An Angels Sorrow

Her hair, when it was not dyed, was a beautiful blonde. The way it shone in the sunshine made it look like golden threads. Her face was perfect, to him anyway. He said it was the face of an angel. She had a button nose, cheeks which dimpled when she smiled, a gentle chin, and eyes that shone whenever she saw him, whenever someone said his name.

Her eyes, as far as he was concerned, were the most beautiful blue jewels in the world. They sparkled like sapphires when she smiled or laughed. They told him everything he wanted to know about her, or so he thought.

He didn't know there might be someone else. She didn't tell him that someone else loved her. She didn't know how, but it came out in the end.
"Someone asked me out the other day." She told him, afraid of what he would say.
But he didn't say anything, he just looked at her with pain in his eyes. She couldn't bare to see him like this, so she told him the rest.
"I said no because I'm in love with you. I wan't to be with you... only you, you are my angel, my everything."

He looked slightly happier after that. They talked about it a little more that night, but he still didn't seem happy with her. She didn't know what to do, he was different now, he wasn't her angel anymore. Cold almost. He wouldn't talk to her, or look at her.

It happened one week later, they were talking over the net. He said he just wanted to be friends, that he didn't love her anymore. Her heart shattered into a million tiny pieces. He had no idea how much he had hurt her, nobody did.

She didn't want to do anything anymore. She lost interest in looking good. Afterall, what was the point, there was no one to look good for. She gave up on her social life, on her friends, on school.

She couldn't understand it, every single one of her friends had told her to open her heart to him, to just love him. They had said that he wouldn't hurt her, he loved her too much to even think of it. They lied. She took their advice, she loved him with all her heart and soul, and he tore her apart.

She decided she couldn't go on feeling this pain. She cried every night, no one knew this, no one knew how much pain he caused her, and she would never tall. She suffered in silence, and alone.

Then she found something to lessen the pain. At first it was just one scratch with a pin, then a penknife, but when that wouldn't take away the hurt, she stole a knife from the kitchen. She watched the blood pour out, and she felt her sadness go with it. But this was just a temporary fix. The pain always came back after a day or two.

She started to cut more and more, she even took a penknife to school. She just couldn't handle a single day without cutting. But still the pain came back. She decided small cuts weren't good enough anymore. She decided to end it.

When no one was home she filled the bathtub with water and got in fully dressed. She wore the clothes she knew he liked best on her. She tried to think of a way out of it, another way of getting rid of the pain, but she couldn't.

So she did it. She cut one more time.

She watched her blood and tears fill the bath, until everything around her went black. Still her blood slowly poured out of her body, staining her clothes, staining the water. She died there, just how she thought she should. Alone, cold and heartbroken.

Her mother found her that night. If the girl could have known how her mother would react, then maybe she wouldn't have done it. Her mother pulled her from the bathtub, held her in her arms and just cried. She cried for the pain she didn't know her daughter felt, she cried for all the things she never got to say.

Then she saw it. There was a note sitting next to her on the small table that had always sat by the bath. The note read:

"Everyone-
I am so sorry if I have caused you any pain, I truely did not mean to. I just couldn't handle living without him... Without my angel. It hurt too much.
To my dearest Mother- Do not be sad, I loved you with all my heart, and I still do. You were always there for me, through the ups and downs. For this I am greatful.
Daddy- You were my guide through life, I could talk to you about anything, but I didn't want to burden you, you had done too much for me already.
My baby sister- I know we didn't always get along, but know that I did love you, and still do.
I loved you too, dear Brother. I know that we used to fight, but I want you to be nicer to our little sister.
My dearest friends, you were my conscience, and the little devil in my ear. But I knew you wouldn't ever hurt me intentionally.
And finally, to the one who caused me so much pain and anguish. I'll always love you, even though I know you don't love me. I'll love you even after I die. You were my angel in life, so I will now be yours in death.
I'll miss all of you terribly, and please know I love you all with all of my heart and soul. If you ever need me, Just look at the stars and I'll hear you.
Please do not greive, for I shall see you all again eventually. Forgive me.

When they read this they all said they forgave her, but no one could understand why she had done this.
What touched her most, as she watched from heaven, was what her angel said.
"I did love you, I was just scared. You were my angel, and you always will be in my heart."
A shadowy tear slowly fell from an angels face, just as one fell from his eye.

She didn't know wether or not to believe this, was it his heart talking, or his conscience. Was it love he felt, or guilt. She would never get answers to these questions because she wasn't able to hold on. She wasn't able to wait longer and eventually ask. She wasn't able to handle the heartache he caused her.

But those eight words were in her mind forever.
"I did love you, I was just afraid."