Life,in general theatre: The Horse, the Girl, a lot of grass, and very little movement.

Good evening viewers.

I am your host, and tonight we have for you a very special Tale! It is called ‘ The Horse, the Girl, a lot of grass, and very little movement’ otherwise known as ‘ Thaeodora’s Horse riding experience’.

So with out further stalling, let us begin.

The curtain rises , the dark stage begins to get brighter, and the actors move about.

Once, long ago, when all was much more simple in comparison, because seven is a much more simpler age than sixteen obviously. A party had been planned. An apparently glorious birthday party. But any party is glorious to the birthday boy isn’t it? Obviously the birthday boy, even then was a selfish bastard who needed a good kicking. Fortunately, he is not the protagonist of this story. Our lovely protagonist is his elder sister, Thaeodora. Being seven, she was obviously much less interesting than she is currently, but that is besides the point. The party was booked, the cake ordered, and the guests invited. But Thaeodora was not happy.

“ Why can’t I have a friends at his birthday party? He always gets to have one at mine! It isn’t fair!” our darling little protagonist whined to her mother. Just so we are clear, she is not a whiney pillock anymore, thank god for that. She came to realize the world isn’t fair, and got over it.

In reply her mother said something to the point of “ no” but she said it in many more words, and used many invalid excuses including “ you are older than him”.

Why is this not valid? Well, first of all she was only a year older than him. Granted, that made her much smarter than him, as it always will, but then, its hard not to be smarter than him. And well, just because she had turned seven and he was turning six, didn’t mean she shouldn’t be able to have her revenge for him pissing her off at her birthday parties with his friends all these years now should it? For instance, at her sixth birthday, the little bugger blew her birthday candles out before she could. Very dramatic, traumatic, and upsetting for a six year old, as you can probably imagine.

Anyway, as Thaeodora fought a losing battle against her mother, the ranch they were going to later was having a dilemma.

“ Nine children? Nine? But we only have eight good horses! What shall we ever do?” one man cried as sunk into a chair. “ I don’t know, I just don’t know” a woman said as she knocked back a large shot of brandy. “ Wait! I’ve got it!” a man said as he sat leafing through the list of their guests. The first man snapped to attention, the woman, well, this wasn’t her first shot today, and she had indulged in many substances that morning so she wasn’t entirely there. She did not pay attention to this brilliant plan, instead to giggled as she pointed at something that no one else could see out the window.

“ It says here, that the birthday boy’s older sister is coming!” the man said excitedly. “ Well, yes, What of it?” the other said. “ Well, no on cares if the older sister has a good time, we will just put her on one of the bad horses” the man said feeling quite full of himself. “ You are a genius!” the other man said, stroking his ego. So they made the arrangements as the woman continued to giggle insanely.

The children arrived at the party excited as ever. They mounted their horse and took off right away down the path. Thaeodora got on her horse and listened to the man talking to her “ This is Suzy, she is a good horse” he said and left. Thaeodora looked down at Suzy’s head, and noted that she was eating grass. The whole party, Suzy ate grass and only moved once, when forced by Thaeodora’s mother. Thaeodora, had a very bad time. And yet, she still wishes to ride a horse to this very day.

Well, that wraps up our charming little tale my friends, good night and I shall see you again next week for another episode of ‘Life, in general theatre’. I’m your host who to this day remains unnamed. Sleep tight gentle viewers, and don’t let the bed bugs bite.