He kissed her eyes and laid her broken body to sleep. The snow was still cascading, as the miniature casket was laid into the frozen ground. The wind gave a lonely howl. Burning ash from the mans cigarette landed on his cashmere coat. It ignited the moment before he slapped it out. ‘Shit, holy fu-’ he looked down to the small boy stood at his side, and his guilt increased tenfold with each tear that swam the relay; eye to cheek, to dimple, to chin, to coffin-top flowers.
It seemed the very elements were mourning the departure of his beautiful girl.
*
The cold water surrounded her as she gurgled her garbled prayer.
"Daddy"
She sank to the river bed like a pebble. Trying desperately to hold on to her killer’s hand her bruised fingers clawed at theirs while her tiny lungs screamed in the pain of being burnt by the freezing water. Slowly the murky water darkened and the hand let go.
Author notes
Umm this is really really short, it's a section of another piece I'm working on but will probably never finnish.
A contest entry
- Make me cry by Pudding-zilla.
102 points, ended July 22, 2007, 11 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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What a ghoulishly wonderful story- I should really rather like to read the longer piece it's part of, if it ever gets finished.
*hint hint*
beginning: 3, language: 4, plot: 3, ending: 4, dialog: 3, characters: 3.
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Wonderful, Another Brilliant write. You open the minds of your readers with your wonderful penmenship. Keep it coming.
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:'(
I love this...it makes me cry :'( I'm going to force you to finish this, y'know. -
You should check your grammar... lol. I think this is the second time I've told you that. Messy typer... "whilst" is awkward where you use it. "While" would probably be more appropriate. It's a good start, but the thought is incomplete. Great potential. You should finish it.
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haha yeah ... i will in the meantime i will hide behind a pillow shakeing for fear of incuring the wrath of the deadly grammer monster.
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lmao
Shake with fear. lol. Deadly grammar monster... perhaps you should hide from the spelling monster as well, though he's not deadly. He just spits at you. lol.
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