After everything its finally come to this.
Ironic, a dreadful departure after such great bliss.
Please turn back at look at me, tell me it'll be okay.
Instead you sigh and slowly turn and walk away.
As you slowly walk away, lingering in my eyes are tears unshed.
Each tear, each sob ,my love is for everything we left unsaid.
Shortened version:
Its finally come to this,and how i longed with you to share a kiss. I turn to walk away, hurting,leaving unsaid, so much to say.
Author notes
I tried to write three poems, but the other two were not very impressive at all and i'd hate to submit a crapy entry, ..i'll understand if my entry i deleted..just thought i'd give it a shot.
A contest entry
- Short Poetry by Bitter Irony.
165 points, ended June 15, 2007, 26 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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That's sad, but realistic and that's what I like about this poem. Great job!
*Frozen Angel* -
Wow, that was really sad! I loved it though, especially the last line, it just brought everything to an end. Keep writing! I love your poems. ;D
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Aww.. very dramatic. A deep little piece that makes me think of a quiet and rainy day. Being stuck outside in a raing that isnt a storm, or a sprinkle.. but just the despiriting cloudy sort. Godo work.
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oohh!! this gud......um....short....2 short...but very gud nonetheless......
its sort of touching....from the very beginning, its got that sad, mournful tune!!!
loved it!!
Cheers!!!
PS. Write happy things 2!!!
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I like..the shorter version better.
The shortness...makes it a bit more powerful. Which bring s out even more emotion.
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I think deep down, the person you long to share a kiss with is really just symbolic for the Ottawa Senators. You will turn to walk away from them after they lose game 5, wishing you could have done for them.. maybe cheered louder for them... told them how much you deeply cared. So much will be left unsaid...
Seriously, this is a very powerful poem filled with a lot of emotion and really jumps off the page. Good write
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this is so goood :wow nice short and expressive well done i really enjoyed this :
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Very good, this was one was very good and you made a good choice in picking this one. Emotional and strongly worded.
Thanks for sharing.
Lady Madeline. -
I really like this poem, and I understand perfectly what you were trying to do with it: the emotion is very clear. I think you could make it even better by wittling it down to just one or two lines, though. Try playing around with it, picking one central moment or image and wrapping the emotions around that. I'd like to see what you can do with it.
Good luck in the contest!
beginning: 1, language: 2, plot: 1, ending: 2, dialog: 1, characters: 2.
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thanks
thanks alot. i included a shorter version, don't think it's as deep though..but anyway..
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