If Only I Could Die

I hate my life okay, there is no getting around that. There is nothing I live for. No one anymore now that they took her away from me. Oh was she a beauty. She was everything I wasn't. She was like this part of me I never knew I even had. I'm glad I met her and then it happened. She was on her way home one night and I was excited. It was our two year annerversary and I had this great dinner planned. Anyways she was hlaf way home when a Semi hit her car and crushed her to the guard rail. She didn't die right away, I got the call from some officer. I ran to her hospital room in hopes that it wasn't true. It was, she was crying and bleeding despite the pain killers and the wrappings. I knew I was going to lose her and so the world sucked all the breath from my lungs. It allowed me to scream only wordless and soundlessly.
She had died with in the three hours that I was there holding her hand. She had died watching me through pain filled eyes. I knew in that moment that I had lost the best thing that would ever happen to me. I ran out of the hospital, got into my car, and tore off down the street to the innerstate. I guess half of me wanted to die out there on that road like she had, the other half just wanted to find the man who took her away from me. The killer in me wanted blood, the lover in me wanted to join her. Guess which one won that fight?
I was dead for about ten minuets. They said that after that long I should be brain dead but I wasn't. I was lying on the cold concrete in a huge puddle of my own blood. My car was several feet behind me wrapped around a tree. I managed to get away from the wreck. I didn't crawl out though, I wasn't wearing my seat belt so I guess when I hit that guard rail I flew out the windsheild.
I was in pain but it wasn't from the gaping holes in my battered body, it was the fact that she was dead and I was still alive. It wasn't fair for me to suffer like this.