R.I.P.
Arlene Janis Morane
1997-2007
Beloved Daughter
Sister and Friend
"I'm so sorry Ari," I whispered, my face streaked with tears of pain. Every day Arlene came to school with long sleeves to cover up all the bruises and cuts put there by her parents. They beat her and belted her. She told me that they were always drunk and they came home smelling like crap. "I'm sorry I didn't tell anyone when I had the chance. I'm sorry I couldn't stop it. I'm sorry...for everything..." I could've told a counselor, or even the cops, but I didn't, due to Arlene's pleading. "You didn't want to tell because you knew your parents would kill you if you told anyone. I know you thought that if your parents were gone, you'd have to go to foster care, but at least you would be here, Ari."
I sniffled and wiped away a tear that threatened to roll down my face.
"I'll never forget you..."
Author notes
Lots of things happen to those who don't report abuse when they should. They get beaten and beaten for no apparent reason and it's just horrible.
I advise that if you're getting beaten, whether it's by your parents or anyone else, you report it to someone. If you think you'll get into trouble, then don't worry, because if someone is abusing you, then they should go straight to jail.
Stand up for yourself, and for your rights.
A contest entry
- Short Prose by Bitter Irony.
165 points, ended July 2, 2007, 18 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Tell me what you think ^_^
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Sad...
The sadest part about this is that it's sooo true. Great job on getting the message across...
It's written quite well, but the *bunny*. I don't know if you typed it that way or if something went wrong with my filter. If you typed it that way then try using a lesser word like "crap". If it's my filter, then my apologies.
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Well, yeah I sorta put the 's' word so sure I guess I could use 'crap.'
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........ I went through that. Abuse, I mean. For a LONG time. And I know - I should've told much sooner, but thank goodness I'm okay. I did exactly what the Ari character did - I didn't tell - only I survived. This is a sad write, makes me cry because I know I could've been dead, too. Ugh.... Wow, this is an emotional write, especially for me. I like the last line, a bit cliche, but nonetheless very sad and effective. bravo.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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I'm so sorry. But I'm glad you made it out okay. How are things going now? Is everything okay?
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wow this is really good. i love it. its so sad and true! i love the way you use your talent to prove a important point, that some secrets souldnt be kept. especially if it causes harm. this is really good. i like your style of writting. keep it up! great job!
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Thanks a lot!
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You seem to switch from first person to third person after that one string of dialog. Was that intentional?
I like the plot/theme of this story: it's a powerful message that needs to get out there. I also like dialog: it sounds natural, sad without being melodramatic.
The story that you fit in between lines of dialog, however, feels very flat. It seems like you're just trying to give the reader background material so they can understand what's going on. See if you can get it to flow a bit more naturally.
Thanks for entering the contest, and good luck!beginning: 3, language: 2, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 3, characters: 3.
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Oh! I accidentally switched point of views! It was supposed to be first person, but I accidentally switched. Sorry about that, I'll change it right away!
Sure, I can take a few things out to make it flow more natural. Thanks ^_^
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