She stands and she swears with a cigarette butt poking uselessly out of her teeth
The orchard is growing like nobody’s business and blooming with careless relief
And she walks through the trees and swats at the bees and blossoms wave in the breeze
She puffs at their summons and stomps the persimmons that burst with remarkable ease
Protecting her hair from the ravaging wind as her thoughts migrate inside her mind
from the various gales of thoughts; splintered wires that scream with their rages maligned
"i hate this place let me leave let me go far away what am i stuck a sad prisoner here
let me fly let me flee let me die someplace else let me explore every final frontier"
As her mind weather twists with a manic caress and a tempest of thoughts slam her down
Her fickle shoe strikes a fresh fallen peach lying perfect on top of the ground
She shrugs and she reaches (she’s always liked peaches) and bites with a fruit-lover’s lust
Her nose crinkles up and her eyes seethe and glare as she spits out the peach with disgust
The fruit, though its skin is perfect and soft, has flesh that is dry as a bone
She grabs the remains and throws it away and trudges reluctantly home
The wind whispers sounds as soft as the spray of the waves that pound foreign beaches
as if to say, “It’s your own fault you never learned the best use for dry peaches”
Author notes
"'Orchards are simple,' a peach tree says. 'Some of me will be juicy and some of me will be dry. I'm not growing for you, I'm growing because that's what I do.' You always hear people complaining about how dry their peach is, and the peach says, `It's not my fault you don't know the proper usage of dry peaches.'"
-Tori Amos in an Interview
....Now, I *think* the rhyme scheme is working, but if any of the lines seem awkward or anything, please point them out and I'll try to dabble with them. Thanks! :-)
Also? Tori Amos friggin ROCKS! Her new album is an absolute masterpiece and I've been listening to it non-stop and she's just...awesome, non-sensicle lyrics and all. Love her! Love! LOVE!!!!
In a list
A contest entry
- Fandi Contest II - Poems by Asfand.
175 points, ended July 11, 2007, 34 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
-
I love your stuff!!!
Girrrrrl.... you are soooo talented, I swear! No wonder you have so many trophies!! lol. They are well deserved to be sure.
I really enjoyed this piece alot. My only real criticism is that you need COMMAS to break up the sentences. There are also a few grammar errors, and the spacing between the long lines makes it a little difficult to read the way a poem should be read. If you edited this to fix those minor issues, it would be perfect!
-
oops!!
-
wow!! big, huge WOW!! i loved it.......this is one of the best i've read so far.......the rhyming was wonderfully done, not at all cliche, its a very uniqe piece, and ur a unique talent!!!!
i mean....its such great imagery!! the styles used were mind-blowing!!!
beautiful!!!
CRITICISM
loose the parentheticals.......the () they disrupt the flow.........they dont look good either.......
the one and only MISTAKE are needed commas............i was like...huh, there shud be a \comma here...oh and there......oh and there 2...........oh n there and there and there!!! u ned commzs!!!
other then that!! this was PERFECT!!!
simple lovely!!!
yay!!!
CHEERS and GUD LUK!!! -
wow!! big, huge WOW!! i loved it.......this is one of the best i've read so far.......the rhyming was wonderfully done, not at all cliche, its a very uniqe piece, and ur a unique talent!!!!
i mean....its such great imagery!! the styles used were mind-blowing!!!
beautiful!!!
CRITICISM
loose the parentheticals.......the () they disrupt the flow.........they dont look good either.......
the one and only MISTAKE are needed commas............i was like...huh, there shud be a \comma here...oh and there......oh and there 2...........oh n there and there and there!!! u ned commzs!!!
other then that!! this was PERFECT!!!
simple lovely!!!
yay!!!
CHEERS and GUD LUK!!! -
That was great. It was written well and had an interesting idea. There were a couple editing problem here and there but nothing big. Good luck in the contest and thanks for entering.
-
Wow! The imagery in this poem is just amazing. Great job!
Adding your comment:
1 - 6 of 6
