Aya

The sword went right through her. A deafening scream of pain filled the quiet streets of Lotus Valley. Aya collapsed to her knee's, the long sword still in her. As she fell onto her stomach the sword was pushed farther into her lifeless body. Hiroshi bent down and turned Aya on her back, pulling out her sword, now covered in blood. How could Aya be so stupid in thinking she could win a hopeless battle against Hiroshi, the most evil person in Lotus Valley.

I must tell you from the very beginning, or you will not understand how this horrible fate came to be.1



Aya a homeless girl, who had lost her mother at a very young age, wandered through the roads in Lotus Valley. The only thing of her mother's that she carried was a single necklace and her sword. 2



Her mother had died at the hands of Hiroshi, an evil man. He had killed her with a sword. The swift man had never been beaten yet.

He had tried to kill Aya also. He cut her arm, leaving an eternal scar. Aya had gotten away on a horse she had come to love. When he killed he mother and tried to do the same to her Aya was only 5.

Aya had seen every bloody detail with her own eyes. Her mother, with her sword made of gold, fought as hord as she could. Within a few minutes her mother was bleeding almost every where on her body. She dropped to her knee's with a pleading look in her eye's. Then.... she got stabbed through her heart.

At the age of 15, Aya had decided to avenge her mothers death, but told by many she was being led into a gauntlet like torture, she had waited another year untill she had felt ready.

Her mother's sword dangling at her hip, she walked to Hiroshi's hut with a will to fight him. He walked outside and saw her waiting for him.

The scene started to unfold. Aya struck at his neck but Hiroshi easily blocked it. Again she tried a weak spot but was blocked with ease. By the third try Aya had made she was exhausted. Hiroshi found a weak spot in her stomach area and stabbed thorugh her. The seen unfolded with a scream, a collapse, and an evil man winning.

The rain started to pour on Hiroshi and the now dead Aya. He smiled and laughed an evil laugh. The bad deed was done;never to be fixed.

**************FIN****************

Author notes

I am using two!!! Hiroshi and Aya.

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Comments


  • im.perfectly.flawed
    June 8, 2007

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    This was good, Alexander pointed out all the obvious mistakes here. Nice use of characters and plt line, ended a little abruptly but the information on Aya's history was good.
    Fix up the wording a little and the spelling errors and this is great.

    Thanks for sharing, and for asking me to read this I enjoyed it alot.

    Lady Madeline.


  • Gary Alexander silver member
    June 8, 2007

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    Be careful about spelling..."Week" should have been weak..."seen" should have been scene! And punctuation: "The deed was done;never to be fixed." Terrific idea, I thought...but needs "meat on the skeleton" and a little better command of the language so the "voice" comes through with all the pathos, sadness and drama you mean!
    Good luck, Evalyn
    Gary A