Our house is a motel for bugs. Year round it seems to have an invisible sign above it in Buglish proclaiming, “Come on in, they won't mind.”
And come they did.
At first we were amused if rather naive to the ways of the country bug, (but then we thought grass naturally maintained a steady two inches in height).
It wasn't so bad if an ant passed through, he has feelings just like the rest of us and is only trying to help his ant family--- oh look, how cute, it's trying to lift a potato chip. Here widdle ant let me help.
A ladybug or two, no big deal, we kept ladybugs in a jar in New York and after watching in fascination at their multiplying skills we'd release them in the park.
“Go free, ladybugs, go free!”
What a good thing we've done, helping the ecosystem.
Then a few years go by, Mr. Ant has brought along a few member of his extended family and that anthill on the porch has gotten pretty big, kind of resembles a giant red pimple, and hey, there were two ladybugs in the room, now there's five. Wonder how that happen?
Eventually we had to kill a few, wincing as their spotted shell were crushed or as we poured boiling hot water on the porch pimple. (Ant poison could poison the environment not just the poor ants).
Now we were beginning to understand the incredulous looks our friends gave us when we refused to kill a bug. Now we knew to kill a ladybug on sight because let be the ladybug will find a gentbug and then their multiplying skills won't look so hot. Now we knew that cayenne pepper kept ants out for all of two second, less if it was a windy day.
With all our newfound knowledge we began to feel less sympathetic towards the country bug, especially when the ants soon outnumbered us by so much we might as not have existed.
So out came the wasp spray (which works wonders on ants and ladybugs). who cares if we poison the earth and turn a few plant yellow, at least those damn bugs are dead.
Soon anything with more than four legs became our target.
“A fly! Get it!
Pfft.
“ Wasp! Kill it!”
Pfft.
“A beetle! Ew, ew get it!”
Pfft.
“A--- Die, die, die!”
Pfffffft.
“A butterfly! Get--- oh, it's just a butterfly.”
And we'd watch warily as it floated past, knowing that one day it too will try to invade our home.
The wasp spray (“Guaranteed to keep killing for up to four weeks!!!!) failed seven days later and the bugs came back wise to our ways and immune to the poisons. Now when we sprayed them the ants would look up at us, waving their little feelers as it saying, “Thanks for the shower, mind making that a little hotter next time?”
We began to realize that we were on the losing side of the battle and were becoming twitchy as a result. On a positive note we became quite adept in the art of kill-the-bug-the-moment-it-lands-on- your-skin and acquired instant reflexes to the tiniest tickle on out arm.
Finally, we reached the point of no return. We began to cackle gleefully whenever a bug was smashed beneath our shoe, hand, elbow or pencil point. Later, (usually much, much later), we'd wonder if this was how serial killers were born. Not by killing innocent squirrels but by sadistically killing evil six-legged things politely called insects.
Author notes
A mostly true story exaggerated for literary effect. Idea came about after killing four bugs in one night.
A contest entry
- Anything and Everything by SpunkyPunky.
225 points, ended July 17, 2007, 45 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Make Me Laugh!!! by Lover of Stories.
700 points, ended December 7, 2007, 21 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
-
I laughed out loud at the watching the butterfly warily part. It sounds like you've got the makings of the Arachnophobia goes to Green Acres screenplay here; you wrote it well, building up to the end in a great way. The gradual decision to kill, and then to kill with poisons, and then to slaughter every little thing in sight...hilarious! And yet so true. It all comes down to preserving your own species first!
What a great write.
When Mr Ant brings his extended family in, it should be members instead of member though.
-
Uplifting and cute, I enjoyed the story and how true it was. Something I think everyone can relate too. I almost felt bad for the butterfly, thank god it was saved. I loved the similies.
-
Aww, that sounded cute when it said how the liddle ant was trying to lift up a potato chip. ^.^ This was funny, and I liked the part where someone said, "A butterfly! Get--oh, it's just a butterfly" and where the ants seemed to be saying, "Thanks for the shower, mind making that a little hotter next time?" Teehee. Anyways, thank you for entering in my contest, and keep writing.
-
-
Hee, thanks. Those were all the parts I thought were funny too. Sarcasm. . .love it.
-
-
I like sarcasm too ^.^
-
-
-
HAHAHAHAHA!!
hilarious satire. very funny, I loved it. good job. well written, well described, well played (= you're talented AND funny lol
-
Lol, hilarious! I feel you. Argh, those stinkin' bugs need to die. I never understood why on earth people let them go free. But then again, I had an anthill in my room and a beehive in my attic, so...yeah, I may a bit biased.
Trying to lift a potato chip? Try swarming over a lemonade bottle with all its' little ant buddies. THE HORROR. Ew, bugs. I love the city. I only wish I lived in it.
-
A good one. I liked the interplay of frustration and anger. The humor part was also fun. Everything gels together to form a good piece.
-
Don't you wish you'd never left the city?
Very good use of dialog to cover the build up of animosity - this works well in many genres. Also, you managed to keep good humor whilst still showing increased frustration - as me old mum used to say "If you don't laugh, you'll cry!"beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 3, ending: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 4.
-
Quick Henry...The Flit!
Now that you have this awareness and have seen the light...why not take this a few steps further and write something beyond this little "composition." You can do it. It's a kernel...a germ...a nucleus. Don't let the ennui multiply like the ladybugs and ants...Fill your pen with FLIT...DEET and CAYANNE and do it! So far...so good! -
Heh!
This is pretty funny actually. lol. I gotta admit, while I was browsing stories, the thing that sucked me in was your use of the word "buglish"!! hahaha...that killed me.
While I try never to kill bugs myself (out of a respect for all life, no matter how tiny)...there are a few varieties I end up getting annoyed by enough to murder the lil buggers. lol. Mainly mosquitoes, flys, gnats, afids, ants (but only if they invade the house), etc.
I can't possibly count the number of huge, creepy spiders I've "relocated" outdoors over the years. Heh. (they eat the other pesty bugs for us after all!) lol. Or crickets, rolly bugs, beetles, moths, etc. I just cannot bring myself to cause harm to them, when they aren't really a bother. Heh. Plus...they're cute too!
Somehow...I fail to feel any remorse over killing bloodsucking skeeters tho. They deserve it! Heh.
Anyway... CUTE STORY!! Was entertaining.
-
out=our
I was browsing and got sucked in at the first paragraph!
I'm still mostly at "they don't mind" and what's wrong with ladybugs anyway?
We came upon our neighbor trapping rabbits to release in the wild at the beginning of summer and we thought he was crazy, that was before we saw that rabbits here are bigger than my cat and they can eat and eat and of course, multiply! Now our yard is rabbit harbor because we don't pesticide our weeds so it's full of yummy gourmet rabbit food!
Nice story. -
Buglish.... oh man. You had me at Buglish.
-
Welcome to the dark side fellow insect killer. Very good story, and very well written. I love the humor of it. I didn't see any spelling/grammar mistakes which is a huge plus in my book. Thanks for entering in my contest. You've earned a spot in the finals.
Adding your comment:
1 - 15 of 15
