I see through your lies,
they once were family ties,
but now that bridge has burned.
and I have now learned,
to not believe a word you say,
for all the lies i'll make you pay.
A contest entry
- Short Poetry by Bitter Irony.
165 points, ended June 15, 2007, 26 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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It’s ok. No really it's pretty good. I'm not such a fan on the rhyming scheme but. But you manage to make an interesting little story in like six lines and do it rather well. Nice job.
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Very short, very sweet. Amazing though, all together. Your rhymes were so original, but they worked nicely. Keep it up, you're an awesome poet!
~Kevan!~
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Short and sweet. It gets to the point, and it does it with lots of emotion.. like the family ties/ burning bridges imagery. Goodwork
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:D
There's so much emotion put into this! Especially the last line. Awesome work! -
I can relate to this...x.x
In different ways...which allows me to enjoy the piece much more.
Good job!
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Very good write- lots of emotion. I enjoyed reading it...but it made me feel...angry? lonely?
Good job...you deserve some gnome crackers
-S -
Wow... *speechless* exactly how I felt about someone, I'm not sure if they're paying now or not, but it does feel kind of good to think of it that way. Great job, I really liked this.
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Very powerful emotion: however, I suggest double checking the punctuation on this poem. You need to capitalize all words after periods, and the word "I". Also, some of your commas would work better as periods.
Good luck in the contest, and thanks for entering!beginning: 1, language: 1, plot: 1, ending: 1, dialog: 1, characters: 1.
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wow, this explained EXACTLY the way I use to feel about someone...I really enjoyed reading this and all the lines came together to form one flowing and great stanza...awesome!
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Powerful! 3 applause, cause I cant give 4
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Ohhh this was goood, I thnk I know what made this come out and I hope it all gets better.
This was great as usual and I cannot wait for more from you Em
Wonderful peice I hope everything is okai. Lol did you do this one handed?
Thanks a bunch for sharing this with us all, makes you wonder some what happened here if you maybe don't already know.
Ebbz
xox
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