The Eradication


“Michael, wake up.”

The Doctor rolled over in his bed, squinting to see who was talking. Ah yes, his two-years-and-going girlfriend. She sat in an armchair directly across from their bed, looking somber at him.

“I’m not like you.”

“I’ll say,” the Doctor replied.

“You don’t understand, I’m not like you at all.”

“Are you mad, woman?” the Doctor asked Persis.

“They sent me on a mission, me and several others.”

“Persis, are you feeling well? What…oh my God. What is wrong with your eyes?!?”

Persis’s eyes were pulsating black. She no longer had an iris in her eyes. The deep blue that was once there had been replaced by a darkness as pure as onyx. She had the wide eyes that one might compare a cat to.

“The Messengers, we… we’ve come to a decision, we brought our information to the Pantheons and it was an unanimous decision. Your race has lost the Pantheon’s trust.”

“Pantheons? You mean like mythology? Persis, what did you do last night?”

“NOT MYTHOLOGY!” Persis roared “Truth... The children of Cronus, Re, Odin, and many, many others. It was a difficult decision, but it had to be made,” Persis said in a trancelike voice.

“Persis, I think I should take you to the hospital,” the Doctor stood up and put on some slacks and a shirt. He reached over to Persis to help her get up.

“NO!” She screamed in a banshee-like voice. The Doctor was thrown back against the wall by Persis’ sheer willpower.

The Doctor looked at Persis in shock. Her dark Indian skin had lightened to a fair complexion. The deep, almost black, brown that her hair had once been had been altered to an auburn-esque shade instead.

“P-Persis?” the Doctor stuttered.

“I’m sorry about that,” she said in a quiet tone, “I’ve never been able to control myself completely while traveling through states.”

“Wh-what are you?” the Doctor asked fearfully.

“My real name is Persephone, and I am a Goddess.”

“This is insane, this is BLOODY INSANE!” yelled the Doctor, “I must be dreaming, I-I, maybe I had too much to drink last night.”

“Doctor…doctor…come here,” whispered Persephone. The Doctor leaned in closer to her, and then he felt a sharp sensation across his face as she slapped him. “You are not dreaming, now I suggest that you sit down and listen, because there isn’t much time left.

“You see, thousands of years ago, my Pantheon had been looking for a place that we could link our world to. This place needed to be able to sustain life, and have some life already on it. Along the way, 8 other Families decided to join up with us on this quest for a planet.

“We finally discovered this planet, and also learned that it already had some inhabitants, the first humans. They were battling a great mass of Chaos, and without our assistance, your race would have perished way back then. In return for defeating the Chaos, we simply requested that your people worship and follow us.”

“I can’t believe I am listening to this…” the Doctor mumbled.

“Over the centuries,” Persephone ignored the Doctor, “Our lives became intermingled, and all of the separate Pantheons found their own region to control. My family found the nation of Greece, while the children of Re found a territory called Egypt. Odin’s clan found the northern reaches of Europe, just about the time when the family of Olorun settled in Africa. Vishnu’s kinship found a tribe of humans in India, and the lineage of the Jade Emperor found a settlement to the west of them, in China. The descendants of Yingarna settled on a large island and educated the Aborigine people. Meanwhile, on the opposite side of the world, the children of A’akuluujjusi took control of the northern half of that land. South to them, the family of Hunab-Ku taught the Mayan clan.

“One day, the people began to ask for their freedom. They wanted Earth to themselves, knowing that we had our own plane of existence that we lived on. The Pantheons assembled a meeting at Olympus, and the majority of the 9 Families agreed to allow the humans to control Earth. The clan of Hunab-Ku was glad to leave, as they had disliked humans very much. They felt that the humans had not fully grasped the technology we gave them. The rest of the Pantheons simply believed that your people were very intelligent, and would take care of Earth. The only Pantheon that had opposed this decision was the family of Vishnu. They didn’t believe that your kind could take care of this world. The other Pantheons decided to allow them to keep in contact with humans, but it had to be kept to a minimum.

“Before the eight other families left, they created barriers to prevent the family of Vishnu from disobeying their pact. As promised, we had not had any contact with the humans for more than 2000 years. We had truly believed that you people were taking care of this Earth. The family of Vishnu had contacted us a few years ago, and informed us of Earth’s current condition. We didn’t believe them, because we were so sure that humans had evolved from such destructive behavior. The family of Vishnu convinced us to send our own agents to Earth. We all took on corporeal forms, the majority of us humans.

“I couldn’t believe what I had seen. The history of the Nine Families had been abandoned and dismissed as nothing but mythology. Apparently a bunch of oafs just thought of the Pantheons as reasons for why the sun is bright! The majority of your race has found a new god to worship! The Nine Families have never even heard of her! We aren’t denying her existence; just that she has never revealed herself to us.”

“Now, just a minute,” the Doctor started, after staying silent for so many minutes, “Just because we haven’t worshipped you for a long time doesn’t mean we are some sort of foul species!”

“Then tell me why you murder! Your people believe that they are an advanced life form, capable of many great feats, yet they continue to slaughter each other over petty squabbles! How far have you truly advanced, when you continue to lead countless bloody wars?

“Do you not poison yourselves to the point where you have permanent damage and death in many cases? Filling up your body with harmful toxins just to give your mind a rush for a few minutes? You continue to steal and lie, just to get along. As long as you are ok, then that is fine. It doesn’t matter who else is hurt in the process. You scam your way out of situations just to promote your own wellbeing.”

“Just because some of the human population is corrupt doesn’t mean that you should condemn everyone for it,” the Doctor argued.

“You sure are one to talk. Do not even try to patronize me about being corrupt. I know how you really received that promotion.”

The Doctor’s eyes went wide.

“You thought you had deleted all of the evidence? I don’t need evidence…I can see it all inside that large cranium of yours. I know how you stole Doctor Fabrizi’s work and results to publish your own thesis. Doctor Fenix, I know much worse things about you though. Even the…adultery,” her voice went low.

“I-I’m sorry,” the Doctor managed to stutter.

“You see Doctor…when I was Persis, I really was human. I had a mind and a heart and a soul. I believed in all of the emotions that your species has been blessed with. I had real feelings when I was Persis. I had even loved you. But now I am no longer Persis, and those feelings have changed. I know that I won’t ever feel that way about you now.

“The Nine Families gave you humans the greatest gift of all, a place that could sustain life. Instead, you chose to fill it up with gases that erode Earth’s only layer of protection. You have killed countless species of other creatures, because you believe to be the superior species. You were just like that at one time, you know. If some of those species were given the chance to evolve further, this planet would have been blessed. Instead, you killed them because you liked wearing their coat as a coat of your own!

“This planet’s natural habitats have been pummeled by humanity’s destructive nature for such a long time now. We gave you forests covering entire continents, and you do the exact opposite of what is expected of you. We had believed that you would find a way to live with the forest, not obliterate it. We had meant for you to work your way into the forest, living among the trees and flowers. Instead, you cut them down, and build homes with the carcasses of nature.

“Not only do you treat other species with disrespect and inferiority, but you do not even treat your own people with dignity! For hundreds of years the followers of the family of Olorun, have been separate from their own families, and sold as common objects. They were subjected to horrible pain and misery, because other humans were too lazy to do it themselves. Why, it has been barely fifty years since they were granted rights! It took you THAT long to realize that they weren’t so different after all?

“You abuse your people, physically and sexually. Instead of finding a peaceful way to release your anger, you choose to shatter other people’s mind and lives. These people are completely innocent, but you are so full of barbaric rage that you could care less. You abuse them whether they like it or not. As long as it pleases you and fulfills your internal needs, that is all that you think is necessary.”

The Doctor looked up at Persephone, with flashes of fear rolling across his face. His hands were quivering madly, and he had become extremely pale. “Y-yes, I will admit, we as a human race our flawed, but that doesn’t mean that we aren’t improving.”

“I agree with you their Doctor, you are improving, and there is no doubt of that. The problem is that your race has no chance of survival. You will not be able to fix the damage that you have brought upon yourselves. Your world is dying, and you will not be able to save it,” Persephone said calmly, “We, as the Nine Pantheons of Earth, have realized the error of our ways. It is not your fault. We have now become conscious that it was not right to save you from the Chaos on Earth so long ago. You are a flawed species, Doctor. If anyone is to blame, it is the Pantheons’ for rescuing your race. We send our sincerest apologies.”

Persephone’s eyes were becoming glazed. Her voice had sounded…different. It sounded more like thousands of voices, instead of just one person’s.

“We will start new life on Earth. Using the other animal’s that aren’t affected. We send our sincerest apologies. This was not an easy decision. We realize our mistake. We are fixing our mistake. Our mistake will be taken care of. The time has come. We send our sincerest apologies.”

Persephone’s eyes were pure white again. In fact, they were glowing. They radiated the bedroom. Out of Persephone’s heart arose thick black rings. These rings started surrounding here, starting from her feet up. As they neared her head, the Doctor saw a flash of a familiar person.

“Michael…” she whispered.

“Persis?!?” the Doctor asked excitedly.

The rings formed a casket around Persephone. When it reached the tomb, they all melted into one form. Then the casket became disfigured, and continued to warp. It started shriveling up, until a flash came. The casket was gone, with no trace of Persephone or Persis. The Doctor searched frantically underneath the armchair and all around. He needed to find some sort of clue as to what had just happened.

A thunderous roar boomed outside. The bedroom windows had shattered from the piercing sound. The Doctor looked outside, to see people and cars thrown back. Everything down below was completely disoriented. Terror quickly arose, as people started screaming right away. A great rumble arose as darkness spread across the many cities of Earth. The voice of humanity had spiraled into a paralyzing silence.

The Eradication of Mankind had begun.

Author notes

These are the Nine Families and their corresponding civilizations.

Zeus - Greek
Re - Egyptian
Odin - Norse
Olorun - African
Vishnu - Indian
Jade Emperor - Chinese
Yingarna - Oceania
A'akuluujjusi - North America
Hunab-Ku - Mayas

A contest entry

Any improvements I could make? I am not sure if I want to continue it or not, because I kind of like it leaving it at a cliffhanger, where the reader gets to use their imagination to complete it. :)

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Comments

1 - 12 of 12

  • IrishYndina Greeters member
    February 29, 2008

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    A very enjoyable read, and with a very good message for anyone reading it! I just so happen to have a strange fascination with Persephone...*laughs* I like the mythology background you've used, and the way you've incorporated many cultural pantheons as families instead of saying one or the other is right. As others have said, this would be sufficient as a short story on its own, but I also think you could continue it (from either before or after) and make it a lovely longer piece. There were a few typos throughout - one tip for finding them is reading the story sentence by sentence backwards, so the soryline doesn't distract you. Overall, nicely done and a great story. Cheers!


  • SignifyingNothing
    February 25, 2008

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    This is really good, and I think it is sufficient as it is. Adding too much might lesson its impact. I really like the idea of this. Only thing that confused me a lot - when you said of the new religion, "You have found a new God" and then referred to that God as "her." The only new God I think you can be referring to is the Christian God, and that God is referred to as a He, not a She. I don't believe I have ever heard of any new faith (besides perhaps the Wiccan's, which is in reality an old faith) that worships a female God, and the Wiccans are still small. It has been the Christian God that has taken over the pagan religions in Europe, America and much of South America. So was that a typo?

    I also think this might benefit from a bit more description. There was a lot of dialog- I liked the way you did it, but breaking it up with a little more action and description might be helpful.

    Overall, nice job.


  • Star-Vomit
    February 24, 2008
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    There are a bit of improvements you can make, but I love the whole cliffhanger concept! Kudos!


  • Oblivion Kitty God silver member
    October 18, 2007

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    The use of almost constant dialogue in place of actual narration and detail draws away from the story and makes it feel more like a soap opera than anything else. It's an interesting story, but one that could do with a bit of an overhaul. Add depth to your characters, use narration to give decent discriptions of your characters. Don't just tell the reader all this, bring them into slowly, piece by piece. Expand this work and deepen it, make it impossible for someone to read the first paragraph and not read on to the last.

    So far a good start. Keep up the work.


  • Leslie Jo
    July 6, 2007

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    this is good. i like the different families of worshipped gods. your religious history is quite good too. great job. are you planning to continue it?
    love it
    LJ

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • KindlyUnspoken
    July 2, 2007

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    It's a very interesting plot. I think you should continue it. It would make for an interesting read. The ending was a great cliffhanger. Write more I would enjoy reading it =)

    beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 4.


  • Kelly2heart
    July 2, 2007

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    I liked it, very interesting plot.
    I agree, I think the Dr showed shock a little too soon, some occational spelling.
    There was one line that kind of repeated:

    "...We send our sincerest apologies. This was not an easy decision. We realize our mistake. We are fixing our mistake. Our mistake will be taken care of. The time has come. We send our sincerest apologies.”



  • eyeambaldman
    June 28, 2007

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    This was an interesting story. There are some awkward wordings here and there. Also, when you use numbers in a sentence you spell out the number if it's in dialogue.

    I thought the Doctor's reaction in the first few lines of dialogue when he says, "Are you mad, woman?" was a bit of an overreaction. All Persis says is that she's not like him. That could mean a LOT of things...but I don't think it would warrant that reaction.

    Interesting to see all various gods of different beliefs and cultures in here...very good job.

  • Kitzwa
    June 21, 2007

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    Wow very nice job. This sure is quite an original story, and I agree with the points you bring up about how flawed humans are. I really like how you incorporated mythology and the beginning of the human race into the apocolypse. Your story is definetly in the finals. Thank you for entering my contest.

  • The Cadmanator
    June 21, 2007

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    It was good, I can't really find anything to criticise. I'm actually intrigued as to what will happen next, but if you wish to keep it a cliff hanger then that's fine by me. (C:| good job.

    The Cadmanator (C:|


  • EmeraldDreams
    June 12, 2007

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    i really enjoyed this piece. i like the tension and fear you have written so well into it. i also enjoyed that cliff hanger of an ending!


  • Eternal Twilight
    June 8, 2007

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    I thought it was awesome. The storyline was cool and creative. It reminded me slightly of a book called "The Lightning Thief". It was had great dialogs and description. Good luck in the contest!

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