I remember the night we met.
We read at the bookstore and bumped in to each other.
We still laugh about it.
I gave you my number.
We spoke.
Conversations got deeper and more intimate.
Our likes became love.
Declarations were made.
Kisses of love and passion were exchanged.
You were my only hope for love.
I gave you all of me.
And you did the same.
Blissful nights for perfect lovemaking took place.
Showing our love physically as well emotionally.
It wasn't too long before rings became symbols of our love as well.
Years passed and the lights of my life were born.
As time passed by,stayed together ever faithful till our dieing day.
And as I stare at you for across the room,I see all the things we can remember for our future.
Just look back.
Author notes
I thought about making this a story,but i don't know.Please tell me if I should.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
-
Aww... this is so sweet and simple. I absolutely LOVE this!!! You should really be proud. This is sweet, and loving, and caring, and amazing. I love it so much! 
Frozen Angel is right, it would do better as an extended story, but this is amazing as it is. Good job!
-
Honestly, I yhink it would be better as a more detailed and extended story. It was a good idea, but I didn't feel like it had the fluency that a poem should have. It might be better if you use a rhyme scheme. Just some suggestions, good job, it has potential.
*Frozen Angel* -
You definitely should make a story, but it depends on whatever you got!
I really like how you put it as the beginning and to the end and the way the poem give me pictures. I had an imagery of a young girl and a young boy falling in love with each other and remained faithful in each other ever since. Now they are married and probably are having children.
It's just BEEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!!!!
I think you could write a story cuz your poem seemed to already set its plot for the story!
-
Well, it's amazing as a poem, but there's so much you didn't put in here. If you made it a story, small little arguments (if you had any) could be huge plot twists! I really hope you do make it a story, and if you do, IM me, cuz I wanna read it.
~Kevan!~
-
I think that it would be an awesome idea to turn this into a story! This is very nicely written, and it is sweet as well. Good job!
Adding your comment:
1 - 5 of 5
