heard a familiar voice call her name.
“Haley! What are you doing? It’s dangerous out there!” Mr. Daniels yelled. She turned her head and saw he was running up to her. She waved at him, and when he was close enough, he grabbed he waving hand and dragged her with him.
A few minutes later, she was sitting in his house, a blanket wrapped around her shoulders, and a steaming cup of tea in her hand. She liked Mr. Daniels. She thought he looked a bit like Aaron; always sitting on the fence in front of his house, staring at the sea, without saying a word. But of course, Mr. Daniels didn’t have anyone to talk to. His wife died when Haley was only two, which would be about eight years ago. And unlike Aaron, Mr. Daniels did speak when someone was with him. Every time he spoke, it was like he hadn’t said anything for a long while. The stuff he said was always right and true, which made it seem like had had enough time to think about it.
His hair never danced it the wind like Aaron’s, because he always wore his hat. She wasn’t sure if he even had hair, but every time she wanted to ask him, a strange feeling held her back.
“Are you getting warmer?” he asked. He was sitting across the big, wooden table, which stood in the middle of the small kitchen. The walls were white, but now they seemed to reflect the grey colour of the sky. She could hear the wind pound against the high windows. She couldn’t remember the last time she was in Mr. Daniels house. He was always outside when she saw him, which wasn’t too strange, because when you are inside, no-one can see you. But she saw him a lot, so he had be outside a lot.
He had led her from her hallway straight to the kitchen. She had gotten a quick glance at his living room, which was a dark, but cosy. At first she had been a little confused about his taking her to the kitchen instead of the living room. But when she had stepped inside, she immediately understood. The kitchen seemed to be the only room from where you could see the beach. She felt a bit strange, because she could see the huge waves slamming against the pier, but she couldn’t hear the incredible noise she knew it was making.
“Yes, I’m fine,” she answered him. She took a sip of her tea, which was still a little too hot. “Why aren’t you drinking tea, Mr. Daniels?” He was staring out of the window, and he closed his eyes slightly every time one of the huge waves came crashing down on the beach, as if it hurt him.
She was about to ask again, like she always had to do with Aaron, but he turned his head and looked at her.
“Well, I am not the one who was taking a shower in the pouring rain,” he said playfully. His eyes always sparkled. He had a huge grin on his face, and his big, red lips remembered her of fish. She thought his hat made his ears look even bigger than the were.
“Why were you doing that anyway?” He looked her straight in the eye, which made her feel warm and uncomfortable at the same time. She suddenly knew why she liked talking to him so much. He was the only one that ever asked her questions. He was the only one that really wanted to know something from her.
She thought about what Aaron had said, and lowered her head a bit. Mr. Daniels saw she was sad, so he reached across the table and with his big hand, he placed a stand of dripping wet, now not so curly hair behind her ear. His hands smelled like salt and fish.
“Just a stupid fight.” She thought Aaron wouldn’t mind if she used his words.
“With whom did you fight then?” His question made her feel warm, but her wet clothes made her shudder. She could see his caring eyes study her face thoroughly.
“ I didn’t fight with anyone,” she explained, but Mr. Daniels seemed a little confused. “Aaron had a fight with his parents.” Mr. Daniels nodded and smiled softly at her.
“Then why are you sad about it? It isn’t your fault, is it?” She shrugged and nodded a little. Suddenly the sun broke through the heavy clouds, and shone through the big windows, lighting the whole room. Mr. Daniels sighed and closed his eyes with a content smile on his face. Haley instantly felt warmer and put her finally cooled down tea back on the table. She didn’t need that anymore.
She sat there for a moment, watching Mr. Daniels enjoying the warmth. No, he didn’t look like Aaron at all right now; Aaron never seemed to enjoy anything.
“I think it would be best for you to go home now,” he spoke, lazily opening his eyes, “you know, before the storm continues. Looking at the sky, I’d say it will soon. And your parents must be worried sick.” She nodded and jumped off the chair. He stood up as well and took the blanket from her. He led her to the door, and she noticed that the living room wasn’t as dark as she had thought. He opened the door for her and stepped aside.
“I had a great time, Haley. You warm my heart like I thought no-one would ever do again.” She nodded and smiled politely, not understanding what he was talking about.
“Thank you for the tea and stuff,” she said. He smiled and gave her a quick hug. Then he gently pushed her out of the doorway.
“Now go, before the storm starts again!” he said, and she started walking home.
When she heard him close the door behind her, she stopped and looked at the sea for a moment. Mr. Daniels had made her feel a bit better, but that feeling immediately disappeared when she saw the figure of a seventeen-year-old boy with white hair hanging just over his ears, sitting dripping wet on the beach, staring at the sea. She stared at Aaron for a moment. He was sitting with his back towards her, so he couldn’t see her. She couldn’t call his name, because he was too far away to hear.
She suddenly felt very tired and a feeling of sadness overwhelmed her. She felt the rain starting again, and decided to go home. She turned around and she felt the strong wind blow on her back, which caused her walking to be turned into running. She ran past the old, deserted house. She ran past Mrs. Ramsay, who was just getting inside, and deliberately didn’t wave back at her. She made a turn left at the end of the road and felt that her just dried socks were wet again from her stamping in the huge puddles.
When she reached her house, she grabbed the key, which she had placed underneath the broken flower pot and slammed the door shut when she had gotten inside. She went straight to her room, collapsed on her bed and without knowing exactly why, she cried.
She stayed in her room for almost the rest of the day. And when her parents called her for dinner she told them she wasn’t hungry. But of course they still made her come down and sit at the table with red, puffy eyes. They asked, and she didn’t answer.
After dinner, she went upstairs again, and lied down on her bed. She thought about Australia, about freedom. She couldn’t sleep that night. She kept thinking about everything Aaron had ever told her. She knew something was wrong. She could feel she was losing him, but she couldn’t understand what it was. She could just feel things changing. It was so frustrating. Outside she storm was raging on full power. She remained tossing and turning in her bed, until the sound of the wind and the raindrops against her window calmed her down. Then she fell asleep.

The next day she woke up with a terrible headache and her eyes felt swollen. When she opened the curtains she closed her eyes against the blinding sunlight. At least the storm was over. It was exactly what a Saturday morning should be like. She could hear a few birds sing soft songs. She tried to capture the sound in her ears, so she wouldn’t forget the sound during winter.
As the sunlight floated in, her anger and sadness left her heart. She wanted to talk to Aaron.
She quickly searched the room for clothes, socks and shoes and when she had put them on, she ran downstairs, almost bumping into her father.
He looked at her a little surprised.
“Daddy, I'm going to Aaron,” she said as she walked past him, towards the door. She stopped at his taking in a sharp breath. That was the sign that he was going protest to something.
“No, Haley. I don't want you to be around him anymore.” She turned around hoping to see his joking face. However, he didn’t look at her at all. He just walked down the stairs slowly, as if he felt like he had just made a very common statement. But she knew he didn’t feel like that. Mostly because he had been walking upstairs when she had bumped into him, not down.
“Why?” She knew it was stupid to ask as the word left her mouth. She immediately saw her fathers dark, hairy eyebrows go down as he screwed up his eyes. His big, rough hands turned into fists and he breathed heavily, making his chest rise and fall as if he was pumping himself up for something. And that was never a good sign.
“Why?” he asked as if he had to think about a good answer, “because he is dangerous, Haley. He has really bad ideas.” Her father gestured her into the room, but she tried to shake him off, which didn't work, of course. She didn’t understand what he was talking about. Why would Aaron be dangerous?
She didn’t get it, and that always made her mad.
“No! I want to go to Aaron. He isn't crazy, dad. He tells great stories!” she screamed in panic. “He tells me about Australia!” She didn't know why she had said that, and she also didn't know why her father suddenly let go of her, and why he was looking at her in shock.
“What has he told you about that?” His voice was low. He tried to grab her arm again but she was quicker than him.
“I won't tell you, ever!” She ran upstairs to her room and slammed the door shut. From now on she would never talk about Australia, or anything Aaron had ever told her again. It would be their secret. And as she lay on her bed she closed her eyes and softly repeated the same word over and over again: Australia.

It was about a week later that she was upstairs in her room. She had been reading, when she heard the doorbell ring. And when she heard aunt Sheila’s panicked voice she had immediately jumped up and walked towards the door. So now she was sitting there, pressing her left ear on the door, so she could hear everything clearly.
She could hear her aunt cry. She had never seen her cry before, so that got her attention. She quietly moved out of her room and sat at the top of the stairs. She tried to be as quiet as she could, but she had to place her hand over her mouth as she listened the conversation.
“ I don't understand. He could have just taken over William's business. I don't understand what is wrong with that,” aunt Sheila stammered. She tried not to picture her crying, but she couldn’t help the image of the pretty big woman softly shaking due to her sobs. And she could imagine the tears escaping from her eyes, and being caught by the wrinkles around her mouth, which would lead them down to her chin. Aunt Sheila was her mother’s sister, and only two years older, but she looked twice as old. She also looked twice as big.
“ It's okay, honey,” uncle Will said, and she thought he would probably be hugging her aunt right now. She could almost feel that wonderful feeling of his beard prickling her cheek when he did.
She liked uncle Will for that.
“ He'll be back. Our son will be back soon.” Haley didn’t know for sure if he was talking to himself or to the people in the room. She only knew that she suddenly felt very heavy, and she wondered if aunt Sheila always felt like that, and if so, she felt very sorry for her.
Suddenly something sank in. Their son. Aunt Sheila's and uncle Will's son. Wait a minute, Aaron was their son! But Aaron wasn't gone. No, Aaron was just at home. At home, where she couldn’t see him. Inside that huge, dark house, which used to frighten her. He was just there, and she couldn't see him.
“ We think he went to Australia.” Haley wanted to yell at uncle Will to stop talking. She didn't want to hear this. She imagined them talking to theirselves, in her living room. Them being craze. And she thought about how she would find Aaron when they had left, and how she would prove they were crazy, and lying.
“ So, what does Haley know?” She nearly fell down the stairs as her aunt mentioned her name.
“ I don't know. She won't talk to me. She did mention Australia, but she's young, she'll forget about it sooner or later,” her father said. And right after almost falling from the stairs, Haley nearly got a heart attack when she heard her father’s voice. Aunt Sheila and uncle Will weren’t crazy. They weren’t talking to theirselves in her living room.
And then she stormed down the stairs, making as much noise as she could.
“ Yes, I think it's good for her that he's g- Oh, Haley!” She could see her mother's face turn red, and all the other people in the room were staring at her with similar stupid grins on their faces.
Aunt Sheila didn’t look thinner than she had imagined, but uncle Will had shaved his beard.
They weren't the people of Australia, they weren't the people of England. No, for the first time she saw the tiny people Aaron was always talking about, the tiny people in the even smaller village.
And before she could start to feel small as well, she quickly turned around and ran towards the door.
“ Haley!” Her mother started to get up, but she opened the door and slammed it shut as hard as she could.
“ She'll get over it,” her father soothed everyone.

Haley ran as fast as she could towards the beach. The sun didn’t seem to warm her, probably because she was already boiling inside. She could still see a little of the damage last week’s storm had caused. Her neighbours’ fence had been destroyed by the hard wind, and she could barely see the road through all of the autumn leaves. She tried to let their colours make her feel warm and loving, but all she felt was emptiness.
She tried to cool off by stamping into the puddles of last night’s rain, but it didn’t work. Everything had changed. Everyone had changed. She felt betrayed and left behind, and she frowned at the home-made street sign that said ‘Oak Street’ nastier than she had ever done.
She walked past the deserted old house on Daniels Street, and she suddenly remembered something Aaron had said the day before the big storm and the visit to Mr. Daniels’ house...

“ Look.” He had pointed at the old house in front of them.
“ What?” she’d asked curiously.
“ Nobody lives in that house anymore,” he had said, as if it was the biggest secret it the world.
“ So?” She’d shrugged. She had seen him moving and she’d thought he was going to walk further, but he had walked towards the letter box at the entranceway, and he’d looked inside.
“ Why do you do that?” Haley had asked. The cool wind had lifted his shirt and had made his hair stand up straight. She’d thought it looked like he was being held upside down.
“ Well, maybe some-one doesn't know that this house is deserted, and sends a letter here.” He’d looked at her. And she had suddenly felt like he was expecting her to understand something, but she hadn’t.
He’d seen her frowning a bit, so he had continued. “You know, maybe some-one misspells the address, and the letter is delivered here. Or some-one may not be able to send the letter to a real address There could be something in there for me, or maybe even for you.” She’d looked at him in disbelief.
“There may be a letter in there for anyone alive. You should always check deserted mail boxes for letters, Haley. You’ll never know. There might be something very important in there. You have to take a look in it, Haley. Every time you walk past it, will you promise me that?” He’d walked towards her and had looked her straight in the eye.
She’d thought he looked so silly with his white hair standing up straight like that, and she’d automaticly grabbed hold of her own curls, to prevent herself from looking the exact same way. She had laughed a bit at his stupid story, but when she’d looked in his eyes she had seen they weren’t green like the sea that time. They had been much darker, almost like a Christmas-tree kind of green. “Haley!” he’d yelled.
“ What?” She’d panicked a bit as she had realised she apparently had been told something really important, and she hadn’t understood what it was. He’d grabbed her upper arms and had brought his face very close to hers.
“ Will you promise to look in this letter box?” He’s spoken very slowly and his voice had been low.
“ I promise! You're scaring me!” He’d nodded and had let go of her. His eyes had seemed to lighten up, and his hair had suddenly sat still on his head. And as he’d started to walk further towards the beach as if nothing had happened, she’d almost felt like she had imagined the whole conversation.

Now she was staring at the old house. She suddenly realised how much it had sunken already. The house was very beautiful, not as big as Aaron’s, but with the same big windows. The stones were light, and ivy-grown. She realised that Aaron’s eyes had never looked like a Christmas-tree. They had become the same colour of the ivy on the old house.
Without thinking she walked towards the letter box and opened it. Nothing, of course. She didn't even know why she had even looked, but she just couldn't resist. She had promised Aaron. And besides, this was one of those moments just about her and Aaron, one of their little secrets that nobody knew about. And the more secrets she had, the more she wasn't like the tiny people, because they didn't have secrets for anyone.
She turned from the letter box and walked away, looking over her shoulder to take one last look at the ivy.
Further on, she saw Mr. Daniels leaning against a lamppost, looking out over the sea. The fence he was usually sitting on had been destroyed by the heavy storm. He saw her and waved. She ran towards him quickly, waving back.
“ Hey, Haley!” he greeted her cheerfully. He smiled at her with his big, red lips.
“ Hey Mr. Daniels.” She had meant to sound happy, just like him, but for some reason she felt tired and sad.
“ Why so sad? It’s a great day, isn’t it?” he asked, and he crouched so that he could look her in the eye. He placed a strand of her curly hair behind her ears, like he always did, only for the wind to blow it right in front of her face again, and for him to do it again. She noticed how his hands didn’t smell like salt and fish this time. She wondered if he had been inside much. But like the question about his hair, something held her back from asking it.
And then she realised he had to have hair, because she could see a few light-brown stubbles on his chin and under his nose. She thought about telling him not to shave them off, because she liked the feeling of them prickling her cheek when he hugged her, just like uncle Will, but she decided not to ask and to answer his question first.
“ Yes, it’s a beautiful day.” She nodded slowly. He went to stand up again, and she suddenly wished she hadn’t said anything, so he would still be looking her in the eye. He stared in the direction of the sea. Aaron used to do exactly the same thing, but Mr. Daniels always seemed to look at something. Aaron had always been staring into nothing.
“ Well, I've heard about your cousin. I am really sorry,” Mr. Daniels said. Now he sounded sad, just like Haley. She wondered if that was her fault. She didn’t know if she should say something, so she just nodded at him. “Do you have any idea why he left? I mean, there must have been something wrong, right? Were his parents treating him alright?” Suddenly she felt very claustrophobic in the small village, surrounded by so many questions she didn't really have the answer to. Breathing became very hard, and she hoped Mr. Daniels wouldn’t notice.
He was looking at her with small, blue eyes. She didn’t see his caring love in them, the joyful sparkles; she didn’t see his almost childish curiosity. All she could see was her own reflection. “Has he said anything at all?” he asked. She took a little step backwards, hoping she air would be thinner or something, so she could breathe again.
She shook her head. “No. He hasn't told me anything,” she lied. Mr. Daniels’ hat was suddenly blown off his head, and as he bent over to pick it up, she saw his straight, brown hair just hanging over his ears, sticking damp on his forehead. And then he came up again, and the wind caught the straight locks of hair and made his it stand up straight, as if he was being held upside down. The wind made his hair dance in the wind. She felt tears in her eyes. She turned her head so Mr. Daniels couldn't see it. He put the hat back on quickly.
“ Keeps my thoughts warm," he said with a grin, pointing at it.
Haley nodded quickly, said a hardly audible good-bye and then she ran away quickly.
She ran as fast as she could, hoping that her feet would carry her out of the small village. But everywhere she looked were small houses and people talking. In Australia the people didn't talk, in Australia was freedom. In Australia was Aaron.

A month later the first letter came in the mail box:
Dear Haley,
I'm in Australia, as you have probably found out already. Thank you for not breaking the promise. I'll try to write you every month. I'm sorry for leaving you like that, but I felt like the village was strangling me, as you will feel one day, too. Australia is really big, Haley. Even when you think you understand how big it is, it is still bigger than you think. You see, it isn't just what you see. No, you can also feel the space around you here. When I breathe here, it's like I have held my breath for seventeen years. Oh, Haley, I do miss you. Every time the sun goes back to England I think about you, and I hope you think of me, too. I'll tell you some more about Australia now...
She looked around, and when she saw no-one watching, she put the letter underneath her T-Shirt.
She felt like she was most important person in the world, walking with something only she and Aaron knew about, and feeling it on the skin of her belly. It was pretty cold, and she didn’t see many people outside.
Winter had arrived in the village. The trees had lost all of their leaves, but she could still hear the birds sing in her head. Snow had been predicted for tomorrow. It was a good thing that it was winter, because no-one would be able to see the letter hidden underneath three layers of clothes.
When she turned left, into her street, she saw Mrs. Perkins just come out of the bakery and Haley was grateful that she didn’t start talking to her. She just waved a little, and Haley waved back. With her left hand, the other was holding the letter on its place.
The the rest of the day she read the letter over and over again. And before she went to bed she read it once more. She found a box in her closet, put the letter in it, and hid it underneath her bed. She sighed. She felt like she had just travelled across the world and back, and she let herself fall on her bed, closing her eyes. And for the first time in three years, her dreams about Australia were not the black-and-white cartoons, with the white boys who had sea-green eyes, but they were multi-colour documentaries.

Sometimes no letter arrived for two months, other times two letters came in a only one week.
They started with: “Hi Haley. I found a job today!” or “Hey. I met this girl today who looked just like you...” or “I’m sorry I haven’t written in a while...” or “Today, I really missed you really much...”
Aaron kept telling her about Australia, and all his adventures. He worked at a bar on the beach, and lived in a small hotel room. She dreamed about it all the time. At school she cut pages out of the atlas, and put it in the box with all Aaron's letters. She still went to the beach every evening and imagined what freedom would be like.
Her parents didn't know anything. They probably thought she had forgotten about Aaron and his, in their opinion, dangerous ideas. There were some times that she thought they presumed something. She barely spoke to them, or any of the other tiny people. She only spoke to sun, as it hung close to the horizon, and told it to say hi to her cousin. She felt like she didn’t belong in the village anymore. And she thought it felt great, because neither did Aaron.
For her thirteenth birthday Aaron didn't send a letter. She let her hand slide into the mail box and felt something far bigger than that.
Inside was a package rapped in beautiful paper. A little note on top said:
Dear Haley,
I took these. This is what Australia really looks like.
Happy birthday!
Love Aaron.
She looked if there was anyone around, and quickly opened her present. It was a book. As she started walking towards the beach, like she always did when she had gotten mail from Aaron, she took a look inside. The beautiful pictures made her heart skip a beat.
Aaron had taken a few pictures of himself, too. He hadn't even changed that much, although he had been gone for three years now. His skin seemed a little tanned, which made his hair look even more white and his eyes greener.
She looked over her shoulder, fortunately Mr. Daniels wasn’t outside. She hadn’t spoken to him for a very long while. Since that day she had found out Aaron was gone, she had been avoiding him and his questions. And when she saw he didn’t have his hat on, she didn’t even look at him.
He seemed to be inside more than ever. Almost as if he was avoiding her, too.
She turned her attention back to the pictures. She spend the rest of the afternoon studying every single one of them and the stories written underneath carefully. She noticed how the sea was even more green there than it was in England. The sun seemed to be completely different. But the pictures taken in the cities were the strangest, she thought. She saw the people walking down the roads with the same expression on their faces. They didn’t smile at each other. They didn’t wave or even look. No-one seemed to know one another. No-one seemed to look the slightest bit like the tiny people.
When she was done looking at the pictures, she put the book in her bag, which she always brought with her when she went to the mail box, to hide the letters. Reluctantly she walked home.
She grabbed the key from underneath the flower pot and opened the door. She was immediately greeted by her father’s yelling.
“ Haley!” he shouted as soon as she closed the door behind her. For a moment she stood still, thinking about what she had done wrong, but she couldn’t think of anything. She walked into the room and saw him standing with her mother in front of the couch. Her mother had a look on her face she hadn’t seen before. It was like she was trying to deny the urge to warn her for something.
Haley looked at her father’s hands, he was holding the box that used to be safe underneath her bed. She felt her mouth turn dry, and her heart started to beat faster. She dropped her bad and tried to look as innocent as she could.
“ What's wrong, daddy?” She didn’t recognise her own voice. Her father raised the box above his head and held it upside down, so all of Aaron's letters and pages of the atlas whirled down and scattered around the room with and all of the stamps and toys he had send her.
“ What are you doing!” Haley screamed. She started to collect the papers on the floor, but her dad took a step forward, grabbed her arm roughly and dragged her up. “Ow!”
“ Maybe you should let her go, Richard,” said her mother, while she placed a hand on her father’s shoulder shoulder. “We could just talk about it.”
“ I don't have to do anything! She has to tell me what this is!” He shrugged the hand off and grabbed Haley’s arm even harder. She hated when he did that. She would have a huge bruise on her arm for the next few weeks.
“ Go on, dad! Pinch a little bit more and it will fall off!” He let go of her arm quickly and she felt a bit of relief. But then he slapped her across the face. She was shocked and touched the warm spot on her cheek with her fingertips. He had never done that before.
Actually, she had never seen her dad this mad. She had never seen anyone this mad. She looked at him with tears in her eyes. Her sight was so blurry that her father looked like a huge, furious gorilla. Normally she would have laughed at this thought, but now she was just too scared.
“ Richard!” yelled her mother, but her father pretended not to hear her. The sound of her mother's panicked voice made Haley even more scared.
“ What is this!” he shouted with his face so close to Haley’s that she could feel his fast breathing. She couldn’t move for a few moments. “Well? Are you going to say something?” Her father bellowed.
She suddenly felt very mad. These were private stuff!
“ You can't just go through my room! These are mine!” she tried to scream just as loud as he had done, but her screaming sounded like whispering in comparison with her father’s.
She started to gather the letters again, but her father grabbed her hair, so she had to come up again. “Ow, dad! Leave me alone! This is none of your business!” she screamed, and she tried to release some of the pain by grabbing her hair with her hands.
“ Richard, enough!” Her mother tried to calm her husband down, but he pushed her away.
“ Where did you get these?” He pointed at the papers on the floor. She didn't want to answer him, so he pulled her hair even harder. “Where did you get these!” She started crying and bit her lip. She knew she couldn't hold on any longer. He raised his hand as if he was going to hit her. “Haley!” he bellowed.
“ Okay!” she cried, “okay. He sends them to the mail box of the deserted house close to the beach.” Her father let go of her hair. She thought she would be able to feel his anger drain away, but she felt the contrary. “Can I have them back now?” Haley asked. Her father grabbed both of her arms and shook her roughly.
“ If I ever find anything that belongs to Aaron again I will-” He stopped, shocked by his own thoughts. They stared at each other for a moment without saying anything.
“ They’re just letters. Why are you so mad about that?” He let go of her arms and kept staring at her. Then he sighed and took a deep breath again. He seemed a little calmed down now.
“ Aaron is crazy. He has stupid ideas, Haley. He thinks he is better than us. He felt too good for this village. He is stupid for leaving. Staying here would have made him much happier. Here is everything you need. I don't want him to influence you with his stories. He's a liar! You don't want to go anywhere, is it? This village is the best place there is!” She could feel he was trying to convince her, but Aaron had warned her for this.
She slowly backed away from her father. The tone in his voice scared her. Her mother stood beside him, nodding at everything he said. She felt something rise in her body. It began at her toes, and she could feel it coming closer and closer to her mouth. She tried to hold it back, but it was just too strong. And then it all came out. Word for word all the secrets came out.
“ Oh yes? Well, Aaron would have never gone away if everything was so great here! He is not crazy! You can quit the bull*bunny*, he has told me everything! He has told me about freedom, and about how the village will strangle me one day. He told me about what it feels like to breath, how it feels to do what you want. He has told me how Australia is bigger than I could ever imagine! He is not a liar, you all are! He told me about aunt Sheila's and uncle Will's plans! You can't do what you want here, because this village is too small! Everyone is afraid that people will talk about them. It is all a matter of pride! And for just a few years I wasn't one of the tiny people anymore, because nobody knew anything about me! And you know what? It felt great! I could feel how big Australia was, I could feel how I had been holding my breath!”
A tear rolled down her cheek, and more followed soon. Everything she had worked for was gone. She felt the same emptiness she had felt when Aaron had left. She knew it was over now. She was one of the tiny people again.

For three years her parents made the trip to the mail box every morning. When a letter came, they gave it to aunt Sheila en uncle Will, who had his beard back. But Haley didn’t like the prickling feeling anymore. Time was passing even more slowly than ever.
Everything changed. Everyone changed.
She grew. She grew so much that she sometimes thought she was going to burst out of the small village. She found out that her street was called Oak Street because the oaks that used to be there had been chopped down for fire in a very cold winter, a very long time ago. She called Aaron’s street Stephensons Street now, just like everyone else. The neighbours rebuilt their fence. Mr. Daniels died from a heart attack. She cried a lot about that.
And then new people came to live in the old deserted house. Her father asked them to throw all of the letters from Aaron away. They took away the ivy, so she she couldn’t remember the colour of his mad eyes after a while. She forgot to concentrate on the bird’s singing, so she couldn’t remember it in the winter. She forgot about a lot of things, but not about Australia.
She learned a lot. About trusting people. She learned how everything had an affect on everyone. She learned that sometimes, not understanding things is the best. She learned not to ask that many questions, because you never know if you really want to hear the answer. She learned how being silent was sometimes harder than saying the truth.
All of the days were the same. She went to school, went to work at the bakery afterwards and went home. Her dreams slowly became black-and-white cartoons again, with white boys who only had sea-green eyes.
Everything changed those three years. Everything but the sun, which was still travelling to Australia. Just like she would soon.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And there she is. Standing on the crossroad in front of the airport with her bag, looking at the black car coming closer and closer. And she is wondering if she can still turn back and take the first flight home. She wonders if she can turn back time to tell Mr. Daniels he should shave his stubbles. She wonders if she could call Aaron one more time to ask him why he isn’t at the airport to pick her up, like he had promised. She wonders if it is too late to take one deep breath and feel freedom.
But it it all too late. She sees the car too late. Her deep breath is too late. Everything comes far too late for her.
Even the young man with white hair, which is standing up straight because of the wind. The man with no stubbles on his chin. The man with sea-green eyes that aren’t staring into nothing this time. The man who is standing on the sidewalk yelling, “Haley watch out”, too late while the sun disappears behind his head.
To him she will always be a good memory, a sweet dream. To him she will always be the girl with far too many questions, she actually isn't anymore. To him she will always be the girl that followed him in the storm, the girl that pictures her aunt crying in her head. The girl that likes the feeling of her uncle’s beard against her cheek. To him she will always be so much, so big. Not one of the tiny people.
And to the rest of the world? She’ll be probably just a girl.
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