A Kiss to Make It Better

Karen sighed deeply and opened her locker, smiling at the picture hanging on the metal door. Other girls had mirrors and pictures of themselves in that exact place, but not Karen.

It was a picture of her boyfriend.

“Love you,” she whispered, kissing her hand and pressing it against the photo. Lucas’s face grinned back at her from the paper.

“Love who?” Karen jumped and turned to see Patrick Hardie leaning against the locker beside her, looking her up and down. Karen quickly grabbed her English book and closed her locker, staring him down.

“I’m afraid that’s none of your business, is it?”

“Maybe it is.”

“I somehow doubt that.” Her voice was icy and uninviting, yet Patrick didn’t back off like most other people did. But then, he wasn’t all that bright.

Patrick gave her a flirty grin and reached out to touch her shoulder. His arm instantly retracted as Lucas appeared suddenly behind Karen. “Is this creep bothering you, Karen?” he asked, his voice low and dangerous. It was this protective tiger of a teenager that frightened Karen sometimes. He would do anything to make her happy—and keep her safe.

“N-no, Luke. Patrick was just leaving,” she said, glaring at Patrick. He scoffed and shrugged, not saying anything, and backed away, melting into the crowd of students going to class.

Karen felt Lucas’s arm brush against hers as he walked around her to face her. His piercing gray eyes searched her dark ones, and she looked away. She felt heat go to her face as he continued watching her.

“Did he do anything to you? If he did—“

“Luke, he didn’t do anything, he was just being annoying.”

“He almost TOUCHED you.” Lucas’s voice was full of anger and disgust. “If he had done that, I would’ve killed him. I would’ve hunted him down, and I would’ve—“

“Lucas,” Karen said quietly, urgently. At the tone of her voice, he immediately cut off. “Please.”

Lucas breathed slowly and deliberately to calm himself. Karen suddenly looked so small and vulnerable to him. Instinctively, he pulled her into a hug. Karen felt better leaning against him, having his arms around her and reassuring her that he loved her.

“Just stay safe, okay?”

“I’ll be safe as long as YOU stay safe,” she replied, and he chuckled softly.

“Fair enough.”

“See you after school?”

“That’s a promise.”

Two hours later…

“Where is he?” Karen paced back and forth in the front of the high school, worried out of her mind. Lucas was NEVER late… never. Did something happen? Why didn’t he call her if he wasn’t going to be able to show?

“Do you need a ride home?” one of her friends, Colleen, asked. She smiled gratefully and shook her head, and Colleen shrugged. “All right. Don’t walk home by yourself, though.”

“I won’t,” Karen assured Colleen as she walked off towards the parking lot. There was only one other person left at the front of the building: a boy with black clothes and darkly dyed hair that hung in front of his eyes. Despite Colleen’s advice, Karen was thinking that she would rather walk home alone than with a scary-looking stranger.

Karen took a step forward to go when she heard a voice behind her. “Waiting for your boyfriend?” She whirled around and saw the boy still staring at the ground, but he had pushed his hair out of his face.

“Maybe.”

“You don’t have to worry, I’m not going to hurt you. I’d never hurt you. Only jerks like Patrick Hardie hurt people for fun.”

“O-oh… okay…”

“Speaking of which, you should probably go find him… before your boyfriend ends up bleeding on the side of the street,” the boy continued, suddenly looking up into Karen’s eyes. One eye was completely blue, and the other was half brown, half blue, but there was something else that Karen saw: he was telling the truth.

“Oh my God,” she gasped. Her hand flew to her mouth in horror.

“He’s in the parking lot. Hurry.” He didn’t need to tell her twice.

/*/*/*/*/*

Lucas had headed to his locker to grab his stuff after school had ended. He had a surprise for Karen, one that he knew she would love. However, he didn’t want to ruin it; he was going to wait until he pulled up in front of her house to drop her off. He grinned at the thought of her face lighting up, and her beautiful smile appearing on her face. She was so perfect…

“Hey man,” Terrence Knowles said, giving Lucas a high five. “I need your help with something. You know how I’m going out with Katie?” Lucas nodded. “Well, I got her something and it’s in my car. I need you to help me carry it over to hers.”

“Jeez, man, I’m sorry. I gotta pick up MY girl in about five minutes,” Lucas said regretfully.

“Oh, that’s okay. It’ll only take a sec. Her ride is about two parking spaces away from mine.”

Lucas had a bad feeling that he’d be late for Karen, but he decided that he’d make it up to her if he had to. She was very forgiving, anyway.

After Lucas agreed to assist his friend, Terrence led him outdoors to the parking lot. The loud chatter and laughter of the other students faded into the background as the two boys headed out to the very back of the parking lot.

“Dude, where’s your car?” Lucas asked, laughing slightly. Terrence didn’t respond. “Terr?”

“Not back here,” he said quietly. Confused, Lucas abruptly stopped walking. Terrence, sensing that Lucas wasn’t coming any farther, also halted.

“What? What about Katie’s present?”

“There isn’t one.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Lucas saw several muscular football players step out from behind some cars. Among them was Patrick.

His head snapped around to look at Terrence. “What the hell is this?” he asked angrily, his voice rising. Terrence looked away guiltily, shifting his feet. Lucas narrowed his eyes at Patrick. “Why don’t YOU answer my question?!”

Patrick clicked his tongue and shook his head in disappointment as Terrence ran away. “You are one clueless guy, aren’t you?” Lucas didn’t reply, just standing there with a rage slowly building inside him. “It’s perfectly simple, Lucas. I want Karen.”

“Well, you can’t have her,” Lucas snarled, clenching his fists. “She’s not a possession, and it’s not like you’d deserve her, anyway!”

Patrick ignored this noble outburst and continued as though deep in thought. “Man, she’s one hot bitch…”

“SHUT THE HELL UP!” Lucas shouted, about to snap. “Don’t you DARE say that about her!”

“Whatcha gonna do about it, boy?” Patrick challenged, opening his arms. “You gonna FIGHT me?”

Karen’s face appeared in Lucas’s mind suddenly—no, it was really her! What was she doing here?

“Leave him alone, Patrick! Get out of here, unless you want to get caught by the cops!” she said, stepping between Patrick and Lucas. Patrick laughed raucously.

“You’re bluffing.”

“Wanna bet?”

His face darkened. “Get out of the way,” he said roughly. Karen’s eyes were cold and calm as she answered.

“No.”

“Move.”

“No.”

“Get the hell out of my way, bitch!”

“I said, no!” she screamed at him, and his face became distorted with fury. His hand lashed out, fist colliding with her jaw, and she stumbled backward. Lucas cried out in horror and caught her as she fell.

“DUDE,” one of the other football players said, sounding worried. “I ain’t gettin’ arrested by no fuzz. I’m outta here.” The others agreed, leaving the scene quickly. Suddenly realizing what he’d done, Patrick too backed away. He was gone before Lucas could go after him.

Lucas held Karen gently as she lay quietly in his arms. “Are you okay?” he whispered, not daring to open his eyes. She nodded.

“I’m fine. Are they gone?”

“Yes.” She wriggled in his grasp and he let go, helping her to her feet. He opened his eyes and gasped when he saw blood trickling from the corner of her mouth. Alarmed, her eyes widened.

“What is it?”

“You’re bleeding.” Karen reached up and felt her lip, wincing slightly. Lucas’s heart felt heavy, and he felt a deep anger at himself and Patrick begin to stir within him.

“It’s nothing,” she said, and Lucas looked at the ground. “Luke?”

“I could’ve stopped him.” Karen could barely hear him, he was so quiet. “I was right there; I should’ve protected you. My God, Karen, what kind of boyfriend am I?”

He was shaking and breathing unevenly, in jerky gasps of air. Karen felt tears in her eyes, seeing him this way. She walked up to him and wrapped her arms around him, squeezing gently. Lucas let out a shuddering sigh and returned the hug, resting his head on her shoulder. They stood like this for a few minutes, both on the verge of tears, before looking into each other’s eyes.

“Do you know how you could make this up to me?” Karen asked quietly, smiling a little. Lucas shook his head miserably. She leaned in closer so he could hear her. “I need a kiss to make it better.”

Lucas gazed into her eyes for a minute before softly pressing his lips against hers. Briefly, the two were lost in the space of that one kiss, forgetting everything else—then Karen pulled away just barely.

“Did I hurt you?” Lucas asked, concerned. Karen shook her head.

“I was just thinking how lucky I am to have you,” she told him. He sighed in relief and kissed her again. “I feel much better now.”

“I’m glad,” Lucas said, taking her hand in his own. “Karen… I was so scared.”

“Don’t be; I’ll always be there to protect you.”

Author notes

This was an idea I've had for a while, but I wasn't quite sure how to write it. Once again, I have some 'bad' words, but I think they fit with Patrick's character; since he's the only one who swears in the entire thing, it tells you something, lol! These are the same main characters as in "Live For Me..."

Was it realistic enough? To me, the part leading up to the 'fight' scene was a little rushed in pacing... do you think so?

A contest entry

PLEASE COMMENT AND CRITICIZE.

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments

1 - 22 of 22

  • Dassy
    September 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    THat was great. I love how Karen had to defend Lucas. It seemed more real than a lot of stories on storywrite,
    loved it!
    Keep writing!~.~


  • k8fairy
    June 30, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I like how you have the girl defending the boy, makes it a nice equal relationship.


  • SpunkyPunky
    June 29, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    i loved this story and it was very realistic. good job and goos luck.
    ♠Punk


  • Andrew Timothy
    June 29, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    It didn't seem rushed at all. this was good, though I liked the other one more. Don't worry about the swearing- it fit with the character. There's nothing here that needs to be fixed at all. Great job!


  • I Dare to Dream
    June 26, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    how sweet, a portrayal of how love should be! Excellent write!


  • sly fox
    June 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    ahhhh

    man that was so sweet. i felt atatched to the caracters. what i dont like about it is the fact that his friend led him to his would be doomed beating. why would he do something like that? it would be best if he explained before running off like he did.

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 5.


  • Little Blue Bird
    June 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Couldn't stop

    reading this. It was very realistic. And it may have seemed a little rushed but it fit because if something like this were really happening you would be rushing to put a stop to it. And yes the "bad" words were a good fit for the charactor of Patrick. Good job.


  • Rosemary silver member
    June 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Good story

    Nice writing. You did a good job with the dialog. It was very believable the way they communicated.


  • Rose Patrick
    June 23, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    this was a very good write


  • lalax
    June 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    ENJOYABLE!

    This is exactly the kind of story I like. It was interesting, too, because like another reader said, below me, you twisted up the usually cliche- guy saving girl thing. However I do feel the fight was a bit rushed...I would like to know where Patrick got the football players...Since Lucas seemed like such a good guy I figured he'd be popular...and football players would be on his side rather than the jerky Patrick? Just a thought.

    Great story!


  • magicalbeans
    June 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Awh. Your story is really sweet, especially since the girl is kind of the one taking the fall and not the boy, you kind of mixed it up a bit.


  • pearls
    June 22, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    aw this is a great read. so sweet.


  • tacobell4me08
    June 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I am sorry, this is over 600 words too long. I am going to have to remove this from the contest. Thanks for entering and i am sorry.


  • Asfand
    June 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    awww.....thats very sweet....

    i like the idea...its a entle, lovable and romantic piece- very well-written and beautiful!!!

    i love the passion both Karen and Lucas share for each other....especially Lucas...he seems to be like Soooooo In Love!!!!

    Patrick bugged me and i think everybody gets him the way u want them to get him,..... mean-annoying-pain-in-the-tushie!!!

    it was a very nice start and i liked it cuz it was a different kind of writing....its really simple but very touchy!!!

    the last line is really the output of passion and a lil bit of humor!!!

    Must say....i simply loved it!!!

    CHEERS!!!


  • Gary Alexander silver member
    June 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I think the story is...gentle. I don't quite see a great, critical conflict in either character.... The voice and the pace as well as the writing is even and well done. What the story needs is a stronger conflict...a little more character development, for all three players...separating them from one another...and THEME. The story needs a THEME which one can state in ONE sentence! the tale must bring some truth to us at the end of the saga of which we were not aware at the story's start! Think about it! Epiphany...Realization...moment of truth...CURTAIN! THEME! Fade to black!
    Good luck! (Try my tale of Ben Borden or Lucky if you get a chance!)
    Nice job, RT.
    GA


  • xhappyxrainbowsx
    June 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    AWWW.

    Romance. Yum. I heart this. Yeah, it was a little rushed in the middle there, but I still enjoyed it

    Thanks for entering the contest!


  • Aaez
    June 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    AWW....its so cute!!!!!!!!! i simply love it!!! its so romantic..and so shweet...and i think its what we need in this place filled with pessimistic stories!! ..admittedly i write those kinds too..but its always fun to read stories like these...i think yours was really really nice!


  • Kevan gold member
    June 16, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Hmm.. no, I really liked it. I think the kiss scene was the highlight of the whole thing but the fight scane and the locker scene were the most action-packed, climatic parts. In any story, you need both of those so I think this is good as it is. Keep up the amazing work and I'll keep reading and commenting!
    ~Kevan!~


  • DaMimster
    June 16, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Good

    i liked this story... it was humanistic.. the jealousy rage envy and compassion seemed truly genuine

    beginning: 3, language: 3, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 3.


  • Mitsuki-Sakura
    June 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I love this story (altho I don't know if it was realistic or not cuz I can't even write realistically) it's very well written, but my favorite part is probably how you used the characters from Live For Me.... I know I don't have very good criticism , but there really isn't anything to be criticized for! Keep writing
    Tsuki


  • InMemoryofCharlieJr
    June 13, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This was just sooo powerful! It really was. At first I thought that Luke was abusive but I was so wrong.

    I absolutly loved it, you should continue it.

    Can't wait to read more.

    Mem


  • jenni-veev
    June 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Awww! =]

    So this is pretty much amazing and it is very realistic. I actually have a friend who is sorta like patrick...the dumb doesnt catch on real fast thinks he can have any girl sorta guy. Though he doesnt have a temper like patrick, he is really passive.

    I loved how this flowed it kept my attention really well, i loved the character especially the shady stranger who was a blessing in disguse. =]

    Oh and i loved the ending it was so cute you dont hear a guy say he was scared very often, its always nice to see the other side (the guy needing the girl, just as much as the girl needs the guy)
    Keep up the amazing work and thanks for entering my contest.

    <3 Jenni-veev

1 - 22 of 22