Unbeatable Stowaway (Part 1)

~

The ship glided gently along the sea. Water lapped along its sides and foamed out behind it. The ships huge sails flapped in time with the wind. This magnificent ship… the Unbeatable was crewed by many efficient sailors.

It had set sail three days ago from England on a trip to Australia to examine the lands animals and plants. This was expected to take them a few weeks, and they had just set sail. None of them expected what was about to happen.

It was this large fighting ship heavily armed with 15 cannons incase they had to face off any unwanted visitors. Despite its large structure, it was a quick turner and very speedy.

The Unbeatable’s captain stood on the front of the deck, making sure the ship was making good time. He had captained many ships before and he wasn’t as young as he used to be. Despite his age however he was still as sharp as a tack. Not all of his crewmen thought that highly of him though. Many mutinies had occurred; not one had managed to overthrow the captain’s authority. This just seemed to anger those against him.

He stood rigid and unmoving, very tensely. His eyes stared out in front of the ship at the dark clouds ahead. The first mate stepped up beside him, curious to his quiet mood.

“What ails you captain?” He asked.

The captain barely made a move, but replied shortly. “Look’s like there be a storm ahead.”

The first mate followed his superior’s gaze to the dark ominous-looking clouds. He took the time to survey them. They did seem to be growing closer and expanding, but he had seen many clouds alike to these. They mainly turned out to be mist or nothing. He guffawed lightly.

The captain gave him a look of cold steel. The first mate coughed a bit to try and cover up his mocking.

“I shall warn the rest of the crew.” He said, taking his leave. The captain looked back to the sea and sighed, shaking his head.

“Seems I don’t have the respect I once earned…” He muttered under his breath.

The first mate, meanwhile, had scurried away, and, once out of earshot, had started giggling quietly once more. Instead of talking to the men above deck, had turned a corner and went down to the cabins.

He knocked twice on the door to the right of the captain’s quarters.

“Enter.” A gruff voice ordered from the other side of the door. He pushed the door open and stepped through to a dimly lit room.

There was one small window that would have normally been looking out to the side of the boat, and giving sailors the view of the ocean outside. It was then, covered with a dark cloth, and three to four candles were the only source of light. The hammocks that would usually hang down from the ceiling had been folded and put away so as to make room for the round table in the middle of the room.

Around it sat four men. The first mate grinned, and sat down with them.

“G’Day Thomas.” A tall heavily built man greeted, his cigar rolling around in his teeth. Thomas greeted each of them in turn, nodding as he went.

“Dick, Pete, Ed, Allen.”

“Now, let us get down to…”

“Hey Tom, what’s put that smirk on your face?” Dick interrupted.

Ed looked at him furiously, but Tom answered before he could say anything. “Ah nothing much. The captain’s just off his rocker. Says there’s a storm ahead of us.” He and the others laughed, all except for Allen, who frowned suspiciously.

“You should give him more credit.” He said in defence. “He’s been sailing the seas for more than seven years and-”

“Oh, yeah yeah whatever. He’s been sailing the seas for over seven years and knows more than a thing or two about sailing. We’ve heard you preach to us about him for, well, you could say, over seven years, it feels like.” Joked Pete.

A chorus of guffaws rose up again. Allen scowled, his cheeks blushing slightly. Everyone at that table knew that he had always admired the captain’s skill and had defended him when his mates jeered. He got up and left the room.

There was quiet for a second, and then Ed cleared his throat.

“Ehem,” he began. “Before I was rudely interrupted.” He shot Dick a sour look. “I was going to say; Let us get down to business.”

They crowded into the middle of the table, and they started to deal the cards. They would be down here for a while. Meanwhile, when Allen had left, he had come to the captain, planning to look out in front of the ship to see if there really was going to be a rainstorm or anything like that.

Before he could open his mouth, the captain held a hand to his mouth to silence him. He hadn’t moved from his place at the front of the ship for minutes, still gazing ahead. He seemed to be listening to something, or for something, Allen wasn’t sure, but eventually he turned to him and asked for him to speak.

“Sir, it’s to do with…” Allen began awkwardly.

“Your crewmates.” The captain finished, his face showing no emotion. Allen looked shocked, and then knew there was no point hiding anything else. He looked down and nodded.

“Captain’s intuition.” The captain said simply. “I knew they were up to something. The navy has constantly told those four not to gamble on board. You are the only man aboard here that knows that my daughter is accompanying us. This is for her own safety. I am worried she may get involved. Offshore legal areas are where gambling belongs. Not the decks.” He sighed. Allen nodded, as a picture of the captain’s 18 year old daughter, Samantha, floated into his mind. “It’s a bad example: not only to my daughter but for the other sailors. Neglecting their duties all day; they could be needed up here.”

This reminded Allen why he had come up here in the first place. He looked ahead, there was a small group of moving clouds ahead, but they were moving away from the ship.

“They were heading towards the ship earlier. We are fortunate we did not have to face off the stormy weather.” The captain said.

Allen smiled slightly. “Am I needed on the top deck Sir?” He asked.

The Captain smiled back, but only slightly. Not many sailors got to see him smile. Allen had been able to see this lots of times however. The captain answered. “Yes; one of the deck swabs said that someone was tired. Go find them and ask who it is; then switch shifts with him.”

Allen left, and the captain turned back to the edge of the boat. He glanced forward, but saw nothing. He decided to go break up the gamblers below.

~

The next day the weather was misty; the fog had come overnight it seemed; the captain thought that it must have been the clouds he had spotted the other day. Early in the morning they let Sam out for a walk on the top deck. She insisted on this; for was a known claustrophobic and did not like being shut up in her cabin to hide from the men.

“I could always-”

“No, Sam.”

“But…”

“Sam; my answer is final. If any of the crew were to find out…”

“But Father; I am an excellent disguiser; I could pretend to be a man on board and they would not know it unless I decided to tell them. You know I would never do anything to risk exposure.”

“No; it is far too dangerous. I don’t know why I agreed to bring you on this trip to Australia in the first place.”

“Because I was sick of England and its dreary ways. I cannot stay there; which is precisely why I am coming.” Sam insisted.

The captain looked at her worriedly. “I can’t risk anything happening to you.” He said. “Besides; you know nothing of sailing. How on Earth do you plan to pass off as a sailor?”

Sam blushed; she had not thought about this. “I could pose then, as your rich son, if it must be.” She said.

The captain smirked.

“I don’t see why not! None of the crew know about me! None know that you have no son!”

“Except for Allen, you mean.” The captain retorted.

“Are you suggesting that he is not to be trusted?” Sam spat back indignantly.

“Not in the least.” The captain said coolly.

“Then please; please let me.” She begged. The captain paused, considering.

He sighed. “Very well.”

Sam beamed and gave him a hug. “Thanks Dad!” There was a small cough from behind them, and they turned to see Allen step up to stand beside them.

“You have fifteen minutes My Lady.” He said to Samantha formally. She smiled.

“It’s Sam, Allen. You know that.” Allen blushed.

The Captain smiled. He had always hoped that Samantha would choose Allen as her future husband. He was a respectable man with an able house back in England. The only problem was Allen’s modesty, and his daughter’s hate of England.

“I’m going to get some rest.” He said, slipping off and pretending to be tired. “Have a good night you two; Sam, you may borrow some clothing in the morning.”

Allen raised an eyebrow at his friend. “What was that all about?”

Sam snickered. “It’s a long story. Turns out I’m going to join your crew tomorrow.” Allen’s eyebrows went up further. “Well, not really…” Sam admitted, as they walked along deck. “I’m going to pretend to be my father’s rich son…”

The conversation went on until dawn started breaking. Sam looked at the horizon. “I shall talk to Father later on today.” She shot him a look. “Good day Allen.”

“Good day…” he said, letting her into her rich cabin. “…Samantha.”

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • shadow of the void
    May 25, 2008

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    i like it, the flow of word and the style of witeing is exlent. when is the rest going to be done, i would love to read it.

    beginning: 4, language: 3, plot: 5, ending: 3, dialog: 4, characters: 3.


    • Sailor Moon
      May 26, 2008
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      Thankee ^.^ and I have the other parts posted - but you'll have to go to my page, and then follow the link to see the stories I've done. (I posted the following parts a good few months previously.)

      Glad you guys are liking it


  • Ayesha Raees
    November 20, 2007

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    nice story
    the whole ship thing is interesting
    and the trip to Australia is interesting too!
    a good way that you put a lot of info in the first chapter
    i like it a lot!
    this is a good story!
    esp. the whole ship and disgusing part!
    good work!

  • abba12
    November 19, 2007
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    sorry, i specified finished stories only.


  • Mallig
    September 20, 2007

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    This is a very promising series, I read the first two out of order but I really like it and I can see it as a very engaging full length novel. Keep working on it! This definitely holds the reader's interest, looking forward to reading the rest!


  • Frodofan
    September 17, 2007

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    The dots are misused in the last line of the 1st paragraph.

    Instead of saying "It" at the beginning of the third stanza, why not say "The Unbeatable?" Then in the fourth paragraph you could just start with "The Captain."

    "Many mutinies had occurred; not one had managed to overthrow the captain’s authority."
    ^ This would sound better as, "Many mutinies had occured but not one had managed to overthrow..."

    "He stood rigid and unmoving, very tensely."
    ^"Tensely" is slightly redundant, as you've already said he was "rigid."

    "He guffawed lightly."
    ^How can you guffaw lightly? To guffaw is to laugh loudly.

    "Instead of talking to the men above deck, had turned a corner and went down to the cabins."
    ^I think you might have accidently left out a "he" before "had."

    "Oh, yeah yeah whatever."
    ^"Whatever?" That doesn't sound the time period at all. Very out of place.

    Looks like you like the word "guffaw."

    "They would be down here for a while"
    ^Think you mean "there."

    I like the captain. His character is well done, though I don't exactly understand how Sam can suddenly pass for his son. Doesn't the crew know that the son hasn't been on the boat all this time?


  • sodancewithsoda silver member
    September 13, 2007

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    Hmm... where are you going? I mean, I know the ship is headed for Australia, but with the story, I am not sure if you're aiming for a mutiny, or for the crew to find out about Samantha ^_^it's nothing bad, no worries, your introduction presented enough ground to establish ANYTHING.

    Your storyline is interesting, but very few things only happen. I can say that I DO want to know what would occur next, if the storm shall hit and whether or not Samantha will be discovered

    Thanks so much for your entry! Good luck with the contest


  • Mattisfaction
    August 26, 2007

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    Pleasent but Trivial

    I found this a very simple relaxing read. Your writing is an excellent foundation to start building upon, but its not at a level where I can get hooked on it. The best piece of advice is to add alot of senses and feelings into your writing. Unless the captain lost his sense of smell, that tangy taste of the salty sea will shorely raise his spirits as he looks out over the deep blue, sparkling sea. Or something like that.

    The characters are already developing well (I notice that you have five parts to this, so I didn't expect anything big to happen)and you've got a firm setting with some good interactions between what looks like the three main characters. All in all, a promising start.

    On its own however, this piece seemed all just a bit trivial. As a reader I want to know why the captain was so against taking his daughter on the ship with him and why he feels the need to hide her from the rest of the crew as well as what he has done to earn their disrespect. Maybe something big happened, maybe it was gradual.

    I also really like the piratey background you've got going on here

    beginning: 3, language: 2, plot: 2, ending: 3, dialog: 3, characters: 4.

1 - 8 of 8