The familiar scent of alcohol disinfectant fills my nose
The thin gown I clutch around me tightly keeps my body cold
The paper covered exam table crackles underneath me
Here comes the moment of truth
The time I’ve been dreading
And at the same time looking forward to
I’m battling this monster
That’s also my best friend
I want to free myself from its clutches
But I also want to hug it
And never ever let it go
The scale looms tall in front of me
And by now I’m shaking hard inside
But I try to hold up a façade of being totally okay
Because I already know what the doctor will say.
“Weight doesn’t matter,
It’s just a random number on a scale
It shouldn’t dictate your day or how you feel”
Her words just don’t feel real
I’m battling this monster
That’s also my best friend
I want to free myself from its clutches
But I also want to hug it
And never ever let it go
Slowly I walk towards the scale
Knowing the number that I read could make or break my week
I can feel my heartbeat all the way down to my feet
Suddenly my stomach seems to be bulging out
my arms are swollen, my legs are logs
I try to tell myself it’s a distortion, an illusion, not real
But those words taste like lies nd shatter on the ground
I’m battling this monster
That’s also my best friend
I want to free myself from its clutches
But I also want to hug it
And never ever let it go
One foot hits the scale
Then on slides the other
I hold my breath as the metal clinks
And the nurse pushes the slider towards the left
Eighty-four pounds, I failed again
I’m three pounds lighter
But I’m not low enough
Part of me realizes sadly
The numbers will never be low enough for me
Until I free myself
From this monster I still need
I’m battling this monster
That’s also my best friend
I want to free myself from its clutches
But I also want to hug it
And never ever let it go.
I hate you but I love you. Anorexia.
Author notes
I'm interested in possibly publishing this in a magazine for teens.
A contest entry
- Publishable Poems? by Bitter Irony.
300 points, ended July 2, 2007, 42 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Good Job!
You totally surprised me with the last part actually...I'm not familiar with anorexia, so I thought you were talking about being obese in the first half...("Suddenly my stomach seems to be bulging out my arms are swollen, my legs are logs"). I assumed it about having trouble losing weight, & being self-conscious about it, before you mentioned being 84 lbs! That was a sort of twist to me, and then of course, it all made perfect sense! heh.
I think it's an excellent thing for a teen mag to be honest! It's so sad that so many young girls and women struggle with this problem, when it's so unnecessary. If only we could all just accept ourselves AS WE ARE, and not worry about what society thinks...maybe more of us would realize that our VALUE lies not in how much we weigh, but rather, in who we are as human beings, and what is in our souls.
Anyway... Well done. ;0)
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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I thought this was very interesting. I have never come in contact with any eating disorder but I somehow knew how the speaker felt. Great job and keep writing! Good luck with publishing it!!!
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When you punctuate, punctuate sentences, not lines of the poem. End sentences with periods, start them with capitals. Don't put capitals anywhere but at the beginning of a sentence. It isn't just your poem, of course, but it's something you should be aware of.
I'm not going to list everything I like about this poem: that would take way too long. :-) You have an excellent take on a very personal issue. The feelings of the speaker are very clear, even to a person like me who has never come in close contact with anorexia. I love how you kept your words simple and clear: there's no melodrama in this poem, and that's a very good thing.
There were a few flow problems within this poem that mostly have to do with stating things almost TOO clearly: "The time I’ve been dreading/And at the same time looking forward to" is too clunky--it would be fine in prose, but not in poetry. Try to state these things in a more subtle way. Instead of "I’m battling this monster/That’s also my best friend," try "I'm battling my best friend." At least get rid of the word "but" that comes in front of each contradiction: the reader knows it's a contradiction, you don't need to call attention to the fact. Please let me know if what I'm saying here isn't clear. Subtlety is what makes the difference betweeen a good poem and a great one: this is a very good poem, but I think it could be great.
Your target audience will appreciate the message, and I'm certain you could find a teen magazine to publish this, just as it is.
Good luck! Thanks for entering the contest!
beginning: 4, language: 3, plot: 4, ending: 3, dialog: 2, characters: 3.
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