I Bring Good Tidings From A Broken Heart


A storm is approaching

But do not despair

I bring good tidings from a broken heart

You do not listen

Instead, you flutter away like the little bird I know you to be

I chase after you, but you do not come back to me

The wind thrusts you to the ground

Breaking your beautiful butterfly wings

I tend your wounds

And you promise me

You will never leave...

Lies I know

Yet I believe them still

Wanting just once

For it to be true.

I love you so much, it hurts to be doubting you

You heal

And you fly

Too faraway for me to chase.

I stumble

I fall

I cry aloud

But you mock me still

My heart breaks

My body aches

And I call out to you

It's too late you're gone now

Far into the blue

I hate myself for being such a fool.

Relax friend

Do not despair

I bring good tidings from a broken heart

The storm has cleared

And do not fear

You won't remember me.

Just self expression. If you like it that's good otherwise...don't have to comment.

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Comments


  • Gary Alexander silver member
    June 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I'd get rid of the first "but"...
    Watch phrase cliches like: "good tidings"
    Again...another "but" ("but you do not come back to me")
    "butterfly wings" (not quite cliche...but overused)
    tend you wounds...another hackneyed phrase.
    "I love you so much it hurts?" Get rid of this.
    "My heart breaks!" Round file this!
    "Body aches?" Ditto (PLEASE!)
    "Good tidings and broken heart"...AGAIN?

    Try it again...same thought and feeling...but change some of those phrases and overdone lines! Really! Try! It's worth it.
    GA

    • Gary Alexander silver member
      June 8, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Gary Alexander
      right now
      ?
      Edit | Reply How could I know anything about your poem before I read it? I tried to give you some sincere constructive criticism. If I missed something...I missed something. Sorry. Don't be so sensitive. And if you are...why even bother to post your work? Just look at it yourself and be happy!
      Sorry if I offended you.
      GA

    • Gary Alexander silver member
      June 8, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      How could I know anything about your poem before I read it? I tried to give you some sincere constructive criticism. If I missed something...I missed something. Sorry. Don't be so sensitive. And if you are...why even bother to post your work? Just look at it yourself and be happy!
      Sorry if I offended you.
      GA