The starlit night was forever dark.
Angels guide the fire.
The flames licking in the sky burning a charcoal mark,
all through Heaven's Highest Tire.
We all stand alone,
gazing on the gods awesome power,
but as mortals do, we do nothing but hide and cower.
Author notes
I just love this little poem, very powerful. Please comment.
A contest entry
- Short Poetry by Bitter Irony.
165 points, ended June 15, 2007, 26 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Publishable Poems? by Bitter Irony.
300 points, ended July 2, 2007, 42 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Oh.. Yay for battling angels!
My only question is the first line seems a pardox, starlit and dark? Maybe the darkness is a metaphor, but it;s hard to discern,
Also, Tire..Do you mean Tier? -
I commented on this already for the short poetry contest, now I'm going to comment for the "Publishable?" contest.
First of all, why did you switch from past tense in the first line to present tense in the second?
I love the message. Obviously, you couldn't expand on it much for the short poetry contest: but for the "publishable" contest, I suggest taking your last line and adding a bit more to it. This could almost be the first stanza of a longer poem.
Thanks for entering the contest, and good luck!beginning: 2, language: 2, plot: 3, ending: 4, dialog: 2, characters: 3.
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I guess you're right. I was thinking I could expand it, but I didn't know really how. So I may do that.
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Wow, I really like it. It is very powerful and very meaningful. Keep up all the great work! Oh, and good luck with that contest.
~Kevan!~
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You are right, that poem is very powerful. I think that it is very cool. It is so simple yet so massive at the same time.
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Nice, creative and original. Thanks for entering the contest, and good luck!
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