There is a picture out my window.
It's smoke and it's haze and it's pink black faded velvet grey cloud night fake light
I take a picture with my mind,
I'll keep it for you to find
when you burrow into my skull
our thoughts will mingle
world's dull.
A contest entry
- Short Poetry by Bitter Irony.
165 points, ended June 15, 2007, 26 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - A Penny for Your Thoughts by the shorty.
175 points, ended October 8, 2007, 15 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Wow. For such a short piece, it really gets you thinking...
nice.
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Indeed the world is dull.. but with thoughts like that hidden away at least some of our thoughts can be pretty interesting.
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i like it..especially the end...its nice..good job
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That sounds real nice!
I like it and thanks for reading my stoires!I appreciate it very much!
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I liked this.
It was...creative and somewhat different. Which made me like it more.
Good job.
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I really like this poem, but the last line just seemed to ring wrong. I suggest looking at that again and seeing if you can find something with more "pow!"
"It's smoke and it's haze and its pink black faded" Did you forget the apostrophe in the third "its" or did you mean it to be the possessive?
Thanks for entering the contest!beginning: 2, language: 3, plot: 3, ending: 1, dialog: 1, characters: 2.
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This is really interesting. I'm not sure if you meant to repeat "find find", but if not you might want to fix that. I liked it though, like it had nice imagery, it was really a unique way to describe something, although I'm not quite sure what this poem is about. Good job though.
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