Dad: Good luck on your exam today!1
Me: Thanks, I'll be fine, I'm sure.2
Dad: That's good to hear. Remember, is the glass half empty or half full?3
Me: What? What glass?4
To me it's one of the most stupid and over used metaphors in the book. If there was a big book of metaphors this one would be under "S" for "Stupid". I mean, just how can any-one possibly relate my optimism and pessimism to a simple glass. There's far too many variables. I can imagine it now, some idiot sits down with a glass of Pimms trying to talk someone out of depression, while struggling not to embarrass themselves by mispronouncing the big words. Perhaps at the time they thought it was a pretty clever idea to use such a philosophical metaphor - but on recall I think the pain of such a stupid phrase probably forced them into suicide.5
Personally, I drink a lot of water. Water's cool, literally. Not the crap tap water either, I'm talking about the the natural stuff, it tastes so... minerally. If I saw a glass of Minreral water, I can assure you it'll be half empty. It might only be half empty for a brief moment - but it still will be nonetheless. Now, reversely, if there was a glass of something terrible peering up at me, like long life UHT milk for example, it would be half full. And as far away from me as possible. 6
Also, it really depends on the size of your glass. And what if you just think glass is unsafe and prefer plastic mugs? I think plastic mugs are a great invention, the person who first woke up in the middle of the night and thought, "Gosh, a plastic mug would be a great idea!" must be rolling in money now. Personally I would prefer a half empty beer mug than a half empty shot glass, there's way more left to drink!7
Anyway, if you do want to know how that exam went, probably not as well as it should have done. This was mainly because I was thinking about that damn metaphor all the way through the duration. And if you want to know whether my glass if half empty or half full (you're as bad as the sad bastard who made it up), I'm afraid to inform you that I haven't actually found my glass yet. I let you know when I find it. I'll post the shards of the blasted thing through your mailbox.8
Author notes
Just don't get me started.
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Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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RANT!...Me loves it!...My eighth grade teacher had this thing where she would ask us that if we we're down about something and my responce would always be: "Mrs. McDonkey...I took my glass filled half way...Tried to take it downstiars to fill it but I fell down the stiars...Broke the glass...Then thru the shards away...So here's the question...Is the carpet half way dry...Or still enevitably soaked?"...Needless to say the old witch hated me...Oh well...Just because I'm a sarcatic little smart ass doesn't mean shit...It will sure get me farther in live then knowing that A2+B2=C3...Wait...I think I fucked that up...Oh well...Great write...
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wow... really cool... i mean, how can you say half empty or half full??? what if you are drinking it, than half full doesn't seem so good, as your goal is to leave no water in glass... people who taught of this glass methapor were probably some freaks obsesed with glasses...
*iva* -
hahahaha a truly awe-inspiring weapon of mass destruction... i now see that the world is certain to be under your dominion in no time flat.
oh and if you still need money to fund your attempt-- i hear there's a great deal to made in the industry of massive death rays and incredibly powerful lasers. just build one or the other and hold the moon or a major metropolis hostage for as much money as you want.
or you could just keep asking people about half-full/half-empty glasses...
rock on!
-misnomer -
It can mess up even a grown man's thoughts! Glad I supplied you with a weapon of mass destruction!
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Wonderful, now I have something to torture people with!!! I shall forever more ask if the glass is half empty or half full before sending them out into thw world, LOL, just to mess up their world
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Lol, thanks!
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Lol, this is class, soneone said that to me one day, and I just said "it doesn't mean anything, go away!"
This was a great write, made me laugh, very uinique as well!
Great and amusing write.
Georgia
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