***
Digging the depths of life,
my curious mind the shovel,
but the hole proves never ending.
I scream from the void,
standing on the infinite flecks of dust,
that preserve the answers to the universe.
I should never have scratched the surface.
***
A contest entry
- Short Poetry by Bitter Irony.
165 points, ended June 15, 2007, 26 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Amaze Me!!! by tacobell4me08.
275 points, ended June 18, 2007, 20 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Fandi Contest II - Poems by Asfand.
175 points, ended July 11, 2007, 34 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 29 of 29
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It's an interesting thought.
I really like this, but I think you can expand it and take it to great heights.
Good luck in everything you do,
Kevan. -
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Agreed, but it was written for a 7 line or less short poetry contest.
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I am sorry.. But this is waay under my word Minimum. I am afraid I will have to DQ it
IT was great though 
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This is a very good medaphorical peom. It is short and to the point. I like the flow to this it makes it seem thoughtful, intelegent. Very nice.
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i've already commented on this......but hell!!! its awesome!!!!
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thanks. You're too kind
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Very dark and true. Is a wise man wise or is he more foolish than a fool for becoming wise? Solve that riddle lol
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lol interesting riddle
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This was very powerful for such a short peice. I liked this very much. Thancks for entering the contest and good luck.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Dang stars!! I had it set to give you 5...dunno WHY only 2 registered with my last comment. Grrr... (lol)
beginning: 5, language: 4, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Awesome Poem!
Wow. This is really great! There aren't too many of the "short poems" that impressed me, but yours really does! I think you totally deserved to win this contest. Congratulations! :0)beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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The ending is soooo cool ^___^
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I already commented on this for the short poetry contest, but here's my comment for the "Publishable Poems" one.
You automatically have points in your favor for proper grammar and punctuation. :-) Thank you very much: you would not believe how happy it makes me.
This poem has an excellent metaphor and an excellent closing line, two big points in its favor.
The only criticism I can even begin to offer has to do with the choice of three words: "void," "frantically," and "dirt."
Void seems melodramatic for some reason: see if you can find a less weighty synonym.
As far as "frantically"--since the overall feel of the poem is far from frantic, I'd suggest looking for something a bit closer to the emotion you want this poem to be rooted in overall.
"Dirt" makes most people think of topsoil: "dust" might be a better choice.
All three are very, very small problems. My verdict overall: publishable. The only problem would be finding a e-zine or other venue that looks for works of this type. Perhaps "Alba"--it's a short poetry journal.
Anyway, great work, and thanks for entering the contest (again)!
beginning: 3, language: 3, plot: 3, ending: 5, dialog: 3, characters: 3.
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simply wonderful. Almost Japanese in its imagery it presents a simple, but heavy message that once you have as you put it, scratched the surface of life, you will keep on digging forever, a brilliant metaphor. I believe it's time to go contemplate the universe.
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nice.
i liked it..i could totally relate to this. somethings are better left unknown..nice job blu -
That is a true
WOW-FACTORbeginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Yo!!! that was one of the msot in-depth poems i have ever read.....srsly...
I loved what you did here......the lines seems to join together like a story.....
there are huge lessons packed into the words,.....you can really get into the poem.......feel the emotion and the chracter................
It was short, but i loved it...........srsly.......poetry seems to be ur style.......
hope u become a great poet one day!!!
gud luck at ur contest.....
CHEERS!!!!
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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I liked this! ^_^
I reeeaaallyyy liked the last line! ^_^
((My comments don't usually suck like this...I'll comment another one of your pieces later when I'm not AS braindead))
ANYWAYS
...I liked it.
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Smart people tend to lean melancholy, for certain..
Nice and to the point. Very consise. Hopefully this comment mirrors the sentiment ..=D
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Wow this was...really good. and i dont know if its just me, but some of the words confused me. but i loved it a lot. good job!! lol it was way better than my 3 poems for this contest. good luck!!!
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I pressed enter too quickly so it sent that headline. I love it! Ignorance is bliss is also a song by my favorite band.
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Ignorance is bliss
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This is great!!!! You did an awesome job describing how everything was...*clapping*
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Excellent! Definately one of my favorite entries so far in the contest. Thanks for entering!
~Bitter Irony
beginning: 2, language: 3, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 2, characters: 3.
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There's been so many times when I thought I wanted to know something and when I learned about it I wished I could have erase my short-term memory (not an easy task by the way).
Very good and I hope to read more from you -
Ignorance is bliss, indeed... which is why curiosity killed the cat
but kidding aside, I think we all have been in that void, at one point or another, figuratively or what... maybe it IS true that what we don't know won't hurt us... but given the choice of not knowing and knowing, I'd rather know and be in that hole - I always get out anyway
another great one with great metaphors!
Gluck with the contest! ^_^
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This poem can be taken many different ways from many different people. Some people live everyday freely without analyzing everything, while people like me can't rest in peace without knowing every possible answer there is out there.
I'm glad you can find your way out of the hole at times, or at least cover it with a carpet when you don't want to over analyze the meaning of everything
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late reply.. x.x
I think it's the child in us that MAKES us want to know answers and stuff - I'm naturally curious... Why can't waterfalls run out of water? and I still don't and can't accept the reason why the sky is blue. I'm sure Zeus paints it somewhere...
*covers the hole with a carpet so someone else would fall in*
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sky being blue is an easy one actually, I could explain it quite easily to you if you want... well, that is, if Zeus doesn't hit me with lightning when I say it wasn't him, haha
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