Hello there. My name is Samantha. I am currently 13 years old, though I have been, for a rather long time. I never really had a proper childhood. It was ruined by beatings and abuse from my parents. My dad was simply a drunk. My mom, driven to insanity by my father, turned to drugs.
I put up with it, until my thirteenth birthday. I finally snapped when my father took to hitting me with an ash tray. I was about as miserable as one could get. That night, I searched through our house's medicine tray and overdosed myself on sleeping pills. It worked.
I did not know why I remained here, until I realised my special abilities. No one could see, hear or touch me, or anything of the sort. But I could enter people's minds and find out things about them. I could cause bodily harm to others.
I know my purpose here now, to get rid of all those people who may ever hurt young children and rob them of their youthful innocence. I started with my parents. I feasted on their blood.
And so, my dear reader, even till now, as you are reading this, I am ridding the world of people, those who will grow up to be parents.
Has it occurred to you, that since you cannot see me, I might be anywhere, while you read this?
LOOK BEHIND YOU.
Can you see me? If not, then you are safe.
Just for now.
Author notes
This is my first attempt at writing a story like this, so I don't think I was very good. Please leave your opinion!
A contest entry
- Sasquatch Eaten By Albino Chupacabras! by necronomijon.
175 points, ended June 23, 2007, 6 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Scary Stories/Poems by loyda.
320 points, ended February 26, 2008, 15 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think!
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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wow, you actually made me turn around.
i was almost expecting to see a girl behind me.
very good writting, my friend, and thank you for joining my contest!
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This was a great topic, but I think it did lack detail, emotion, and good structure. If you spruced it up with more details it would be excellent. The story was short, which isn't a bad thing, but I think if you wanted to get this story into tip top shape it would have to be a little longer.
Great ideas! Kepp going.
Oh and thancks for all of the comments that you left me. I appeiciate it.
beginning: 2, language: 2, plot: 1, ending: 1, dialog: 4, characters: 3.
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i thought this worked quite well actually! i loved the bit at the end with the 'look behind you'! i have to admit that i did!
its a good idea as well. an avenging spirit, who stops people from harming others. a nice dose of spookiness indeed!
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Well done- just the right level of "tale told 'round the campfire".
And considering this is what you write "for a first attempt", I'm very impressed! -
I like the idea, and they way you interact with the reader, but I think you have lost some of the emotions that your normal style evokes, perhaps if you practice more you can combine the two, but great idea! Keep going.
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