My eyes follow your dancing breath,
But your words stay unheard.
Let them escape.
I need to hear the "I love you"
You wish to say.
Author notes
Okay, this is how I feel. for the 3rd time.
In a list
A contest entry
- Short Poetry by Bitter Irony.
165 points, ended June 15, 2007, 26 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Whatdya think?
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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I love it. I have a feeling you're not the only one who feels that way from time to time. This is why I love it, it's about something real. Fantastic job and keep on writing!
*Frozen Angel* -
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lol thanks for commenting.
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The three little words that are soooo big. I love you can fix anything, and create disaster. Great little ditty.
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Totally- and thnx. Glad you enjoyed. (:
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liked it! A LOT!
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Thnx
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...Wow...x.x
You feel...quite a bit.
Yet again...I've felt like this...quite some times before.
I loved this very much.
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Thanks =]
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This poem can really be applied to real life, whether it is with someone who you know loves you but it shy, or when you meet someone special on the street and you just feel that bond, but no words of magnitude are said.
Good write. -
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Thanks for the comment- poetry helps to get my emotions out, and I've been in some depressed-love mood lately =]
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Wow this flowed really nicely, I loved the last line. Very powerful
You can really picture this in your mind, nicely done.
Keep up the great work
Em
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Thanks so much!!
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This poem could be improved by punctuation: more periods and commas to show the reader where to pause, et cetera. Otherwise, great work. Good luck in the contest!
beginning: 2, language: 2, plot: 3, ending: 2, dialog: 2, characters: 2.
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Okay, will do =] Thanks for the critique.
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