Jake sat there in wonder, watching the days of yesterday go by. How long he sat there, he never knew. They had taken everything from his previous life away. His family, friends, accessories, and clothing were all gone. He sat in the room with padded walls completely nude. Everything was white.
'Who am I' he thought. Jake's mind is entirely clear of thought. Not surprising as he has been without food for quite some time now.
Bangs and booms could be herd coming from outside. Jake never paid any attention to it. He was laying on the padded floor staring at the padded sealing, still trying to figure out who he is, when the padded door burst open.
Even though Jake didn't know it at the time, he was saved, he was free. His saviors covered up his nude body with a brown scratchy blanket, carried him out of his padded cell, past other padded cells, and out a big gaping hole where he saw the door close on him months earlier. He just realized that he was their only prisoner.
Jake was laid in a car and given brown bread, cheese, and water. He shoved the bread and cheese into his mouth and drank the water hastily. He had enough strength to look up and remember all of the bodies strewn across the ground. Blood was rushing into the river that led out to the salty sea.
The door was closed and he was cast into complete darkness. Jake heard the driver and front passenger doors open and close with a soft snap. Then the driver started up the car. He felt the car go gently out of the electric fenced prison. He twirled around in the brown scratchy blanket as the car traveled faster and farther away from his padded cell. Jake was asleep within ten minutes to the low hum of the car on the comfortable red velvet interior.
Author notes
I am unsure what chapter this should be. It doesn't seem to fit as the first chapter. Mabey I should look for some more of my short stories and try to tie them into one big one.
A contest entry
- GIMME DARK, GIMME SEX, GIMME WHATEVER! by sheatethewholeworld.
225 points, ended November 14, 2007, 13 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Ok, I'm changing this thing, give me somthing to twist my brain, surprise me, mess with my head! by Forgotten Anomaly.
500 points, ended January 14, 2008, 12 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Should I continue writing about this man?
Comments
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Hum, this was very intresting indeed. No it does not seam fitting for the first chapter, unless you put a prologe in or something. It was almost like reading a book from the middle. A very good book i may add. I will have to continue reading this, because now i'm intreaged.
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yes yes yes you should continue writing about him! im very intrigued and i want more. this has very good potential to be a story of its own but if you think you can tie it to a previous story without it appearing awkward then do so. well done here, nice write.
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I haven't read the first part or if I have I don't remember. *sigh* Ok, first run this through spell check and then I'm not sure understood the part about the bodies all around and the river of blood.
*shrugs*
I did like the first paragraph. It started to set the whole mood.
~*Brooke*~ -
This was an okay story. I liked the topic but I didn't feel attached to the charecter. the story lacked plot and I didn't feel that the story was going anywhere. thancks for entering and good luck.
beginning: 2, language: 3, plot: 3, ending: 3, dialog: 3, characters: 2.
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