July 4th, celebration of our country. The breeze blows in my face, whispering to me. 1
"Brittanie, your dad's on the phone. He wants to talk to you." Uncle Doug kept a soothing face.2
"Hello?" I said, trying to sound atleast half way normal.3
"Britt, we have something to tell you." Daddy had the most sympathetic voice I've ever heard; sympathy concealing pain and seriousness.4
"I want to tell her." Aunt Barbara sounded more sad than serious.5
I was thinking, Uh-oh.. who died?.6
"Britt, today when we got up to wake up Ian, he didn't wake up." My whole face just froze. I felt the tears pour down, but no emotion followed. I was confused; I mean, I knew he was dead, but my emotions didn't and I didn't want to believe it. 7
I gave the cell phone back to Uncle Doug and he gave me a hug and asked if I was okay, I wasn't sure how to answer because I wasn't sure myself. I managed to sputter out "Yeah." Aunt Doris saw me crying and got up from her recliner. She asked, and I told her. She held me with such delicacy as if I was going to break; I was some kind of porcilain doll that everybody tried to hold so I wouldn't fall and break.8
Nights went by, I started to hear women screaming. I knew it wasn't real, that it was all in my head, but it hurt my ears. The screams made me cry.9
Each night, I thought about Ian, hoping that my emotions would gain some kind of consciousness. Nothing. I'd make myself crying, hoping it'd help; but it just made me even more apathetic. I felt that I was pathetic and cruel for not feeling the pain that is gestured from loss. 10
I came home on Tuesday, July 13th. Dad took me to Aunt Barbara's. When I went into her bedroom, a steam of depression presented the room and it's beholder. Aunt Barbara had been in bed all day. She said "There's no point.", and she meant it. Everybody had been yelling at her, showing no sympathy what-so-ever towards the twinge growing inside of her. I felt no pity, just total compassion and sympathy.. I, too, have been in a situation somewhat like that; everybody yelling at you, and you're trying to scream out that you're in pain, but they don't hear, and they don't see, they close their ears and shut their eye's so they won't have to care.. and they don't.11
Dad, Brandon, and I were just about to leave, when Dad asked me to read his poem. I read it.. each word.. waking me up.12
I miss you13
By: Billy C.14
He was taken,15
early Wednesday morning.16
Didn't even know he was sick,17
no warning.18
I don't understand,19
why he had to go.20
It should have been me,21
or one of the assholes I know.22
Ian I love you,23
with all my soul.24
I should have told you more,25
I now know.26
You were our precious gift from heaven,27
but now you are home.28
You're running free with Elvis and Dale,29
we know you're not alone.30
I promise to be,31
a much better man.32
Why it took this,33
I don't understand.34
Ian I miss you,35
I miss you, I miss you.36
I want you back here,37
I'll always remember,38
your smiling face,39
so full of cheer.40
God be with you son,41
you are my hero,42
my number one.43
As I finished the last stanza, I cried. The tears poured; a waterfall full of sorrow. I felt it.. I felt the pain. Daddy held me. 44
I stopped going to see Ian by choice about a year ago. The sight of him made me depressed, and the thought of how he was feeling, made me cry. But Ian never really cried unless he didn't get something he wanted, just like any other kid.. but he wasn't just like any other kid, not because he had cebral pulsy, but because he had an outlook on life; he didn't take the little things for granted like we do, but he enjoyed every moment. There was never a time that I saw Ian cry out of depression. Ian always smiled and never wanted anybody to pity him.. and those who knew him.. didn't.45
Ian.. you made me smile.46
Author notes
This is a true story that happened recently.. R.I.P. Ian
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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oh love this is good that you wrote this, i still remeber the day you told me, i cant believe dad wrote that it made me cry i love you sooo much always and forever your my sister
JOsi -
wow, I am sorry
Great write though...
-
Very Sad
Wow. This is extremely sad. I've lost people close to me but never a sister. I don't have any brothers. He was a very smart person to not take little things for granted like most of us do. I am sorry for your loss. The end part where you said, "Ian, you made me smile" made my eyes water very much.
I could never imagine something like this happening to me, well, nobody really can. It's not like anyone wants it to happen. God bless you.
Tracy -
condolences...
can i read the story in the morning??? i'm sooo tired... worked 10hrs but my heart goes out to you as i can't imagine losing my sister... i thought of something that might make you smile or draw your mind to some peace for a moment... checkout Dirt-Road in my poems... i'll read your stuff tomorrow... take care though... 
goodnight
phil
Edited on Jul 16, 3:09 because 'spelt something wrong'. -
Bless you sweetie, this is a precious story and poem.
-
This is so sad. I know what it's like to loose a sibling- I lost one to cancer. But anyways, I'll be blunt, and I'm sorry if I make you cry. You'll never get over his death. I know this first hand. But you can atleast move on in a way. If it makes you feel any better, remember that one day you'll be with him again, and that right now he is in a better place.
Anyways, on the note about this whole thing...it was a real tear jerker. Well actually, it did make me cry because I remember my sister's death and such. But anyways, rock on honey!
Lillith -
this is the most touching and sad thing i have ever written. its great Ian had the outlook on life he did, im sorry for your loss. just reading this made me cry, as i imagined how i might feel losing a loved one; i could not truly imagine, but i suppose id react very similarly to u, just confused. i hope after time u recover and live on, life is a precious gift, we mustn't take for granted as u said.
-
Ah, damn, this makes me cry. I am sorry for your loss. I've lost someone very close to me and it just about killed me. I hope that you recover from this terrible tradjedy as soon as you can. Take your time and love yourself. Remember your brother with love and tenderness. Smile often, he would want that from you.
Good luck to you.
~*Destiny*~ -
This is touching and well expressed. I think you did a great job with this, and my sympathies are with you. Know that the lack of feeling you had at first was merely a coping mechanism, and that although physical barriers may keep you from your brother, he is still alive.
My best wishes to you..
~ O -
marvelous
Ah love, I am going to tell you that I'm sorry for your loss. Because I am. This was a beautiful, very emotional write. A year and some odd months ago I lost my baby brother-of-the-heart, and I know it helped writing and making art about him. I actually have a piece similar to this in my SW place.
Anyway, I really am sorry for your loss. Stay strong, for Ian if nothing else. -
Wow... I am not going to tell you that I am sorry for your loss... or any of that stuff that everyone tells you when someone close to you dies. I can tell Ian was a special person in your life, and with his sudden death...something was born...a beautiful description of your love for him and his love for life. A memory that will live in my mind of you and him. THis is very compeling and special. Keep dreaming in ink.
~*Divine*~
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