Still beneath the sun

As I sat in my bed, the moisture of the mattress started to make my pants a little wet, as my tears fell as well, flowing down my face; I couldn’t stop shaking, moaning in the dark, waiting for a way out, waiting for the finishing stab.

Her words I was unconsciously repeating, like a ditched radio, as cold rivers of silver fell down my eyes. My back was arched down, my hair was wet, and while I wept in the dark, she flew away to another country, she wouldn’t tell me why.

I knew our relation was over, but I could still feel her scent in my clothe, as the flowers I was going to give her were rotting in a corner, she wouldn’t take them, she said she didn’t deserve them. I could see her smiling in my dreams, as time passed and marked my skin, I thought of her more and more, desiring to find her again, to tell her I was sorry, and hold her between my arms again.

A rotting picture of her I put next to my bed, just to torture myself: I always woke up and the first thing I saw was her picture, I could do nothing but to feel cold and empty inside, rotting for the end of all suffering, as if I had a cold steel dagger deep in my guts. That was the first sorrow, that evolved into the end.

Pain was diluting over crying slowly, until she was just a sad memory that passed by my mind when I woke up, but life was shining over me once again. The warmth of summer and spring brought heat to my spirit, and I was chained to the sea, I think it was because of how blue the eyes of my lost lover were, as fast as I blinked my eyes, I could for a second see her there, next to me.

I felt complete when I was in the shore, watching people dive into the greatness of nature, the wet embrace that was delivered to us once. My eyes twitched once, as I saw a girl whose hair shone in a red glow, making even the sun feel envy for her.

I fell into a sweet comma, awake but not living, as I thought of her once again, I was staring at the girl, as she started going deeper in the water, until I could just see the red hairs floating there; seconds of peace, she didn’t move.

A glance through the surround, I saw a women in her middle sixties covering her mouth, crying and shouting for help, as she pointed with her shaking finger to the water, she was the mother of the red angel, and the soul that was bringing me to life again, was drowning in the blue sea.

As fast as I could, I stood up and rushed into the cold blue velvet, as I hurt my feet with the rocks in the way, and the hot sand polishing my feet in pain. I reached her a minute later, she was still breathing, but she was cold as a tomb, and coughing water.

As I headed to the sand, I saw the life I was saving: her hair was darker because it was wet, but yet, as beautiful as it was before; she was looking at me deep in my eyes, she had hers injected with blood, her skin was perfect, white as the moon and soft as a new born’s, but somehow I felt like she was empty in her inside, I felt afraid of what happened to her.

The old lady ran to me with her flip flops, as she moaned her name in pain. Eleanor was her name, and her name became her requiem, for she died as soon as she saw her mother, she fell in my arms as a bag of sand, she got even colder, so cold that my skin started to twist and get shaky.

I couldn’t do more than place her softly over the clothe I had next to where I was sitting minutes ago, and I just stood there, watching in pain the water, as new born tears fell and joined the endless sea.

For hours I stood there, hardly breathing, my chest was crushed by guilt, millions of pins going through my nerves. The sky went black, as the sea started to violently crush against the rocks, a thunder stroke the obscurity, millions of little shards of the glass of eternity shined in my eyes; that was the second sorrow, that was close to the sky.

A cold shiver went up my spine, so I thought it was time to return to my house. Through the lonesome roads I walked, the moisture in my eyes made the light bulbs of the streets look like a million of little moons, I fell asleep in my wet mattress.

I woke up hours later, as the sun was shining on my eyes. But when I opened them, I saw that the sun was glowing in a pale red shine, so I knew, she was still there, still beneath the sun.