“God, please help this family feel for me. Thank you. Amen.”
Jen Liong gazed at the door with hopelessness. This was the final house on the street.
He rapped the door. He closed his eyes and waited. The footsteps came. He opened his eyes. The door was flung open and out came a plump woman. She looked kind enough.
Jen Liong took a deep breath and began, “Please, aunty! I am so hungry.”
Jen Liong stared at the fat figure. She was so fat that she almost blocked the whole doorway.
Maybe she didn’t understand, he thought.
“Stomach – zero.” He pointed.
She fished out a twenty-cent coin from her pocket and placed it onto Jen Liong’s outstretched hands, slamming the door behind her.
The boy took it lightly. He had long ago accepted the cruelty of the world.
“Thank you.”
Aimless, he found his way to the park, where he sat and rested. He laid his eyes on the horizon, between the silver ribbon of the setting sun and the green glittering ribbon of the sea – O so beautiful the sun can be.
A thin smile broke over his face. He liked looking at sunsets.
Jen Liong felt his pocket. His earnings today were a little more than twelve dollars.
That was good. He could have a good dinner and still have enough to spare. He smiled widely. He could buy a new T-shirt for himself.
He bowed down, cupped his hands into prayer and silently thanked God and for all who had given him money today. He remembered a particular Caucasian man who had generously given him a ten-dollar note. The child could replay the whole scene again and again in his mind.
“Go well, my son.”
That was what the great man said. He had been so happy then, and he thanked the man profusely, with gratitude overflowing from each word.
The night was settling, with the stars taking their posts and the moon lighting up the evening sky.
Exhausted, the boy’s eyelids started to droop and before long he was fast asleep.
A contest entry
- Not Dumb by tacobell4me08.
310 points, ended July 2, 2007, 23 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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That's really sweet! (: I really do feel sad for the young boy already. We have too few kind people in the world, and you really pointed out in your story that we could help people just by being generous. Consideration for others, especially those less fortunate for you in very important. Great story!
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I think this was really great!
I liked it a lot actually, and it shows the cruelty that actually happens NOW in the world, when so many people refuse to think about. They just put it out of their heads, saying that doesn't happen anymore, but it does!
I think this was really well written and I loved the idea, even sad as it was!
I disagree with tacobell4me08 about the lady not fitting in with the story, I think she was, in a little way, a comic relief, but she was still a significant part of telling about the boy's day.
So I liked it
Great job!
xoxo
Tay
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This was well written. The only problem I have was the fat lady part. At first you made her sound just a little pudgy then she ended up being jinormous lol. I think it was a humerous piece in a serious story. It didn't feel like it belonged. I really enjoyed the topic and the way you wrote it. Good job! Thanks for entering and good luck.
beginning: 4, language: 3, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 3, characters: 4.
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Thanks for the comments everyone!
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I love this type of story, so I'm sure that helped my love of this one =)
very discriptive. Meaningful.
Is there more?? -goestolook-
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meaningful piece of writing....good language and good dialgoue.........natural and originality throughout.......
very good
cheers!!!
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This too had reality in it. Something a large population of our world refuses to acknowledge. You write with a very strong meaning and idea that makes a reader feel like they can help the world. I like how the man was so thankful for what he recieved...altogether, another job well-done!
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