"Why Should I Win?"

"Why Should I Win?"1

Why should I win? 4 words, 13 letters... black and white on my computer screen.2

Looks like an essay... or a job application. I hate those things, when they ask you Why You Want To Work, and your brain is screaming "Because I want money!" but you can't write that. But what the heck, I want points. So I should win because I'm honest, and I'm giving you the biggest, cutest "Look How Honest I Am, Honestly" smile (you'll have to imagine it, of course, but it is sincere and warm, and makes me look slightly demented)3

Back to the job applications, and assuming that's more than a passing similarity I have detected (see? I'm clever, and intuitive.. more reasons why I should win!) then you want me to write all kinds of wonderful stuff about how great I am. But I won;t do that. Because I'm modest.. which is a nice trait, don't you think? Certainly worthy of some commendation, yes?4

Perhaps this is the wrong time to tell you that I am lurking behind you, magical spork of doom raised (again, use your imagination!).. or maybe not. Just bear in mind that ya wouldn't like me when I'm angry... hehe. And there is a lot of resentment... I've never won anything (all together now, aaw!)5

So make me happy. Go on, you know you want to! Please... I want to WIN! Let me win, please, you lovely, kind people. I'll even chuck in some funny looking dogs... dogs who can recite American Literary Greats... how can you refuse??6