The wind soared
The trees bowed
The grass wept
as a duck cringed
lurking the pond
for endless blessed
The clouds dangled
The sky colored
as arrays burned
crying greehouse effected
My sores of GOD.
Author notes
Book: The Colors Of Life
A contest entry
- Publishable Poems? by Bitter Irony.
300 points, ended July 2, 2007, 42 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
Interesting poem: it's certainly a new take on the subject. I caught a few typos, though: "crying greehouse" I think you meant "greenhouse" and "effected" was probably suppossed to be "affected." Effect is the noun, to affect is the verb.
What do you mean in the last line? "My sores of GOD" Why is that "of" in there?
"for endless blessed" I think you either meant "endlessly" or "blessings."
What kind of book exactly is "The Colors of Life"? I ran a google search but can't find anything that seems to fit.
My verdict: well, obviously it's publishable, if it's been published already. Still, if I were an editor and this poem was submitted to me, I wouldn't accept it with its current spelling/grammar errors. I like the subject and the way you approached it. Just fix those errors.
beginning: 3, language: 2, plot: 2, ending: 1, dialog: 2, characters: 2.
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